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Updated on December 1, 2013

My friend Larry sent me a letter about love relationships

The letter goes like this:

Most woman dream of a man to honour them, love them in good times and bad, to have children with along with the nice white house with a picket fence.....WAKE UP !!!!!!!! This dream is only a dream. As the world has changed over the many years so has the institution of marriage. As most would think, marriage is just a piece of paper that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to make it go away.....This is the truth and reality of life.

Others my look upon those whom have celebrated their Silver, Gold or even Platinum Anniversary for inspiration to justify their dreams. But we must consider 25, 50 and 75 years ago times were much different from today. Of course in the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s the constitution of marriage held great power and the vows two people exchanged really meant something. This does not hold true today. THINK BEFORE YOU SIGN, marriage is a contract and you should never enter into a contract without proper legal advice. Love is not the answer to marriage and marriage is not the answer to a happy life with the person you love. With that being said, I am not opposed to marriage but it must be done in the proper manor and truly with the right person. One must marry their best friend first and foremost and friendships along with any relationship takes years to nourish and enrich.


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    • bujoy83 profile image

      Robelyn Yambao 4 years ago from Philippines

      I appreciate your ideas and suggestions..thanks

    • RealityTalk profile image

      RealityTalk 4 years ago from Planet Earth

      I agree marriage has become more difficult to make a success than years gone bye. Divorce is too easy. But I have no doubt that if divorce was made easier 50 or more years ago, there would have been more divorces then as well.

      I don't believe marriage is for everyone, but it is for some. My first marriage was a mistake. My first wife was the reason for our divorce and to my knowledge she never remarried. I on the other hand remarried and have been happily married for twenty years with three children from the marriage.

      I'm a lawyer and I strongly advice people to contract prior to tying the knot. But that is the lawyer in me. The other side of me does not believe in marital contracts even though I went through a divorce myself. I have no such contract with my current wife. I don't expect I'll need it. Life is risk and I'm willing to take that risk to base our relationship on something other than legalities.

      Bottom line, I think marriage is not for everyone. And if divorce is any indicator marriage is for less than half the population. But don't trust statistics. A lot of divorcees are repeaters, so that skews the statistics somewhat.

    • bujoy83 profile image

      Robelyn Yambao 4 years ago from Philippines

      Thank u for dropping by here :) cheers!

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 4 years ago from Hawaii

      I agree that ideal marriages and marriages in reality greatly contrast. Great hub on the issue.

    • bujoy83 profile image

      Robelyn Yambao 4 years ago from Philippines

      Thank you all for your comments..I really appreciate those ideas about marriage. :)

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James-MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      Good take on marriage here, Bujoy. I like the comment by dashingscorpio. Like many of the women of the 40s, 50s, and 60s, I married for the wrong reasons the first time. Women were brainwashed into thinking that we were one-half of a whole, and the sooner we were bonded to the other half, the better. It was an era of women finding out that our elders were wrong. We didn’t stay with mismatched mates, and today even our grandchildren are suffering from the mistakes. Most of us are on second or more marriages, but many of the ones who stayed together paid a high price. I’ve heard of so many affairs and heartbreaks being patched up in order for those marriages to hold together. Then they smile happily for their 50th anniversary portraits. I always wonder if the smiles are sincere.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Larry may have good reason to be so cynical, but his experience will not be the same for all of us. We don't get our favorite every day, but we still eat everyday! Love and marriage does not mean that the couple is happy every day, but it means that they'll be always there for each other. Fantasies and fairy tales come and go; marriage is none of those.

    • bujoy83 profile image

      Robelyn Yambao 4 years ago from Philippines

      thanks for sharing ur insight :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      The "fairytale" never existed! Even those who are celeberating silver and gold anniversaries will admit the sun doesn't shine everyday in their marriage.

      I believe the number one cause for divorce is and always has been selecting the "wrong mate". This happens when people enter into relationships without knowing who they are or what they want. Oftentimes they have not lived long enough or have done the "serious introspective thinking" to figure out what they need in a mate for life. Therefore their relationships come about through "happenstance" and they allow things to progress however/whenever until they decide to "take it to the next level" just because they've been dating for a couple of years. Getting married for the "wrong reasons" is just as bad as marrying the "wrong person".

      Some people get married because they grew sick of "the dating scene", all of their friends were married, a child was conceived, they had reached some "arbitrary age" of which they decided long ago to be married by, their perspective mate looks good "on paper" and they believe not having "chemistry" isn't that important or last but not least they thought they could CHANGE him or her into what they REALLY wanted overtime.

      The biggest change from today compared to the 1940s, 50s, and 60s has to do with (women). The women of today have much better job opportunities and higher incomes than previous generations of women. Many of whom can fully afford to take care of themselves in a life they are comfortable with. The more options one has the less crap they will take! A lot of women in past eras stayed in unhappy marriages because they wanted to avoid financial hardship. Too often we consider a marriage "successful" because the couple never divorced. Needless to say there are many couples living as "roommates with the same last name". They are not "in love". It's just easier to stay under the same roof.

      Also today's women expect more (help) with household chores and taking care of the children! In previous generations there were a lot of "stay at home" moms/wives. A woman of today becomes very disillusioned with marriage if she has to work full-time and then come home to a dirty house, stacks of laundry, a family to cook for... while her husband hides out in his "man cave" watching sports! It's not exactly the "fairytale marriage" she imagined. This leads to a lot of fights!

      A recent study conducted illustrated in the U.S. that 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces were "initiated" by (women)! Apparently unhappily married men would rather cheat than run down to the courthouse and file for a divorce. LOL!


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