- Gender and Relationships
Lack of Commitment
moving out of lack
So here we go again! After four months of dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, they suddenly say:"I don't know I am really into commitment"
The big C, the word everyone learns to love or to hate. So what went wrong? You have tried everything. You were loyal and you are fun. You have given them the things that you thought they wanted. You had previously sat down and talked about "what you both wanted and it appeared to be the same, so you felt sure that he/she was happy. How could this happen? You illusions are totally shattered about the relationship that you felt you were in and suddenly you feel an instant failure. Feelings of low self esteem surface and you feel a sense of deja vu because it has happened more than once in your life, in fact it could be the third or fourth time you have heard these words. Why does life keep repeating itself! "What!", you want to scream.
"I thought we were happy, for goodness sake. What is the matter with you, I can't give any more than I am already giving. What am I supposed to do next!"
He/she twiddles their thumbs looking embarrassed and starts to avoid eye contact. Then you realise that they never really looked you properly in the eyes in the first place. The question then occurs to you, does this mean that he still wants to see me and start seeing others as well? Would I want to do this? I have lost that prime position in his/her life. I have been demoted. I am now second best and I know it. Why or why does this have to happen to me.
What is your belief about this?
Do you believe that you are worthy of commitment?
Do you think that "lack of commitment" is always going to happen because the people you are attracted to just don't do that sort of thing.
In order to be taken seriously, we have to get serious. I remember going to hypnotherapy a number of years ago and explaining the problems I had with men and commitment. I was always laughing in a very girly and childish way at the end of each sentence, as if to lighten what I had just said. I guess I thought other people couldn't handle me being so serious. To be honest I think the problem was that I couldn't handle being so serious.
So I wanted a serious relationship, but I was not prepared to be serious, sound familiar?
1. I fell into totally what someone expected out of me, not what I wanted in my life.
2. I didn't value myself enough to explore all the ins and outs of "are we moving in the same direction" I just became a push over who no longer had any personal power.
3. Whatever I wanted to do in my life i.e. spend time with friends or going to a regular dancing class, these things went out of the window in favour of "a night with him/her."
4. I forgot my values and who I was because I considered whatever went on in their life was far more important than my own.
5. I let him/her talk to me as if I was inferior. I never said "excuse me but that is just plain rude."
6. I let him/her assume that their behaviour was acceptable.
7. I let him/her trample all over my personal boundaries.
How committed are you to you!
Having learnt through experience, I amnow totally committed to me. My inner world reflects my outer world. So as I grow in commitment to me, I attract new and positive relationships which reflect that new found understanding.
I am now tall and strong - no-one can take advantage of me because I am in my own power.
I live my life the way I want too, without criticism or judgment from others.
I totally accept my self and value my natural gifts.
My relationships are balanced. The giving and receiving is equal.
If I am unsure of how someone is feeling I ask.
I enjoy meeting new friends and I relate to people easily.
I explore relationships in an honest and open way, stating who I am, so that people can take me seriously. In return I take them seriously and I am listening.
I am growing as a person, emotionally, spiritually and socially.
I love who I am and I appreciate all that I am given.
When are we ready for a committed relationship.
This of course varies from person to person. You may have lived on your own for five years, ten years or fifteen years. Time has no meaning! What does make a huge difference is when the energy or your vibration is right. If your energy is "high" or you are in a good place, you are more likely to have a relationship on the up, rather than one spiralling downwards!
The only way I can see of improving vibration is by focusing on you. Spend ten minutes a day meditating and keep it up for 3 solid months and you can feel the difference. I am not saying that there won't be days when you doubt but during these times of trauma or slight wobbles you will be able to re-align very quickly. Keep meditating but also keep a journal of the changes that you experience.
In early relationships if I had to deal with rejection, I literally would want to vomit by because of my emotions being all over the place with an empty and whoozy feeling being way out of control. To be honest it just felt like extreme shock. Now I look back and think well, why was I shocked,, did I ever ask the right questions or really find out where it was all headed or was it just a massive out of control assumption!
Rose Quartz absolutely fabulous for healing the heart and nurturing you. Keep a lump in your pocket, a small piece in your bra on your heart chakra and feel its beautiful loving healing energy. Rose Quartz speaks "I love you, I am kiind and I am gentle accept me as I accept you."
Clear Quartz - fabulous again! Keep a small clear quartz on you and also use for meditation. Visualise your self climbing to the crystal to feel its power, its clarity, it's energy to bring you centred and back to the source.
Finally, be kind to your self. If someone won't commit, let them go. There is no point in trying to change someone. If they are not ready, then they are not ready. Value who you are. You are a fantastic and very special person and you deserve love and commitment.
Affirmations for Commitment.
As I commit to myself, I attract more commitment in my relationships.
I deserve love, honesty and integrity in relationships.
I am happy and I am strong in who I am.
I am perfect, whole and complete exactly as I am.