ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Lack of Commitment

Updated on February 16, 2013

moving out of lack

So here we go again! After four months of dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, they suddenly say:"I don't know I am really into commitment"

The big C, the word everyone learns to love or to hate. So what went wrong? You have tried everything. You were loyal and you are fun. You have given them the things that you thought they wanted. You had previously sat down and talked about "what you both wanted and it appeared to be the same, so you felt sure that he/she was happy. How could this happen? You illusions are totally shattered about the relationship that you felt you were in and suddenly you feel an instant failure. Feelings of low self esteem surface and you feel a sense of deja vu because it has happened more than once in your life, in fact it could be the third or fourth time you have heard these words. Why does life keep repeating itself! "What!", you want to scream.

"I thought we were happy, for goodness sake. What is the matter with you, I can't give any more than I am already giving. What am I supposed to do next!"

He/she twiddles their thumbs looking embarrassed and starts to avoid eye contact. Then you realise that they never really looked you properly in the eyes in the first place. The question then occurs to you, does this mean that he still wants to see me and start seeing others as well? Would I want to do this? I have lost that prime position in his/her life. I have been demoted. I am now second best and I know it. Why or why does this have to happen to me.


What is your belief about this?

Do you believe that you are worthy of commitment?

Do you think that "lack of commitment" is always going to happen because the people you are attracted to just don't do that sort of thing.

In order to be taken seriously, we have to get serious. I remember going to hypnotherapy a number of years ago and explaining the problems I had with men and commitment. I was always laughing in a very girly and childish way at the end of each sentence, as if to lighten what I had just said. I guess I thought other people couldn't handle me being so serious. To be honest I think the problem was that I couldn't handle being so serious.

So I wanted a serious relationship, but I was not prepared to be serious, sound familiar?

1. I fell into totally what someone expected out of me, not what I wanted in my life.

2. I didn't value myself enough to explore all the ins and outs of "are we moving in the same direction" I just became a push over who no longer had any personal power.

3. Whatever I wanted to do in my life i.e. spend time with friends or going to a regular dancing class, these things went out of the window in favour of "a night with him/her."

4. I forgot my values and who I was because I considered whatever went on in their life was far more important than my own.

5. I let him/her talk to me as if I was inferior. I never said "excuse me but that is just plain rude."

6. I let him/her assume that their behaviour was acceptable.

7. I let him/her trample all over my personal boundaries.

How committed are you to you!

Having learnt through experience, I amnow totally committed to me. My inner world reflects my outer world. So as I grow in commitment to me, I attract new and positive relationships which reflect that new found understanding.

I am now tall and strong - no-one can take advantage of me because I am in my own power.

I live my life the way I want too, without criticism or judgment from others.

I totally accept my self and value my natural gifts.

My relationships are balanced. The giving and receiving is equal.

If I am unsure of how someone is feeling I ask.

I enjoy meeting new friends and I relate to people easily.

I explore relationships in an honest and open way, stating who I am, so that people can take me seriously. In return I take them seriously and I am listening.

I am growing as a person, emotionally, spiritually and socially.

I love who I am and I appreciate all that I am given.

When are we ready for a committed relationship.

This of course varies from person to person. You may have lived on your own for five years, ten years or fifteen years. Time has no meaning! What does make a huge difference is when the energy or your vibration is right. If your energy is "high" or you are in a good place, you are more likely to have a relationship on the up, rather than one spiralling downwards!

The only way I can see of improving vibration is by focusing on you. Spend ten minutes a day meditating and keep it up for 3 solid months and you can feel the difference. I am not saying that there won't be days when you doubt but during these times of trauma or slight wobbles you will be able to re-align very quickly. Keep meditating but also keep a journal of the changes that you experience.

In early relationships if I had to deal with rejection, I literally would want to vomit by because of my emotions being all over the place with an empty and whoozy feeling being way out of control. To be honest it just felt like extreme shock. Now I look back and think well, why was I shocked,, did I ever ask the right questions or really find out where it was all headed or was it just a massive out of control assumption!


Rose Quartz absolutely fabulous for healing the heart and nurturing you. Keep a lump in your pocket, a small piece in your bra on your heart chakra and feel its beautiful loving healing energy. Rose Quartz speaks "I love you, I am kiind and I am gentle accept me as I accept you."

Clear Quartz - fabulous again! Keep a small clear quartz on you and also use for meditation. Visualise your self climbing to the crystal to feel its power, its clarity, it's energy to bring you centred and back to the source.

Finally, be kind to your self. If someone won't commit, let them go. There is no point in trying to change someone. If they are not ready, then they are not ready. Value who you are. You are a fantastic and very special person and you deserve love and commitment.

Affirmations for Commitment.

As I commit to myself, I attract more commitment in my relationships.

I deserve love, honesty and integrity in relationships.

I am happy and I am strong in who I am.

I am perfect, whole and complete exactly as I am.

Do you find it hard to get men/woman to commit in a relationship?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Jennifer Lynch profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Lynch 

      9 years ago from Stowmarket, Suffolk.

      Hi Al

      Yes, I think you are right there and thank you. Jennifer

    • Mystique1957 profile image


      9 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

      Dearest Sister...

      Wonderful hub! I found it quite truthful and useful. The best way to obtain something you want is to give it out freely expecting nothing in return, it shall fall on your lap from the very vaults of riches from The Great Architect!

      Warmest hugs and infinite heavenly blessings,



    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)