- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
You Do Not Have To Settle For "Watered Down" Love
I could sum this whole article up in one sentence: If he doesn’t think you are the most desirable, talented and wonderful woman he has ever met, then you don't need him. The long and short of it is that anything less is "watered down love." The last thing you need in your life is someone who has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude toward you. In no way, shape, or form is this acceptable. And for those of you who have had the same boyfriend for five years, the one who keeps hemming and hawing about why it isn’t the right time to make a commitment, I am telling you right now that is time for you to MOVE ON. Actually, you should have packed your bags three or four years ago. In fact, research tells us that men know they’re falling in love with a woman after just THREE dates!
The male psyche demands that he have strong feelings for a woman if he is going to remain faithful to her. Men are geared toward action; consequently, his passion must be expressed in one way or another---and you, as a woman, need his active expression of love and sincere passion in order to feel secure about his fidelity. The truth is that if he isn't "head over heels" in love with a woman, he will find it very easy to stray.
So the bottom line is this: If he hasn't decided whether he is in love with you after one year or so of dating (usually much less than that), then you are probably wasting your time. I'm not suggesting that women should strong-arm men to the altar. Obviously, it takes time to know one another. However, if he still indifferent or unsure about making a lasting commitment to you after a year or more, then he is likely to remain uncommitted.
If you are cohabitating, it may very well be that packing up and leaving may be just the action he needs to help him decide if he really does love you. Otherwise, you can bet your bottom dollar that once the relationship gets a little rocky, too boring, or less than convenient, your guy will find an excuse to cheat or to find someone to replace you. On the other hand, if he is so crazy about you that he can barely see straight, then rest assured, you’ve found yourself a keeper for life. He will be yours and yours alone.
Ladies, if he doesn’t have eyes for you and you alone, then you may as well throw in the towel right now. Naturally, I am not suggesting that your man be required to act as if he has been struck blind if a beautiful woman happens to walk past him. Let's face it, even the most conscientious woman will most certainly look out of the corner of her eye if she spots a gorgeous man in the vicinity. Men look at other women. He just has to be discreet. After all, everyone appreciates physical beauty. On the other hand, if his eyes are following another woman’s every move, there's a problem.
A 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, during which surveyed lawyers claimed that "an obsessive interest in Internet pornography" was a significant factor in 56 percent of their divorce cases the prior year.
National Review: Getting Serious On Pornography, March 31, 2010
While we’re on the subject of men staring at women, it is imperative to make something perfectly clear: If your boyfriend or someone you just started dating is deliberately viewing pornography on a regular basis, even though he’s got a beautiful woman, namely you, right by his side, then you need to consider this a deal breaker. Period! No woman should have to put up with pornography. If she does, she is disrespecting herself just as he is disrespecting her. The statistics are out there. Porn acts like a drug and it is destructive to relationships.
On the other hand, when a man adores you, he will happily give you his devotion and protection. He will maintain a strong sense of responsibility toward the relationship. He will respect you. Once in love, he develops an emotional resilience to work through the difficult times which naturally occur in even the healthiest of relationships. He loves you and wants you too badly to not put forth his best effort.
He will fight for your love even if there are times when "abandoning ship" might seem a whole lot easier. He remains determined because his feelings run deep. When a man feels that way, there is just no end to the things he will do to make you happy. If you meet a man like that and you don't let him know how much you appreciate him, then you are making a big mistake. Good men deserve our respect.
Ladies, you deserve nothing less than his exclusive devotion. When he looks at you with that look of longing, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you've got an honest, genuine love on your hands. If he thinks you "walk on water," you're a fool if you don't grab him and keep him. If he is willing to share his dreams with you and talk openly about his feelings with you, then just know you've got yourself a keeper---one who will be there for you even when the going gets rough. As long as you are being your most authentic self, you have every reason to believe you will never have to settle for insipid, watered down love.
Also, it is important for women to keep in mind that men still want a woman they can introduce to their family, who will challenge him now and again and who is a passionate lover. Furthermore, he is also seeking to marry the woman who will one day be the mother of his future children, whether you create them together, adopt, or enter into a blended relationship where the children are already present. When you think about it, his wish list isn’t much different from yours. He doesn’t want to settle either, so why should you?
True love still exists. When a man falls in love, he almost always falls hard and fast. That means you don’t have to wait around forever to figure out if he loves you. Most men are pretty transparent in this regard. If he feels strongly about you, you’re going to know about it fairly soon.
However, if you are still trying to figure out whether he truly cares for you two years down the road, then you’ve wasted too much time. But take heart. There are still men out there who want genuine, crazy, romantic love, just the same as you. In truth ladies, if you really want to attract romance, then you must make the decision to believe that true love is a real possibility. Make no mistake about it---if he loves you, he will show you. You won't be kept wondering!
© 2013 Yves