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Language of Love 101

Updated on October 28, 2014

Is Romance Dead?

Seriously, I should have been born in a different century. I’m a true, romantic and lucky for me my husband likes that about me. I’m all about snuggling, holding hands and kissing any chance we get. We send love letters and write poems and share small gifts now and then for no reason at all.

I read a story about a husband and a wife who would write SHMILY everyday somewhere different in the house for the other to find. They would take turns doing it, and it remained something that they did for their entire marriage. “See How Much I Love You.”

Victorian Era

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We have always left love notes around the house and if one of us is leaving for a business trip (Usually my husband) we write a letter to the other one to read while away. So it’s not a real surprise that I am a huge fan of Jane Austin’s era.

Language of love has changed over the years. What’s acceptable behavior for women and men has changed drastically. Marriage doesn’t have the same deep meaning it once had for a lot of people. “To Death Do Us Part” isn’t something that happens very often in our society.

Women have so much power in the beginning of a romantic relationship, and they often give it up far too quickly. Many men don’t feel the need to court a woman, open doors, pull out chairs, romantic date nights and to be respectful and let her guide the relationship as she feels comfortable.

The Importance of Courting Properly

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Seriously?

Surprisingly 3 dates is the minimum before sex comes into play. I’m sorry but that’s just insane to think that some people buy into this method of dating.

By doing the 3 date sex night you haven’t formed a bond yet and you are still getting to know the other person. I don’t understand how this could form a true bond for either person. Then on top of it you are clouded by physical desire which is often confused with “love” for women for the most part. A lot of men (not all) can just have sex and it not mean a thing especially if they have only been on 3 dates.

Jane Austin’s era

A few tips from Jane Austin’s era wouldn’t hurt in today’s world. I was bored one Sunday afternoon while doing laundry and started watching 19Kids and counting. I had only seen commercials so figured since nothing was on I’d leave the marathon on.

The girls & boys who are old enough to court always have someone with them on each date. Sisters, brothers, cousins, so that nothing inappropriate happens. I like that idea for teens dating. I wasn't allowed to date without a group until I was 19. .

Teens don’t have the part of their brain to understand consequences. Which explains unplanned pregnancies with various teens. It also proves you cannot trust a teenager to do the right thing because they just don’t have the mental alertness to do so. Hence the chaperone for dates.

I don’t think that’s a bad idea and more people should do that with their children. One thing Jane Austin’s era did that would work today is that they gave the children/teens stuff to study beyond school. They kept them busy all the time so they didn’t have a lot of free time to get into trouble. Sports, art, piano, anything to keep their minds focused. They understood that if you leave them to their own devices children would get into a lot of trouble.

True Love

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They also taught girls how to be a proper lady and to have the upmost respect for herself. Boys would learn how to be respectful men and how to treat a lady. If a man wasn’t respectful it would ruin his reputation and no lady would want him. Women were taught how to use their powers of persuasion through beauty and words.

Most young ladies of good breeding would hesitate to step out of the bounds of prosperity and bring shame on her family by asking a man to court her.

Now days it’s common for a woman to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the best way to go about getting your man. One thing we’ve learned about men is that they are hunters and will always be. It’s in their nature. A man who truly wants you will stop at nothing to make you his (I don’t mean stalkers)

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If you are wondering if your guy is really into you all you have to do is hang in there and you’ll see. There are signs even if you don’t “want” to see it. They call you, you don’t have to track them down to find out where they are. They introduce you to his friends & family especially his mom.

However if you never know where he is or what he’s doing and he’s calling you for a date on Friday night say NO. He’s exhausted all other options and you were the second or third option. A man who’s truly interested in you will secure a date before the initial date is over or a day later. He would be worried someone else might ask you out and wants to make sure you are going to be with him.

Am I having a stroke or something? I just read 65% of women think it’s okay if a woman proposes marriage?! Are they insane? Listen up ladies if your guy hasn’t asked you yet he’s not ready and asking him will make him run away from you. Men who want to get married want to ask.

Think Like A Man

Expect Respect!

It all goes back to the hunter thing I was talking about that’s part of the hunt and capture. It’s solely up to you if you want to be captured or not.

Women had to pick wisely because once they were married they had to give up all that they had previously so a woman would notice everything about a man and how he treated her to weed out those that would not be appropriate.

Women today need to be just as cautious when dating to protect themselves from a man who isn’t worthy of her.

Steve Harvey Nails it!

Have you ever read “Act Like A Lady - Think Like A Man” or saw the movie? Steve Harvey’s brilliant as teaches women how to go back to having power and not giving up the cookie until a man has proved themselves. I love this book and I feel every women should read it.

One of my favorite things Steve said, “When you get a job you are on probation before you get the job” and that’s how you should look at dating.

I recommend keeping the cookie for 3 months or longer to build an emotional bond with a man. It takes them longer to bond then women do. Once you find one that’s willing to wait then you know you have someone you could possibly build a bond with beyond the cookie. Think of the cookie as a perk to a happy healthy committed relationship.

During Jane Austin’s era women were pretty much all virgins on their wedding day but you must remember they were married very young. I know that’s not today’s reality but you can delay that part for a few months and it will just make love that much more.

It’s important to note how you allow a man to treat you early on and before marriage will dictate how you will be treated after marriage.

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    • TaraLRichardson profile imageAUTHOR

      Tara Richardson 

      3 years ago from New Mexico

      Perspycacious, thank you so much for your comment. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and I feel that it's because we had an old fashioned courtship. I'm happy to hear that your daughter is in a happy relationship.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      3 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      This one is destined to be a hard sell, but there is hope, especially once you put this out there and a few guys and gals catch on to its importance. Fortunately I have a daughter who practiced what you preach and her man and their relationship is everything it ought to be. The "everything" that others relationships could be, if only ....

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