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Languages of Love

Updated on May 26, 2009

Acts of Service

Just a little help in the kitchen can go a long way
Just a little help in the kitchen can go a long way

Physical Touch

Your touch can make a big difference
Your touch can make a big difference

Words of Appreciation

Saying what you feel can make a big difference
Saying what you feel can make a big difference

Quality Time

Make time for the relationship to grow
Make time for the relationship to grow

How do you express your love?

Some time back I had come across a book in the library which I personally found very interesting. Since it has been more than a year I can’t remember the title of the book or the name of the author.

I am sure that if I try and google it I will come up with them, but I am feeling too lazy to do it right now. As such it doesn’t have too great a bearing on this post and is not essential. If anyone wants to read the book they can google it up based on the information below.

Fundamentally the author explains why people who believe that they are in love and expressing their love are misunderstood. Love, as it is, is complicated enough to explain and even more so to express. It means different things to different people.

I recently saw the movie “Ugly and Pagli” (an experience that you should avoid to the utmost if you don't like weird whacky humour) and realized how love could mean such different things to different people.

Each of us thinks that the person we love will respond in kind to us, yet we get frustrated with them when they can’t. We can not see that they are trying to love us in their own manner because that isn’t the way we would react.

Very rarely do you meet a person, who will react in situations just like you and that what they call a soul mate. For most of us in the majority of the population there is likely to be the chance that you and the love of your life speak different love languages.

The author has classified Five Major Love Languages.

1. Acts of Service
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Appreciation
4. Quality Time
5. Receiving Gifts

Most people use the above mentioned techniques in various combinations to express their love. For instance the person who is more likely to give you a huge hug is likely to have the primary love language as Physical Touch.

A person who like to do things such as cycling or walking with you is likely to be expressing his love with the gift of Quality Time. A person who keeps gifting you a rose wants you to understand that he speaks the love language of receiving gifts and if you even gift him a pen in return he will be happy.

The problem arises when we don’t understand that the primary love language that we speak is not the one spoken by your love. For instance the wife who goes crazy doing every little thing for her husband is expressing herself through Acts of Service and she gets irritated when he doesn’t express his love in a similar manner.

Maybe the husband thinks that the expensive gifts that he picks up for his wife should make her happy and gets puzzled with her lukewarm response because his primary love language is Receiving Gifts.

Interesting concept don’t you think, if you apply it beyond your love life to other relationships in your life. Imagine the father who thinks that his little speech of appreciation is enough when the child actually just wants a bear hug and a kiss.

Imagine the mother who feels neglected despite the best gifts money can buy on her birthday because all she wanted was to have party with the full family present. Makes a lot of sense and did affect the way I started reacting to the people close to me.

So what is the love language that you speak…and is the same as your loved one?

That's the way I am

How do you express your love?

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    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      Not at all Dame Scribe, you can have a multi lingual person!

    • Dame Scribe profile image

      Dame Scribe 

      9 years ago from Canada

      I do all I wierd? jus teasin, ;) great Hub! Cashmere :)

    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      Thanks socio literature.

    • socio-literature profile image


      9 years ago from Ireland

      Touching article...Motivates more to love and grow...

      Wishes to write more and more....

    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      So your love language is recieving gifts?

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      9 years ago

      Very interesting cashmere...and the timing is great...I just received a lovely bunch of flowers that has warmed the cokcles of my heart! :)

    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      Thanks Myra

    • myra636 profile image


      9 years ago from Viginia

      Thanks for stopping by and I enjoyed reading your hub

    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      Now that leaves no sign of ambiguity Pearldiver! Well done. I think the lesson of love languages was well recieved!

    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 

      9 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      In the most appropriate words that I can muster on this is : "Marry Me."

    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      prakash I have not read it, but I'm sure it must be good.

      Thanks Jay and ESAHS.

      I agree Willow it does take digesting.

      Hope you know what he likes Candie, now you can focus on that area! :)

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      "Nicely written hub!"

      "Two thumbs up!"

      CEO E.S.A.H.S. Association

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 

      9 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Everyone has a special way to their heart and it's so great you did this hub, now to have people figure out their own, and those of the ones they love (partners, kids, parents). This is great! Thanks Cashmere!

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 

      9 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Food for thought. Hope everyone reads it. Thanks

    • jayb23 profile image


      9 years ago from India

      Wonderful Hub. Love is something which means different to different people and you have explained that very well. Thumbs up

    • khadilkarprakash profile image


      9 years ago from India

      I have read another book called "The Language of Heart" It is a collection of articles written by Bill W., the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous.

    • cashmere profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from India

      Hey Cris, thanks for stopping by. See you at the forum.

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 

      9 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      ah love, still an enigma after all that's been said and done. But this hub does put things in perspective and makes one think. Like what I'm doing now. Thanks for the insights :D


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