ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

Learn to love yourself before looking for love

Updated on July 13, 2013

The Key is as simple as this: Love yourself first

People oftentimes go into relationships with the misconception that this is the answer to their happiness. While love can bring joy and a sense of security, shouldn’t those qualities be in your possession already? It appears that everyone is looking for love or a sense of belonging. But what is disturbing is the realization that this lifelong journey may be for all the wrong reasons.

The idea that dating and falling in love will complete you and suddenly make your life all the more glorious is just a false hope. Love starts from within, and until you can truly love yourself, it can be a challenge to fully love another.

Many of you will challenge this notion, so let me first clear up any misunderstanding that you, the reader, may have. I am not saying that you cannot love or fall in love. I am merely suggesting that to be able to FULLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and UNCONDITIONALLY love another you have to start with you. So often, women will go into a relationship and obliterate it because they haven’t dealt with their own problems and insecurities. Men are no exception!

If you aren’t comfortable in your own skin, the joy you feel will only be temporary, and the root of your unhappiness will resurface. This, in turn, can and will create distance between you and your spouse, and they may soon begin to resent you.

The best advice I can give anyone in search of happiness is to

  • Take some time and get to know the real you. I mean really get to know yourself! What makes you laugh? What makes you cry? Do you like being alone or surrounded with friends and family?I could go on but I’ll assume you get the idea. Plus you will know you’re on the right track the next time a person of the opposite sex asks, “Tell me about yourself”. You should have more than the typical response such as I'm very outgoing and smart … you know the generic sounding answers? Because you truly know yourself your answer will be unique, revealing the type of person you are. And the bonus is that you will appear to be a more interesting person because of it.
  • Realize you don’t need a partner to have happiness, you should be happy with yourself. If you are already content, once a flame comes along you will be a joy to him/her as he or she is to you. A mutual exchange makes for a better and lasting relationship. So get to know yourself… love yourself… and you should then be able to share that love with others.
  • Have a positive self image. You often hear women complaining about how men don’t pay them enough compliments. But how would you feel if every time you told your boyfriend, or husband that he looked handsome only to hear the response, “you're just saying that to be nice”. Ditto for men because they also enjoy being complimented as much as women. However it can become quite discouraging and irritating when compliments are received well due to insecurities. Not to mention the compliments will eventually come to a screeching halt.
  • Loving yourself can save you from hanging on to unhealthy relationships. You can easily come into a relationship in which you deserve better. Until you realize this, your spouse will continue to treat you the way in which you let them! Do not put up with abusive relationships period! Also keep in mind, abuse can take more than one form. So even if it isn't physical abuse, emotional abuse hurts just as much. Have more love and respect for yourself to let go and simply move on.
  • Have a social life. Sitting around waiting for Prince Charming is boring and a waste of time. In the meantime you should be out having fun, getting to know you and living life. Do things you love. Love what you do. And on occasion try something new! And once Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along make sure you continue having a social life. It is very important to maintain your identity apart from your relationship. That will give you both a break. It can strengthen your relationship. Plus you will have the chance to miss each other once in a while instead f being tired of seeing each other all of the time.

If you are trying to change a man or woman to be what you want them to be, you have a major issue that must be addressed. If the person you meet is not exactly what you wanted or hoped for then you have two options.

The first is to Move on!

The second is to accept who they are and compromise.

I really suggest working towards the second option simply because it will be almost impossible to find every quality you could dream of bottled up in one person. Therefore you should search for someone that comes close to the idea of your perfect partner.

Think about this. Chances are, don't have every single quality that your mate is searching for either. You have to work with what you got! So as long as both partners are willing to do the work it will be so worth the effort in the end.

However insecure people will attract other insecure people into their lives. But loving people are usually surrounded by others that are loving. That is no coincidence! You can definitely make the shift in your life. Remember it starts with you. Become the loving person that some will want to fall in love with. You'll be surprised at by who or what may come into your life! ANd the best part of it all is that you will be prepared.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Rajab Nsubuga profile image

      Rajab Nsubuga 7 years ago from Kampala, Uganda

      A leaf for the men to borrow! Nicely said!

    • New Life profile image

      New Life 7 years ago from Chandler, Arizona

      I like this...