- Gender and Relationships
Single Women Before Desiring a Husband First Become Wife Material
You Have To Let God Prepare You
First, one must desire to be processed. This could be very challenging because so many women have been molded into what others feel a wife should be. This could result from their mother's views, childhood friends, or even a past relationship. However, a set pattern was designed by God as to what a wife really is. Okay it becomes really challenging here because your beliefs could differ from mine because I DO believe in God. But, I believe if you take these tools and apply them to your life it will never be the same. I must start off saying that although you might feel that you have reached this goal and really decided to look at this column out of curiosity, that tells me that you feel that something is possibly lacking in your womanhood. So, let's be real and become the women that God has desired for us to be so, that we can have a successful marriage. Most single women have endured great pains and hardships in life. Unfortunate as it may be, this is truly an advantage because we learn from our mistakes. These trials are what causes us to have the strengths that we have so, don't feel bad because you have gone through some things. You must dust yourself off and be determined to become all you were destined to be.
Now let's deal first with our mindsets. Most women desire to be loved by a man and this is our God-given nature. In Genesis 3:18 God says that it is not good that man should be alone. God says that he would create a helper for the man. So, he does after creating animals from the dust, realizes that another creature called woman was the lacking ingredient for a man. You must not let anyone make you feel bad because you desire a man because this desire was put into your DNA. But, before this happens you need to be ready spiritually and emotionally so, that you will not destroy the relationship. Now this material will be condensed but, if there is a demand for a Part 2 it will be added. I encourage you that if you don't have one to purchase a bible because you can't trust my word only but God's word. Okay let's begin our journey of preparation together and find out what qualities you need.
You must have the mind of Christ: This means that you need to invite him into your life so, that you can receive his character. I know this might sound like another religious fanactic but, I am a living witness. I was a woman with a mouth and a neck roll that made the girl in the Exorcist look like a saint. But, once I gave my life to Christ things just didn't bother me as much. I must admit sometimes I am tempted by something or someone to go act like the old way but, something checks my spirit and I take on a calm nature. You need this quality to be able to have a successful marriage because that man will definitely do something that will make you invent a whole new vocabulary for profanity and you will need Jesus' nature to help you. This brings another point and that is you need to desire a man with the same qualities. You can't be trying to pursue God and he isn't. I am not trying to be judgemental but, you both need to have the same goals when it relates to character or you will be forever bumping heads.
Self Confidence: Several women marriages have failed because they needed their spouse to validate them. Okay I know your husband is supposed to show his appreciation for you but, come on let's be real he can't do this 24hrs a day. There will be times that he walks in the door and does not mention your new hairstyle, dress or that you have lost a few pounds. Girl you have to know for yourself that you are all of that and a bag of chips. Don't ever allow yourself to be so consumed with the opinions of people that you cause this to be a problem in your marriage. Get this together now because men miss it sometimes and when you get upset because they did miss it they don't understand why. One thing that you must understand is that women watch everything and when it comes to appearance our radar goes up. We can spot a woman in a crowd of 1,000 people that has the wrong shoes with her dress but, men just don't look at those things. Now, there will be times that he does notice these things but, if you know you have it going on then it will not bother you as much when he doesn't notice. But, if he never compliments you at all then this is something that you two need to discuss.
Effective Communication: Now this is a must to achieve. We women by nature are more verbal than men and we like to hit everything head on. Most men are the total opposite because they need time to ponder their thoughts. This means sometimes when there is an issue he will go into a "cave state" which means he will not deal with the situation until he is sure that his responses are correct. He knows that he is dealing with a woman and that he needs to be sure because her biggest weapon is her mouth and she will use it if necessary. But, I must say again that if you are practicing your Christ-like behavior he will be more prone to open up whether than to shut down. Some men will go ahead and have the discussion but, whatever the case may be you must practice self control when it comes to your speech or you will totally lose his attention and I mean instantly.
Willingness To Submit: In Ephesians 5:24 the bible tells the wives to be submissive to their husband the same way God desires the church to submits to Christ. You must first have the mindset of a wife which means being able to totally and completely be submissive to your husband. Now this is scary for some because we are in the "Independent Women" era and most women feel that they really don't need a man because their salaries are hitting 6 figures. Well, maybe not now due to the recession but, that is another story for another time. Regardless of your status you must admit it feels good to have someone to take the car to the repair shop since most mechanics think we are illiterate when it comes to those issues. Or maybe to handle the kids schedules because be honest we have several single mothers or Super Moms who could use some help with the kids hectic afterschool and weekend activities and even to just make some of the major decisions that sometimes causes stress which takes a toll on our health. To sum it up you must be able to trust this man because this is what marriage is about. I had a lady to tell me that she was afraid to turn over her 6 figure salary to this man she was dating if they decide to marry. I told her if she has trust that GOD sent this man than her trust should be God. Now, don't get me wrong she has a vital point but, this comes with marriage. You have to pull the shields down and really if while dating you see that he is irresponsible with his own money well, this might not be the one to marry anyway.
Desire To Please Him Sexually: Men love sex and they need it. This gives them an opportunity to release and you have to let them do it. But, this requires work on your part as well. So, you can't be withholding sex when he makes you mad. Now, you know me by now so, I must mention the bible and it says in 1 Corinthians 7:3 that the husband or wife should not keep themselves from one another. You then wonder why Ms. Susie's husband is down the street with the other woman. Now, I know that some men who choose to sleep around is not the result of their wives not fulfulling them at home because some are just being greedy for other things. But, what I am saying is don't cause that to happen because you are not giving it up at home. One thing for sure is that most men like visuals in the bedroom. So, it doesn't hurt to go and shop at Victoria Secret sometimes and if that doesn't fit your pocketbook Walmart has some reasonable priced lingerie. The point is that your goal should be to satisfy that man to the point that he is running home to his wife. He might even decide to not watch a ball game and jump in bed with you if he knows his scores in bed are much higher than the players on the television. So, when you practice intimacy with your husband girl take him on the wildest ride in the amusement park and I guarantee you that he will always want to have that thrill ride. One key in this area is to make sure you make him feel as if he has satisfied you at a level 10 because this is the one area that men must feel they have succeeded in and if he does miss don't throw it in his face. Maybe you can suggest some new ways. Come on girls be creative!
Keep Outsiders Out Of Your Business: I can't stress this enough. Women have lost their marriages because they have allowed family or friends to put ideas in their heads about their husbands. Back to the bible and I quote from Ephesians 5:31 that a man leaves his father and mother and joins his wife and they become one. This means that God does not want everybody determining what is best for YOUR marriage. The safest thing is for you and him is to seek spiritual counseling. Now, you may have one person that you really trust and may want to ask advice but, make sure they are godly and wise. Also, they should not want to try to be overbearing and criticize you if you do the opposite or put him down. I must stress that if this man is beating you or the kids or the environment has become hostile then seek help immediately and deal with the situation OUTSIDE the house and DON'T GO BACK until he gets some help. No one should be subject to domestic violence. But, if it is just a disagreement or an issue that you feel may destroy the marriage I suggest you both go and seek spiritual counseling. This is where a church comes in because they have those that have been trained and know the word of God and can give wise and sound counseling. My suggestion is that you pray for God to send you a wise woman preferably older who is married or has been that can give you godly wisdom and even if she hasn't she could still offer good advice. In the book of Titus 2:4 it tells the older women to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. This will allow you to have someone to hold you accountable which means sometimes she will not agree with your behavior. Remember women can sometimes be too verbal and that means she will correct you. This point is vital to the success of your marriage.
A Good Housekeeper: I chose this point to be last because it seems that this should not have to be mentioned but it does. Yet it is a major issue in marriages today. Let me be blunt and say "A man does not want a messy woman". With that being said make sure you clean up your house and those children. I know especially when the kids come it can be very tiredsome. I am a mother and when you have children this takes the house duties to a whole new level. But, you must keep that house intact. In the book of Proverbs 31 the bible talks about this wife who looks well to ways of her household and she is a business woman too. If you can afford you may have to hire someone to come in once or twice a week. You can even solicit your older children and I am not just talking about teenagers(you will be amazed at what a 5yr old can help with and they love doing it). If it becomes too overwhelming discuss this with your husband and I am sure he will help with some chores even if he sends you out to get pampered while he tends to the house and kids. But, whatever the solution is it must be done because your house should have an atmosphere of warmth. This benefits not just him but, you as well. This is a vital part of the success of your marriage. Remember a man's castle is his home.
I hope these tools have been helpful to you. I want to add that if you would like to invite Christ into your life then say these words: Lord Jesus, I ask you to come into my heart, I believe you died for my sins and I make you my Lord and Savior. You have just received salvation and the beginning of a long relationship with Christ. Hebrew 10:25 talks about being in the atmosphere with other believers. I challenge you if you don't have a church home that you pray and ask God to help you find a good bible based church so, that you can be around other believers that can encourage you while on this journey. God Bless You My Sister!