- Gender and Relationships
Learning How to Apologize
Learn How to Apologize
It doesn’t matter how strong your relationship is with someone, if you do not understand the power of forgiveness, you could be letting that relationship slip away. I usually write my books based on successes I have seen with certain subjects, and this one is no different. I have seen the power behind a sincere apology, and I also have seen what can happen if you become a doormat and apologize too often. Saying I’m sorry is more than two simple words, it should connect to the other person in a way that shows them more then telling them how you feel.
One thing I was able to realize was that there are people in my life who have apologized for things they have done only once, and those apologies for some reason held more merit than others. I discovered what it was about those apologies that really touched me in a way that literally transformed my relationship with them. You can have that transformation as well if you understand how they did it and how easily you can do it as well.
This is not some gimmick to use after you cheat on your spouse to try to fool them into believing what you did was a one time incident. This is not a get out of jail free card for being bad and then following up with a lame apology. Those are the kind of apologies that most people can see right through. I understand now what it takes to get your message across with the least effort and least resistance.
Which Best Describes You?
I can recall I had gone out on a date with a friend of a friend, knowing it would really piss off my girlfriend if she found out. She had a crush on this guy and was trying to hook up with him, and I was secretly going out at night on dates with him. When I eventually got busted, I made an effort to apologize to my friend and promise her it would never happen again.
I really wanted to see him some more but I decided I would be true to my friend and kill the relationship. She never bought my apology and actually accused me of still dating him long after we broke it off.
Then on another occasion I was out late with friends and forgot about a date I had made earlier that evening. The guy was really pissed. I really liked him and it was a complete oversight on my part because I was so busy at work. I met him the next night and apologized and he forgave me. We never talked about it again and things were great after that.
I recall my apology to both was very similar, but now I realize what it was that made one seem sincere and the other just words.
Telling someone that you are sorry one hundred times has no more power than saying it correctly the first time. I now understand how powerful the apology can be in restoring relationships with friends and family that you have hurt.
I never realized when I was younger how powerful it was to forgive someone because I thought it was better to hold a grudge and remind them often how they hurt me. I also felt if I had made a mistake I needed to drum my apology into their head twenty times a day until they believed it. Looking back I realize why I destroyed so many important relationships in my life.
Saying I’m Sorry Can Help Restore Trust
When you release all that hate and simply decide that being kind is the better way to go, you will see a transformation in every part of your life. Now you are not looking for reasons to be upset each day, you are focused on being happy and making certain those you come in contact with feel that as well. You might not be able to change the world, but you can certainly change YOUR world. Imagine if you will, how it would feel each day to wake up and just enjoy the best of everyone you come in contact with.
This lifetime we enjoy is too short. People are growing up so much faster today, and we are simply wasting our lives away with garbage like who is going to win this argument. Take the high road and let the other person be right this time. That way the more they feel that fighting with you has no reward, they will in turn do the same and focus on allowing you to be right. This really is so simple if you break it down to a few basic principles.
When you get into an argument and hope to win by fighting with someone, what do you win if you are right anyway? Was all that pain actually worth that little second of you saying you told somebody so? The fighting is something that consumes many people to the point they forget what the heck they were fighting for anyway. Let it all go and understand that the true power in apologizing is giving the power to the other person.
“We Can Work it Out”
The only thing that is stopping you from happy relationships is your belief that arguing will give you peace. Stop listening to all the advice in your head about winning those arguments and focus on being able to apologize. Here is my quote from the Beatles song “We Can Work it Out”, that is perfect advice for you today, “Life is very short and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friend!!!!