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“Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!”- Lies and Our Wellbeing
We turn to our minds hoping to find silence and good advice amongst the incessant repetitive chattering’s that circulates throughout our minds constantly.
You are a Liar! someone calls out. This unsettles your tranquil mind and has you up and ready with your sword of truth ready to go to war.
Lies are becoming more abundant now more than before. Or, maybe we are uncovering the truths to the lies more, now? Whichever way, I think we see more lies spread in business and politics, however, in saying that, lies do not evade us in our everyday lives.
The more we can be in harmony, in synchronization with our hearts, minds and bodies, the more we are lie free. Otherwise it is a catch-up game of deception.
Here, we will explore the human condition to lie, by seeing why we do it in the first place; together with finding how it makes us feel and uncovering ways to cope with deception in relation to both situational and manipulative deceit.
When “Something Is Not Quite Right”?
Sun Tzu in the Art of War says to fight is the last option. The better strategy is to break their Will- their Will to fight. And that is where deception is said to be an active ingredient.
When we get a feeling, something is not quite right we can find ourselves thinking with these idioms: -
*it sounds too good to be true
*don’t judge a book by its cover
We as humans have a lot in common. It is just the degree how developed our skill sets are, that separates us.
For instance, we can all bat in cricket but few of us will make our national cricket team and play all over the world.
For instance, we all can run but few of us will win an Olympic Gold medal.
Why You Cannot Bear to Be Lied to When You Lie Also
You grow feebler as you put more time into deciding what is the truth or what is the lie you are being told when someone is habitually telling you small lies. You may try to ignore it but really you cannot ignore it, it’s like a thorn in your side and its wearing you down and out.
What do you do when the lies are big? Especially, when it is people who have placed your full faith in? This shakes you to the core. It flips your whole worldview upside down and nullifies everything you held to be good and true. You will more than likely call this person or people evil and walk away seeing the glass half empty (rather than full) and be more castigating, suspicious and resentful.
Being Lied to Is a Demeaning Experience
When you realize you have been intentionally lied to, whether the lie is big or small, it is a demeaning lowering experience because: -
* it forces you doubt yourself together with your trust in other’s goodness and viability being eroded and potentially nullified
*placing your good faith in someone has only led you to be taken advantage of
*you learn you are a schmuck
*it shows your intelligence was scorned or undervalued
*you now feel you are a second-class citizen who is not worthy of truth.
How to Manage Lies?
Are you a half glass full person? Are you a half glass empty person? That is, do you believe people will lean to telling you the truth, first up? Or, do you expect people to tell you a lie, first up? I think no one would like to be manipulated to act in a certain way or be led in a certain direction you normally wouldn’t head in. Here, sadly this type of deception involves you in the deception, so in a back handed way you, too, become the liar.
How Can One Manage Situational Lies and Liars?
If someone tells you a big lie, do not confront them head on as it will only cause then to withdraw, deny, come back at you or be angry towards you. It is better all-round if you can adopt a conversational tone and style. Then-
*tell them how it makes you feel
*tell them with considerations what the truth is
*be as calm as you possibly can
*it is up to you whether you hold them accountable or not. Whether you give them a second chance of not. (If it happens again I would wave them goodbye)
How One Can Manage Chronic and Manipulative Liars?
It is claimed that you cannot change chronic liars. All you can do is either put up with it or use humour to let them know they are lying to you.
If they are strategic liars? You avoid them or drop them instantly. However, some times that cannot be done because they are either co-workers or family members.
The only two tactics you have available then are: -
*state your boundaries around deception or deceptive practices.
*ask more questions but then this could lead you into more lies.
Your blood will boil in these situations. However, remember, we all tell lies for different reasons. If they lied because they feel their back is in a corner, see if you can replace anger with understanding. Because hasn’t that ever happened to you?
6 Sun Tzu’s Strategies to Deal with The Established Enemy (the Deceptor)
Strategy 1-A Good Outcome Results When One Knows When to Fight and When Not to Fight.
If you become aware you are being blind-sighted with lies and are unsure what to do next? Retreat or do nothing. Wait until the clouds of obscurity part.
Strategy 2. Dealing with Frustration Due to the Lying
When we cannot see through the deception we grow frustrated. Here, we then need to find our own set of personal techniques to deal with the frustration, until the time comes when you can break through the manipulation of the small and/or big lies.
Strategy 3. You Are a Force When You are in Synchronization with Your Heart, Mind and Body.
This can be a lifetime exercise and challenge. Not easy to do.
We are human therefore we differ in how congruent (or not congruent) we are with our hopes and written values inside our heart, mind and body. Once the heart, mind and body are in Sympatico, you become an impenetrable block or force when someone is intentionally confusing you and manipulating you to make the worst possible decision for your life, values and needs
Strategy 4. To Figure Out the Deception You Need to Be Better at Understanding the Art of Deception
To deal more effectively with who is deceiving you, you have to be more knowing in how deception works in comparison to the one who is deceiving you.
For instance, when a sports team makes mistakes, they give their opponents an opportunity to win even if the moves are predetermined. So that, even if the opponents know what is coming their way, they know they cannot ward it off or stop what is coming their way. Therefore, it becomes a game of subtlety in the warfare of deception.
Strategy 5. Becoming One Mindset from Top to Bottom.
Having one firm value, belief, conviction or having a group with one mindset from top to bottom, can win that debate or that civil or spiritual war.
Strategy 6. Keeping Your Strategies, a Secret
Your strategy must be kept a secret from the deceiver, your opponent.
It is said that deception is not a military method but a part of human nature.
Developing Potential Understanding for Why People Lie and Deceive Us
I do not condone lying but maybe to be fair we could entertain the background reasons why certain people lie a lot. Maybe it is because: -
1. Lying was a childhood life saver. It helped this person to survive a horrible or conflictual home situation which they couldn’t escape but had to make it okay in some way. Lying created a sense of safety for them.
2. Maybe they are insecure people who deal with an inner tug of war between feeling superior and inferior. Together with being unsure of what they really want in life.
3. Then again, they could be a hard core sociopathic, psychopathic manipulative liar who has been successful over and over again because of their hidden agendas and being underhanded in relation with them.
These people lack empathy for others.
These people will coerce you to do something you normally would not do in terms of your beliefs and values. Therefore, the contempt, fear and hatred are high for this kind of manipulative liar.
There will be times you will tell white lies to not upset or offend those you like or care for.
To the degree you deceive depends on your experience and judgement.
*For instance, you would keep it to yourself that you now found your employer unbearable yet you cannot leave because you either have not secured the next employment position and you still need to pay your bills.
*For instance, you are aware of your own frailties but you keep (or lie?) about your Achilles Heel because if someone knew, that would make you suffer intolerably, annihilate your existence or blackmail you monetarily or emotionally.
*For instance, what would be the repercussions if your government had the technology to hack your brain? What if there was technology that located your brain wavelength and cut into it to find the reflective, uncultured and unexperienced responses your pre-verbal part of your brain fired. Here, you know do not act on those thoughts but those who have the technology say you can or do act on those thoughts or they represent who your truly are and that is your intention/s. What if someone who hated you or who was a competitor had this information and/or used this information in a legal or psychiatric deemed scenario? It would be like the situation in the film Minority Report. You would have no place to go to, would you?
Lying is a violation of moral and legal principles.
Lying is a highly unpleasant factor of the human condition.
Our values and persistence support us to learn to detect deceptive practices together with knowing when to apply the art of deception to protect ourselves from those who would harm or injure us. Deceptive practices can also be applied to promote our interests so that we are able to survive the world we have been born into.
The bottom line is it is up to you to discern when or how to use the art of deception.
The key is to be AWARE of when you employ or not employ the art of deception and hence be accountable for the resulting consequences.
Recognising that it is human nature to deceive can be a wakeup call from your metaphorical sleep. If you feel impaled by circumstances caused by small and big lies, take the cautious pathway to recuperate from your losses.
Which of Sun Tzu's Srategies Did You Find Helpful?
© 2018 Threekeys