ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

“Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!”- Lies and Our Wellbeing

Updated on March 31, 2018
threekeys profile image

Some describe Charmaine's poetry and writings ecclectic, cryptic, whimisical, simple or intense.She is a native of Australia.



We turn to our minds hoping to find silence and good advice amongst the incessant repetitive chattering’s that circulates throughout our minds constantly.

You are a Liar! someone calls out. This unsettles your tranquil mind and has you up and ready with your sword of truth ready to go to war.

Lies are becoming more abundant now more than before. Or, maybe we are uncovering the truths to the lies more, now? Whichever way, I think we see more lies spread in business and politics, however, in saying that, lies do not evade us in our everyday lives.

The more we can be in harmony, in synchronization with our hearts, minds and bodies, the more we are lie free. Otherwise it is a catch-up game of deception.

Here, we will explore the human condition to lie, by seeing why we do it in the first place; together with finding how it makes us feel and uncovering ways to cope with deception in relation to both situational and manipulative deceit.

When “Something Is Not Quite Right”?

Sun Tzu in the Art of War says to fight is the last option. The better strategy is to break their Will- their Will to fight. And that is where deception is said to be an active ingredient.

When we get a feeling, something is not quite right we can find ourselves thinking with these idioms: -

*it sounds too good to be true

*don’t judge a book by its cover

*fool’s gold

We as humans have a lot in common. It is just the degree how developed our skill sets are, that separates us.

For instance, we can all bat in cricket but few of us will make our national cricket team and play all over the world.

For instance, we all can run but few of us will win an Olympic Gold medal.

Why You Cannot Bear to Be Lied to When You Lie Also

You grow feebler as you put more time into deciding what is the truth or what is the lie you are being told when someone is habitually telling you small lies. You may try to ignore it but really you cannot ignore it, it’s like a thorn in your side and its wearing you down and out.

What do you do when the lies are big? Especially, when it is people who have placed your full faith in? This shakes you to the core. It flips your whole worldview upside down and nullifies everything you held to be good and true. You will more than likely call this person or people evil and walk away seeing the glass half empty (rather than full) and be more castigating, suspicious and resentful.

Being Lied to Is a Demeaning Experience

When you realize you have been intentionally lied to, whether the lie is big or small, it is a demeaning lowering experience because: -

* it forces you doubt yourself together with your trust in other’s goodness and viability being eroded and potentially nullified

*placing your good faith in someone has only led you to be taken advantage of

*you learn you are a schmuck

*it shows your intelligence was scorned or undervalued

*you now feel you are a second-class citizen who is not worthy of truth.


How to Manage Lies?

Are you a half glass full person? Are you a half glass empty person? That is, do you believe people will lean to telling you the truth, first up? Or, do you expect people to tell you a lie, first up? I think no one would like to be manipulated to act in a certain way or be led in a certain direction you normally wouldn’t head in. Here, sadly this type of deception involves you in the deception, so in a back handed way you, too, become the liar.

How Can One Manage Situational Lies and Liars?

If someone tells you a big lie, do not confront them head on as it will only cause then to withdraw, deny, come back at you or be angry towards you. It is better all-round if you can adopt a conversational tone and style. Then-

*tell them how it makes you feel

*tell them with considerations what the truth is

*be as calm as you possibly can

*it is up to you whether you hold them accountable or not. Whether you give them a second chance of not. (If it happens again I would wave them goodbye)

How One Can Manage Chronic and Manipulative Liars?

It is claimed that you cannot change chronic liars. All you can do is either put up with it or use humour to let them know they are lying to you.

If they are strategic liars? You avoid them or drop them instantly. However, some times that cannot be done because they are either co-workers or family members.

The only two tactics you have available then are: -

*state your boundaries around deception or deceptive practices.

*ask more questions but then this could lead you into more lies.

Your blood will boil in these situations. However, remember, we all tell lies for different reasons. If they lied because they feel their back is in a corner, see if you can replace anger with understanding. Because hasn’t that ever happened to you?


6 Sun Tzu’s Strategies to Deal with The Established Enemy (the Deceptor)

Strategy 1-A Good Outcome Results When One Knows When to Fight and When Not to Fight.

If you become aware you are being blind-sighted with lies and are unsure what to do next? Retreat or do nothing. Wait until the clouds of obscurity part.

Strategy 2. Dealing with Frustration Due to the Lying

When we cannot see through the deception we grow frustrated. Here, we then need to find our own set of personal techniques to deal with the frustration, until the time comes when you can break through the manipulation of the small and/or big lies.

Strategy 3. You Are a Force When You are in Synchronization with Your Heart, Mind and Body.

This can be a lifetime exercise and challenge. Not easy to do.

We are human therefore we differ in how congruent (or not congruent) we are with our hopes and written values inside our heart, mind and body. Once the heart, mind and body are in Sympatico, you become an impenetrable block or force when someone is intentionally confusing you and manipulating you to make the worst possible decision for your life, values and needs

Strategy 4. To Figure Out the Deception You Need to Be Better at Understanding the Art of Deception

To deal more effectively with who is deceiving you, you have to be more knowing in how deception works in comparison to the one who is deceiving you.

For instance, when a sports team makes mistakes, they give their opponents an opportunity to win even if the moves are predetermined. So that, even if the opponents know what is coming their way, they know they cannot ward it off or stop what is coming their way. Therefore, it becomes a game of subtlety in the warfare of deception.

Strategy 5. Becoming One Mindset from Top to Bottom.

Having one firm value, belief, conviction or having a group with one mindset from top to bottom, can win that debate or that civil or spiritual war.

Strategy 6. Keeping Your Strategies, a Secret

Your strategy must be kept a secret from the deceiver, your opponent.

It is said that deception is not a military method but a part of human nature.


Developing Potential Understanding for Why People Lie and Deceive Us

I do not condone lying but maybe to be fair we could entertain the background reasons why certain people lie a lot. Maybe it is because: -

1. Lying was a childhood life saver. It helped this person to survive a horrible or conflictual home situation which they couldn’t escape but had to make it okay in some way. Lying created a sense of safety for them.

2. Maybe they are insecure people who deal with an inner tug of war between feeling superior and inferior. Together with being unsure of what they really want in life.

3. Then again, they could be a hard core sociopathic, psychopathic manipulative liar who has been successful over and over again because of their hidden agendas and being underhanded in relation with them.

These people lack empathy for others.

These people will coerce you to do something you normally would not do in terms of your beliefs and values. Therefore, the contempt, fear and hatred are high for this kind of manipulative liar.

There will be times you will tell white lies to not upset or offend those you like or care for.

To the degree you deceive depends on your experience and judgement.

*For instance, you would keep it to yourself that you now found your employer unbearable yet you cannot leave because you either have not secured the next employment position and you still need to pay your bills.

*For instance, you are aware of your own frailties but you keep (or lie?) about your Achilles Heel because if someone knew, that would make you suffer intolerably, annihilate your existence or blackmail you monetarily or emotionally.

*For instance, what would be the repercussions if your government had the technology to hack your brain? What if there was technology that located your brain wavelength and cut into it to find the reflective, uncultured and unexperienced responses your pre-verbal part of your brain fired. Here, you know do not act on those thoughts but those who have the technology say you can or do act on those thoughts or they represent who your truly are and that is your intention/s. What if someone who hated you or who was a competitor had this information and/or used this information in a legal or psychiatric deemed scenario? It would be like the situation in the film Minority Report. You would have no place to go to, would you?

In Summary

Lying is a violation of moral and legal principles.

Lying is a highly unpleasant factor of the human condition.

Our values and persistence support us to learn to detect deceptive practices together with knowing when to apply the art of deception to protect ourselves from those who would harm or injure us. Deceptive practices can also be applied to promote our interests so that we are able to survive the world we have been born into.

The bottom line is it is up to you to discern when or how to use the art of deception.

The key is to be AWARE of when you employ or not employ the art of deception and hence be accountable for the resulting consequences.

Recognising that it is human nature to deceive can be a wakeup call from your metaphorical sleep. If you feel impaled by circumstances caused by small and big lies, take the cautious pathway to recuperate from your losses.

Which of Sun Tzu's Srategies Did You Find Helpful?

See results

© 2018 Threekeys


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Rhyme Vine Poetry profile image

      Tamara Yancosky Moore 5 days ago from Uninhabited Regions

      Threekeys, no need to apologize! I think it’s cool! Ya!!!


    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 6 days ago from Australia

      I didnt know that! Apologies.

    • Rhyme Vine Poetry profile image

      Tamara Yancosky Moore 6 days ago from Uninhabited Regions

      Oh! I wrote an article on WP with this same exact title! Whoaaaaa! Very cool!

    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 3 weeks ago from Australia

      Yes quite well aware of thes statistics where the spouse ends up kiling thier spouse. All in the name of that word "love".

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 weeks ago

      I suppose there is no way for any of us read another person's mind or heart let alone know what they are capable of years from now. No one on their wedding day is planning to get divorced.

      And yet statistically at least in the U.S. there's a almost a 50% chance their nuptials will (not) result into a "happily ever after" life.

      All we can do is our best to ask probing questions, observe behavior, and possibly do background checks before committing to someone. Even with all that it only covers (present and past) behavior. The future is always uncertain.

      Some people have been known to kill their spouse!

      Marriage and relationships are always a gamble.

    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 3 weeks ago from Australia

      Dashingscorpio this article about deception was inspired from a television program I viewed three days ago. The name of the program is called “Insight” and it has a panel of up to 3-4 invited guests with an audience that either has experienced the same or similar things together with leaders of organizations that provide support for people who experience the dilemmas discussed at the time of the filming. This TV program has collective esteem for being authentic.

      On this viewing there were three females invited to tell their story. I couldn’t believe it and yet I could believe it what had happened to these three females. The deception was deep and long term.

      In story one, Rachel is a New Zealander and at the time in her twenties. Rachel is an activist for Greenpeace or some organization like that. Unknown to her (until the end when Rob admitted it to a Journalist) until years into her marriage to Rob, Rachel learnt that her husband Rob was a spying police officer sanctioned by the state to spy on her and marry her. He collected intelligence material of the most intimate and humiliating aspects so the state could forge a profile on her. She said she can never just be, anymore. She will never let a person get close to her and experience the real her.

      Story 2. A Christian female who is a Member of the Victorian Parliament, started dating on line again after her divorce and at this time she is 30 years of age. She has one son from her previous marriage.

      She went through a Christian dating site and met a Christian guy of whom she married about 12 months later. She said they just “clicked”. Years into the marriage….one day she had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach and decided to go home from work and look at her husband’s computer browsing areas (with the aid of her son) and she found huge amounts of photos and videos of children under 5 years of age (especially females) being raped and cruelly raped. She phoned the police and within 4 days he was arrested. But she never knew. Now she never wants to be in a relationship again.

      Story 3. A female in her 50’s marries again and to a man who saw as a “nice, gentle caring” guy. Years into the marriage, he was brought home in cuffs with the police with having carried out a crime similar to the above. She still even visited him in jail and still wants to marry again.

      This is frightening to me.

      Elijah, I don't know what to say.

      It was a real life sized experiment you carried out. You are courageous to me.


      It all depends on our set of skills and how we can develop them or not.

      Thank you for stopping by and sharing.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 weeks ago

      There are two basic reasons why people lie.

      1. To avoid the pain or repercussions of dealing with the truth.

      This also includes possibly causing someone else pain or having to deal with their anger, hurt, or disappointment in them.

      2. To look better in one's eyes or to keep the thrill alive.

      Whatever they are doing they don't want to stop. If they told the truth they suspect the other person would not approve and demand they stop. People lie to get ahead.

      When we catch someone in a lie our (ego) takes a major hit.

      As you noted (we feel like were stupid for trusting them) and angry at ourselves for being "fooled". We're also upset because the value of that relationship has gone down or is clearly not what worth what we thought it was. We're taught to believe if you really care about someone you're always {honest with them}. When someone lies to us we feel a sense of unimportance.

      Nevertheless it's important to remember lying is a "self-centered" activity. They're not thinking about (you) per se only about what it is they want to accomplish. Generally it's about getting ahead, looking good, or taking advantage of a situation.

      Most liars or cheaters for that matter don't expect to be caught!

      Their motto: "What (you) don't know won't hurt you."

      In some instances there are what I call "time released lies" which are lies the liar (knows will be discovered) however it will be (after) they have gotten whatever it is they wanted. These liars motto is: "It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."

      They'll say or do whatever it takes to get what they want.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 3 weeks ago from Washington DC

      Actually, Charmaine, strategies numbers 1 and 6 are the same and are the ones I employed the most since embarking on this journey to correct this government..

      When I suspected the court was deceiving me I tested them by giving them false information concerning what I thought and wait until they finished. I had a plan of action I intended to use and once it was revealed I went through the proper channels to combat them. That is what I used for the government and its falsified legal system.

      I then looked to the Constitution to see what was SUPPOSED to be the outcomes and compared it to the outcomes then pushed it through their system all the way to the top to find out our entire government incompletely deceptive. I had been given Amendment 10 as "We The People's Power Amendment" in 1985, just as I began to be harassed by the legal system - individual deceptions mattered little to me because I wasn't going to be around them long - so I knew I needed to get into the document when it began in '85. I studied what everyone in government are supposed to be doing and compared it to what I could see happening. That resulted in my writing The U.S. Constitution's Spirit hub to show others just how un-empowered our government is to do what We The People have.

      I Really enjoyed reading it and hope many others will, it contains very valuable information to be used against those in authority and governments. In individual cases I am not sure how well it works since I usually went another way and left them to their beliefs.


    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I would have voted all of the above. With understanding comes development, with development one can achieve mastery over an outcome.

      This is a really good hub. Very helpful in life.