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Lies - Cheating and An Untamed Ego

Updated on September 7, 2016

Stay Or Go

When you marry a person for what you think is your security, it may work for awhile but eventually it comes to be what you knew it was, a marriage of convenience. I thought I had fell in love with a man that I met over 6 years ago, but as the years went on it was not love it was knowing that I was taken care of. A sense of stability in my mind. That had been something I longed for my entire life so when I found it I tried to cling to it, not caring about the signs of anything else that were brewing over the years. I became the beautiful trophy wife, the show piece, my husbands ego had gotten so big with every dollar he was making, he just thought money was life and nothing else matter. He began to look down on everyone, even me, the one person that was there when he had alot less than mow. All he needed me for was to let the world know he had money, the perfect wife, cars , and a home that was filled with useless things and not one single portrait of the family that lived there because to him that wasn't anything to be showing off. So the loving devoted wife that I am or was took my own approach to the situation, I cheated. I met this guy who became my best friend. All he wanted was to see me laugh and happy. It was never about sex with us. Long walks on the beach, wonderful dinners and we even made fun of each other to the point there was always a song or phrase that reminded one of the other. It was magical. We tried to make a fairy tale come true but both he and I knew it would never be as long as y marriage existed. The only thing that was left was to end my marriage and begin this new chapter in life with the best man that I have ever met and only man that I see myself loving. Now this is where I am suppose to say I got a divorce and me and this man ran off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. No, definitely not the case. So I confronted my husband told him of my infidelity and to my surprise the reaction I received wasn't a get the hell out of my face/life forever. It was a begging and pleading that he would change , just give him the 1 and only chance to prove it. Me being the person that I am once again thought over the situation, guilt started to eat me alive about doing him wrong and he took care of me for 6 plus years could I really leave him for this fairy tale? Well I didn't get the chance to make the decision on my own, my fairy tale chose for me. I lost the man that I saw as my best friend, my no matter what. He made the hardest choice in the world and now me being me instead of fighting for him, I want him to be happy so I am letting go and attempting to make this marriage that I am in amount to something. Who knows maybe I will get that fairy tale one day. When our paths meet in 10 years or more I will always wonder if I made the right choice.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 13 months ago

      There were some interesting statements you made.

      " I thought I had fell in love with a man that I met over 6 years ago, but as the years went on it was not love it was knowing that I was taken care of."

      You then later complained that money was all your husband cared about.

      "So the loving devoted wife that I am or was took my own approach to the situation, I cheated. I met this guy who became my best friend. All he wanted was to see me laugh and happy."

      Clearly your husband loved you since he begged (you) to stay. However the problem is he didn't love you (the way) you wanted to be loved.

      Here's the thing if you were madly in love with the "other guy" you would have left no matter what. There would have been nothing he could have said that would have kept you in miserable marriage....etc

      People often ask cheaters: "If you were unhappy why didn't you leave?"

      The truth of the matter is the goal of most cheaters is hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. They want to "compliment" what they have.

      Most cheaters have no desire to replace one relationship with another. Essentially if they could they would "combine" the attributes of the other man/woman with their spouse to make their "ideal mate".

      In your case if the "other man" had your husband's money in addition to all his other traits he would have been perfect and if your husband had the other man's traits he would have been "perfect"!

      Very few people realize that it's the obstacles and secrecy of an affair that intensifies the passion and romance. "Life has played a cruel joke on us." "I met the "right man" at the "wrong time." "We never planned for this to happen." "One thing led to another" or "The heart wants what it wants" - They're all clichés used by lovers to say it "happened to them".

      The reality is both cheating and monogamy are (choices).

      Some people actually cheat in order to tolerate a miserable marriage especially when money/security is involved.

      You talk about yourself not fighting hard to keep the other guy but in reality as you said he didn't give you that option. He didn't fight for you!

      Don't be surprised if you find yourself in the same position down the road. It's very rare that one's mate "changes" for them.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what have. Accept them (as is) or move on.