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Lies That Your Future In-Laws Won't Believe

Updated on December 18, 2012

GOD HELP US

guys who think that we must tell bold-face lies to impress our future-in laws. A bit of soul-washing here, but I seriously think that us guys lie more than our girlfriends and wives. Why? I don't know. I don't think anyone, genius or doofus, really knows.

But this cycle of telling our future in-laws the slickest of lies has to stop somewhere. Say, right about here, for I have at least 10 various lies that have either been told, being told somewhere in the world even as I type, or have been told by some fool-of-a-man somewhere in time to simply get his mother and daddy in-law to accept him.

In-laws can see through the finest told lie . . .

So guys be on your best behavior and don't tell any lies from this list.
So guys be on your best behavior and don't tell any lies from this list. | Source

LIE #10: "OH, IN A FEW SHORT WEEKS, "I" WILL BE THE PLANT MANAGER

Well, did you realize, buddy, that your future in-laws are Rhode Scholars with a combined IQ of 256? And you, just an assistant janitor, sitting on their couch so expensive that you couldn't buy it with three year's pay, telling them this "whopper?" Who are you trying to fool, fool? That foolish move of forgetting to change out of your assistant janitor's coveralls into your sports clothes was a sure tip-off.


LIE #9: "MONEY WON'T BE A PROBLEM FOR US."

Great lie, friend, but why did you beg "Sally Jo," your fiance, to ask her dad for a twenty to get you from tonight to payday? Bud, you might as well be honest and tell them that you are almost broke and almost on starvation. They will love you more for telling the cold truth than a convenient lie.


LIE #8: "WORK, SIR, MA'AM? I LOVE TO WORK. I WORK MOST ALL TIME."

Nearly believable, but not all the way true. Sure you love to work, but only when your boss, the supervising janitor down at The Galaxy Convenient Store is off on business so you can play video games all day and play the part of a "slacker." And if you love work so much, why then does "Sally Jo" have to call you almost everyday to wake you up for your shift? Get real, man. Truth is the way to go.


LIE #7: "SALLY JO IS THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME."

This is probably the biggest lie you could tell a set of in-laws. It might work only if your future father in-law winks at you when his wife, your future mother-in-law isn't looking, but that is a rare occasion. No, "Sally Jo" is not the only girl for you because you still have the number of your steady girl that you never told about "Sally Jo" and you getting married to her. Best fess-up. Be honest and clean with this one before you are admitted to the hospital.


LIE #6: "MY GRADES IN SCHOOL WERE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT."

Fact is, this much of the lie is true. Your grades WERE something to talk about. It was said of you, "how can one man get through six years of high school by making all "F's?" You, my lying friend, are a legend. An uneducated legend with a dead-end job that pays almost below minimum wage and you are here deceiving your future in-laws that "you" were genius material? Oh, God, please keep lightning from striking you.


LIE #5: "SALLY JO AND I PLAN TO WAIT TO HAVE KIDS."

Great lie. Bad plan. "Sally Jo" is six months pregnant because you just had to have "that" one night of "jungle passion" without protection. What will your future in-laws say in another six months when "Sally Jo's" clothes will no longer fit her?


LIE #4: "I LOVE SALLY JOE MORE THAN ANYTHING."

What a great attempt, buddy. You almost had your future in-laws convinced. But what about "Todd," "Frank," and "Looney," your beer-guzzling buddies who got you fired from your last three jobs? One time last week, you told "Sally Jo" that you had to go with "Todd" to the emergency room because he had cut his hand on some broken glass. That was true, but the broken glass was a Budweiser bottle he dropped at a wild party you helped to plan.


LIE #3: "I AM A TRUE CONSERVATIVE ALL THE WAY."

So why did you vote against Mitt Romney in the 2012 Presidential Election? You just hope and pray that your own parents don't "spill the beans" at the usual parental get-together when your parents get to meet "Sally Jo's" parents and your dad says, "my boy is an Obama man. Wy' he worked for the Democratic Party all summer and for NOTHING.


LIE #2: "I RESPECT YOUR OPINION, SIR. MA'AM."

Okay. What will you do when your future father-in-law says, "son, I don't have a high opinion of you at all. You come in here dressed in dirty, torn jeans, a sloppy tee-shirt and not shaven." I guess this bold declaration of "you respecting their opinions," didn't fly, huh? Never say anything like this that will put you "in a corner with your in-laws." Remember. They just might have photographic memories.


LIE #1: "HUNTING? I HUNT ALL OF THE TIME, SIR."

Yeah, sure, man. Then explain why you marched in a "Say No to Guns," parade just last Saturday? Hunting? You wouldn't know a rabbit from a corn stalk. Hunting? Oh yeah, you like to hunt free meals and hot chicks, maybe, but not game.


Guys, take my advice. Be honest at all times. It's better this be said of you, "that boy is so honest that he gets on my nerves," than, "that boy. Every time his mouth opens, a lie comes out."

Have a good marriage, and tell "Sally Jo" that I said hello.

Son-in-law's-to-be, take heed . . .

Always tell your in-laws the truth even if it hurts.
Always tell your in-laws the truth even if it hurts. | Source

Comments

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    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      What a funny post -- lots of truth listed within the lines! Thanks for putting a good chuckle in my day.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, and Merry Christmas, Gypsy Rose Lee,

      Thank you kindly for your nice remarks. Yes, there are guys who would stoop to telling their future in-laws pure lies to impress them. And not take into consideration that their (the lying future son-in-law's) sweating, fidgety ways, and squriming out of discomfort, may be definite give-aways to their deception.

      Some guys need to learn HOW to tell the truth and what the truth really is.

      Sad when guys this day and time cannot tell the difference between a lie and the truth.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, DDE,

      And thank you, for the kind comment. I pray that God smiles on you not only at Christmas, but beyond.

      Your remarks, along with all on this hub, make me feel GREAT, and I am not pushing Kellogg's Frosted Flakes (e.g. Tony, the tiger).

      Merry Christmas, DDE.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Catgypsy,

      I agree. Parents are NOT stupid at all, except when they are too lazy or too self-involved to get involved with their daughters' and sons' friends and future fiances.

      Asking questions at the right time is still appropriate.

      And if the daughter or son balks in anger, remind them that they are living under OUR roof, rent-free; free-food; clothing; gas for car and car too.

      Parents need not be the fall-guy in these situations.

      Thanks for your kind remarks.

      From me, Pam, Festus, J.D., Joe, Sissy, Hobollenia and Peter the Roaming Possum.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      MHatter99,

      You are very welcome. No charge. No strings attached. No hidden legalities. What makes a better gift than a FREE HUB for Christmas? Ever thought of that?

      I am just just writing for my own pleasure, but as a service to my followers and their families.

      And all without any pay.

      Now I feel like Santa.

      You could email me some coffee (no milk, please. Allergic), and Oreo's. Hint. Hint.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ Sommer,

      Thank you, my sweet Hubs friend, for the very nice remarks. God bless you for taking time to send me this uplifting comment.

      I wish for YOU and yours, the BEST Christmas and New Year EVER, and I am so glad to read your comments again.

      I had started to worry as to where you were.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Kathleen,

      Thank you for your input, and I love your idea of things in-laws have heard, mostly lies and brags, right? Why don't YOU write this? I am serious. I would, but my one and only son-in-law was so honest with me when he asked to marry my daughter, that I was on-edge afraid he would vanish into thin air.

      So do this. Write the hub you mentioned. I will be looking for it.

      Seasons Greetings.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      My Dear writinglover,

      Thank you for your sweet comment, and I am glad that I could be of help. You never know when a "slick-talking" huckster may try to slither into your life and it pays to be prepared.

      Seasons Greetings to you, my Dear friend.

      Keep in touch and keep me in your prayers.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Another hilarious hub. Great list of no-nos.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Awesome Hub with good reference here, A good one to bookmark

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      Hahaha...parents are NOT as stupid as most young guys think! Telling the truth is always best and would work wonders! Good hub!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Great stuff. Thank you for this.

    • SommerDalton profile image

      Sommer Dalton 5 years ago

      Made my day, I'm still laughing! Voted up plus 3! Perfect for the holidays:)

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 5 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Great Hub Kenneth! Some of us on the other side should make a list of the worst things we've heard from prospective in-laws - - - from the benefit of hindsight of course.

    • writinglover profile image

      Jennifer 5 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      I loved this hub from the get-go and it will come in handy in the future if I start dating that type of guy...LOL! It's an 'if and when type' situation, but this is good reference material. *grins* Great hub!

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