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Friendship and Love; Is It More About What You Gain From It, or What You Give Back to It?

Updated on October 3, 2019
Aarij Khalid profile image

Aarij loves to write on those aspects of love and life that are treated as a complicated and difficult matter of apprehension to the society

Life and Love Isn’t About What You Gain, It’s About What You Give.

I believe there’s nothing wrong in giving more than what you’re receiving. It’s just a matter of time until people realize what we actually do for them. Maintaining love and appreciation is not really about what you want. It is more about what you give, with genuine intentions and wholeheartedness. When you revive yourself, you have even more to give, since happiness attracts more happiness, because the secret of happiness is finding love through giving love, rather than through receiving it.

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"Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you."

Quite a popular saying, isn’t it? So should we put in efforts for people who are not willing to do the same for us? Well certainly, how clear can a message be more than this one? Especially when you are affected by all the drama involved in such sort of personal relations. There’s a puzzling feeling that overwhelms us when we’re reaching out to someone, an awkward feeling and embarrassment that makes us ask ourselves, “Are we bothering them?” But the thing is, you can feel when you’re bothering someone. When you are the one who is approaching every time, always initiating contact, always starting the conversation, you tend to realize the almost sweet disappointment that you are the one chasing after them. And when they grant you with their mutuality, with their attention — nothing feels better. That’s when you ask yourself, “How do I get their attention without feeling that way?” and after you’ve asked yourself that, another thought comes running in asking “would I do the same if I were in their place?” and that is when you instantly get the answers. You either push them away or you understand each other’s situation. So what should you really do? After reading this you will hopefully understand the complexity of love, life and friendship in a much deeper way that allows you to be aware of our emotions and how we work along with our feelings in regard to kindness, patience and compassion.

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So maybe when people say “don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you”, they do so, so that you do not make yourself feel unloved, unappreciated and unworthy. But what they don't know is that this causes the creation of an unnecessary barrier that prevents us to reach our happiness and our understanding of each other, eventually losing the love that made them put in even the smallest of efforts, or as they say, crossing mere “puddles” compared to our “oceans” of efforts for them. I believe there’s nothing wrong in giving more than what you’re receiving. It’s just a matter of time until people realize what we actually do for them. Maintaining love and appreciation is not really about what you want. It is more about what you give, with genuine intentions and wholeheartedness.

“It’s not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving”

— Mother Teresa

Giving or Receiving, Which Should It Be?

These wise words from Mother Teresa that emphasize over how much love we put into giving, also guide us to cross oceans for those who cannot cross puddles. Since time is the biggest game changer, you never know when the other person will start doing the same, or even much more for you. Had the people who claim not to put in efforts waited some more, maybe they’d witness how time changes people.

Apart from romantic relationships this also applies to friendship. Even as a friend we may have certain wants or expectations; support, loyalty, honesty, love, etc. but you cannot become so focused on your demands that the person across from you wants exactly the same thing. If everyone is wanting and nobody is ready to give, the love gets lost somewhere here. However you cannot be a stranger to yourself. Things that make you happy should not be fulfilled by laying the responsibility on someone else’s shoulders. Claiming someone loves you and they will do all these things for you is the creation of an unnecessary barrier preventing us from reaching our destination of happiness. If you feel you deserve something, just go get it. Spoil yourself and do all the things that you wish someone would do for you, or even furthermore, do it for the other person what you want for yourself, and the joy you will feel will not be any less. When you revive yourself, you have even more to give, since happiness attracts more happiness, because apparently the secret of happiness is finding love through giving love, rather than through receiving it.

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What Have My Experiences Taught Me and What Can You Make of It?

In my experiences, I have always favored being the one who gives the most. This is because I believe in the phrase “what goes around, comes around”. If I want someone to be attached to me as I am to them, the best way possible to achieve this is by giving first, because that only will start the process of receiving. It takes time to develop that sort of bond but it has its perks. This statement can be understood by realizing that “a single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions and the roots spring up to make new trees “- (Emelia Earhart)

My experiences tell me life and love aren’t about what you gain but about what you give, because giving is better than receiving since that is the ability you give somebody to get stronger than they would be, than they could be, before you loved them. It’s been difficult being the initiator but it’s always led to valuable and rewarding moments. If I dream about her all day, I’d surely manage to talk to her all night too. Waiting and working out her signals can get complicated, so why not just dive into that ocean where the immensity of love intensifies and eventually I make that ocean just a puddle for her, to cross on from her side? After all, all the words ever spoken in love are but drops in the vast ocean of feelings, and what good is an ocean of love if there is no one to receive it? People I never knew I would have a bonding with, people with whom reaching that level of friendship was the toughest, are the ones today who now make me laugh when I don’t even want to smile. So it’s all about giving, more than receiving, because in the end your connection and your attachment will let you share the happiness!

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