- Gender and Relationships
Limited Contact Rule (LC) After Break Up: What You Need To Know
What is Limited Contact? This is whereby a person doesn’t initiate any form of contact with an ex for a limited period of time. This means you are not going to contact your ex for a few days, for example, three days. You arrange which days to calls and which to remain silent.
You are not going to call, send online messages, or use any other means of communication. No stalking and no using your friends to get to know how your ex is doing or more about him since the breakup.
Who is it recommended to? It is recommended to anyone who has either been on the receivership of the breakup or the one who has called the shots
How long should Limited Contact run? If the contact is beyond two weeks then it cannot be said you are applying the Limited Contact. In this case you are using No Contact rule. A person who applies this contact is unable to contact his ex for more than two weeks.
In essence it means you will contact your ex after a few days or once or twice per week. Let us take an example the break up occurred last week on Friday. You have decided not to initiate any contact with your ex. You have lacked the patience to endure for more than two weeks.
Therefore, if you are not able to endure not contacting your ex for more than two weeks then you can apply the Limited Contact rule. Secondly, if circumstances force you to always meet your ex face-to-face then it’s impossible to apply the No Contact rule. For instance, if you are in the same class or are colleagues in the same work place; it will be difficult not to talk to your ex. Thirdly, if out the relationship you had a child and you are not in custody of the child, then you would want to talk to your child. The only possible route to undertake to talk to your child is through your ex.
Is Limited Contact ineffective? Yes, it has its limitations. No Contact is better way off than Limited Contact. The Limited Contact is known by other names – Minimal Contact and Low Contact. The limitations of this rule are:
- It will not afford you time to heal. You are hurting. The pain is immeasurable. If you have to heal you have to stop thinking about your ex. You will need to stop entertaining thoughts of him or creating mental pictures of him. As long as you think about your ex you’re not going to experience the healing process. This means you’ll still feel the pain that resulted from the breakup. As long as you feel the pain you will never heal nor recover from the breakup.
- Negative emotions will still continue to torture your mind. As long as your mind is tortured is as long as your heart is going to feel the pain resulting from the breakup. Negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, and hatred will take control of your mind and dictate your life. Your life will be full of misery which might lead you to developing low self-esteem and depression and of course, stress. As long as you are in contact is as long the negative emotions will remain your companion.
- You will not be in a position to clearly reflect about the failed relationship. Even if you have a child with your ex, you will not know whether it is alright to get back to your ex or not. As long as you are hurting thinking clearly will be difficult. You will not be in a good stand to analyze and evaluate the failed relationship including your ex.
- You will create an image in your ex’s mind as a beggar. It shows you are needy. From your neediness, your ex will form one of the following two opinions (or maybe both). He might see you are bothersome. Whenever you call or text he will not answer the call nor reply to the text. He will ignore you. Secondly, he might take advantage of your neediness to manipulate you, and finally make you wish you were never born.
- You have not allowed your ex time and space to rest as a result of the breakup. You are increasing the pain in his heart and the possibility of making him confused. At the same time you are making him angry by your calling and texting. Who knows, you are rubbing on the wrong side. You need to consider your ex. This is why getting back together with your ex after breakup is hard. You never know what your ex is thinking or what he has decided concerning you and the failed relationship or even if you get back, if the reunion will last. Relationships are complicated. It’s not as easy as novels, movies and soap operas make you to believe.
Why do people use Limited Contact? People use Limited Contact to assess on a short-term range if their ex is missing them, to cause their ex to miss them, to cause their ex to get in touch with them without them contacting their ex, to settle their mind (of which we have seen is not possible), to ponder about the failed relationship and their ex (of which we have also seen is not possible to think clearly) and lastly as a way of keeping in touch with their children (of which it is understandable).
Even if it is the case, out of the relationship you had a child; you can decide not to contact your ex in order to apply the No Contact rule. Once you have contacted your ex you can tell him you are not going to contact him for a month in order to get access to your child. It will hurt because you won’t be able to talk your child even if not seeing him/her for that period of time. You can tell your ex it will hurt not to talk with your child for the preferable time, one month, but you will persevere for that period for some specific reasons.
Is Limited Contact effective in getting your ex back? Not really! Especially if you consider your ex hasn’t really missed you because the days you have offered him to miss you is too short. Then, again, it cannot help you to get your ex back. Even if you want to use No Contact to get your ex back, it will not help. There are factors combined with using No Contact that can help you get your ex back. In its entirety whether you want to use LC or NC will not aid you in getting your ex back.
There is no denying there are people who have used any of these contacts, LC and NC, and have been lucky to get their ex back. Some have benefited while for others it hit a hard rock. Some failed relationships can be mended; others are beyond repair while others some circumstances cannot allow them to get back together. It is not as easy as you might think when you read the guides on how to use NC or LC to get your ex back. Remember, there are factors you need to consider if you want to get your ex back. Such factors include but not limited: the manner your broke, the reason for breaking up, what is your ex thinking about the failed relationship and you as his/her ex, was the relationship faced with frequent problems that seemed to disappear and reappear, what are your ex’s friends advising your ex and if you were to get back together will there be another breakup?
Limited Contact Rule: When You Can't Do No Contact
To finish, LC is not a rule you should use for whatever reason and in whatever circumstance you are in. The best rule to use is NC even if you and your ex have a child. The reason is because in a month’s time, which is the average period preferred, you’ll be able to let the healing process to begin, aid in ridding of negative emotions and a chance to think objectively, not clouded by emotions.
Points To Remember
- Limited Contact is used to assess whether your ex is missing you, still loves you, and thinks about you in a short-term period. This is one of the major reasons of applying this rule.
- It is used in circumstances which you cannot avoid. You will have to contact your ex whether you want it or not. For example, you work in the same place, study at the same school or you have a child with your whereby it’s your ex who is the custodian of the child.
- The demerit of using Limited Contact is you will always feel hurt since you’re still in contact with your ex. It is until your ex is out of your mind can you heal. It means you’ll always feel hurt.
- The Limited Contact cannot be used to get your ex back. It doesn’t work unless you consider other factors. In itself it’s not a guarantee.
- Limited Contact is used by people who cannot be able to endure more than two weeks without contacting their ex.
- Even if you work at the same place or go to the same school in the same class, you will have to talk with your ex but ensure nothing about the failed relationship comes up for discussion. Greet each other, discuss about the task assigned by your employer or teacher. Nothing more. This way, you will allow the healing process to begin.
- You can use Limited Contact for assessing after which you can decide whether to use No Contact or any other alternative you have in mind.
- Another demerit of Limited Contact is your ex will feel as if you are bothering him. He may reply or answer your call but you are no longer in his heart. You might end up becoming an irritant to him. It might reach a point you feel you are bothering your ex.