Types of Men NOT to Date
1. The Man-Child
Involves any or all of the following:
- Disrespects his mother (HUGE red flag)
- Cannot do his own laundry/cook/clean - probably because he's always depended on his mother or sisters to do it for him. And no, it's not "cute" that he's clueless. It's pathetic.
- Expects you to mother him - see the above point. It's not your job to wash his underwear, cook for him, or tuck him into bed at night. Just no.
- Has angry outbursts over petty things - wow, he can't process his feelings like an adult! SO sexy, am I right?
- Rude to waitstaff - seriously, anybody who's rude to people in the service industry (salespeople, cashiers, waitresses, bartenders, etc.) is a terrible person. AVOID.
- Makes incessant dick/sex jokes - I get it, a good dick joke is hilarious. But if he's saying "that's what she said" all day every day, that's too much. Neither of you are twelve any more and we all know what sex is.
2. The Fetishist
Typically white men, but sometimes men of colour as well, fetishize women of colour in really disgusting and misogynist ways. So keep your eyes peeled for the first sign of racism. Then run.
- Calls you "exotic" - EWWWW. NO.
- If you're black, asks you if you're "mixed" - if he's only attracted to you because he says you look "mixed," his anti-blackness is showing.
- Is overly sexual. ALL THE TIME. - hmm, I wonder why. Could it be that he only sees you as an "exotic" sex toy?
- Says "you're pretty for a ____" - RUN.
- Uses the term "yellow fever" to describe his sexual preferences - BARF.
- Expects you to behave based on racial stereotypes - i.e. loud and angry if you're black, demure and submissive if you're Asian, fiery and overtly sexual if you're latina, etc. You do NOT need to put up with that.
3. The Misogynist
There is at least a bit of a misogynist in all men (thanks to the sexist society we're all raised in, wooo!!), but at least some are willing to unlearn it and/or are open to being called out on it. Some, however, are die-hard dickweeds.
- Calls his exes "crazy" - guess what? You'll be his latest crazy ex after you two break-up! (This guy defines "crazy" as women who don't let him get away with his bullshit.)
- Tells sexist jokes - the minute you hear him tell a "get in the kitchen joke," call him out on it. If he refuses to acknowledge that he fucked up, get the hell out of there.
- Sexually harasses women - he might tell you about it himself (what?!) or you'll hear him regaling his friends with stories of cat calls gone by. Either way, he's a piece of excrement and you need to flush him down (DOUBLE misogyny points if he sexually harasses women in front of you!).
- Holds you to unrealistic beauty standards - i.e. expecting you to have hairless legs and armpits at all times, perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect body shape. Meanwhile, he probably can't even find his dick in the jungle of his pubic hair and hasn't showered for a solid week.
- Shames women - for their interests, for their clothing, for their weight, for their body hair, for having children, for not having children, for having sex, for not having sex... you get the point. And the point is this: he hates women and we can never do anything right (according to him).
4. The Macho Man
Read: TOXIC MASCULINITY. What does toxic masculinity mean, you say? Well...
- Ashamed to feel anything but anger - sadly, gender stereotypes also harm men, and one example of this is the expectation on men to be tough and unemotional. The only socially-sanctioned display of male emotion is anger, so this is often what men resort to out of desperation and internalized shame. But that is their issue, and you don't need to put up with it.
- Won't cry - some people aren't particularly emotional; that's fine. I'm not suggesting there's a crying quota he has to meet, but if he is actively afraid of and avoids crying, even in serious situations (i.e. the death of a loved one), he has issues.
- Femmephobic - the other great threat to toxic masculinity? Femininity. These dudes are so paranoid about being macho that they will refuse to do anything remotely feminine - cook, bake, clean, watch sappy movies, wear anything pink or purple, etc. Femininity is badass! Dump him.
- Homophobic - this follows femmephobia. Gay men are assumed to be effeminate, so what's the worst thing to a macho guy other than being called a woman? Being called gay (God forbid!!)! If you hear him say "no homo," or worse, use the word "f*g," etc., he's a homophobic creep.
5. The "Gentleman"
- Expects adherence to gender roles - i.e. you talk about getting married and he assumes that means he's going to work and you're going to stay at home and watch the kids (which is fine if that's what you want to do, so long as it's your decision).
- Thinks women are magically inhuman, like nymphs or something. NEWS FLASH: women are not otherworldly creatures. We’re just people.
- Horrified by women's bodies - usually out of the expectation that we're not fully human in the ways that men are. Yes, we poop. No, it doesn't smell like roses. And yes, some of us bleed once a month. GET. OVER. IT.