The Modern Man's Guide, How to Maintain a Happy Marriage

This hub is dedicated to the loving husbands of working women. These men are real men who will support their wives. They will tough out the hardships and not give up on their marriages. Once the honeymoon is over (five or six years if you're lucky) you'll need to maintain the fire that you once had at the beginning of your relationship... however chocolates and flowers don't have the same allure as before... read on for a list of more realistic ways to keep your wife (and your marriage) happy...

Hey guys, Think of this as "preventive maintenance" for your marriage. If it's not broken now chances are that something will give out sooner or later, and the lady will have good reason to be upset. I don't really know what that "good reason to be upset" is... but I'm learning to do certain things on a regular basis that will compensate for whatever it is I have done so horribly wrong.

First things first: I love my wife.

Being married is a wonderful thing. I have learned to respect my wife so much in my short marriage. My wife has shown me that a Woman(with a capital "W") is beautiful, strong, sensitive and glorious creature that can drive us absolutely crazy in more ways that can be mentioned in this "G" rated setting. They are powerful in their way when it comes to voicing their opinions, and downright fierce when it comes to protecting their young. Respect is demanded, and if not fulfilled there will be consequences. This is serious stuff guys. Know that when married you are in the presence of a powerful being capable of more than they think. Don't mess with that kind of power or it will flatten you.

So that being said, how do you diffuse the potential bomb that is a scorned Woman?

Sadly, I really don't know. You probably can't. Once that fuse is lit there's no stopping the inevitable. Run for cover.

You can however prevent all that carnage. I will share with you the things I do, or will definitely start doing, to prevent the rage and furious vengeance that dwells inside of every Woman from being unleashed.

First off, Women don't like doing to many dirty or gross things. Don't get me wrong, they do a lot around the house. I mean a lot! Cleaning, laundry, cooking, decorating, all while smelling pretty and looking hot!

I have compiled a list of things that you, Mr. Husband, can do that will help your woman to not feel taken advantage of.

1. Clean the bathroom(s). This is huge brownie points guys. HUGE. This one act can go a long way in maintaining a feeling of balance of chores in the house. It's not even that difficult if done on a regular basis.

2. Keep cat litter clean. It's gross. Cats are gross. They smell. Women love them, therefore we keep them. They don't like cleaning their litter thou... hmm, clean it for them. Also huge brownie points. Your house will not stink of cat, your wife will be happy. The cat will also like you too, it'll purr and purr while giving your Woman a look as if to say, "Yeah, he's a good man, he's a keeper... purrr..."

3. Clean up after yourself, you slob. She's not your mother, and if she's a woman worth keeping, she'll let you know it! You dirtied a plate? wash it! Put your dirty socks in the laundry basket, not on the floor, oh, they really hate that! Flush the toilet. Keep the lid of the toilet seat up, and the seat down... very important. In return she will replace the toilet paper roll when finished, unless you beat her to it! (also good brownie points)

4. Take out the trash. Brownie points, smelly garbage, take care of it guys.

5. Cut the grass. Don't let her cut the grass(unless she really wants to of course). Showing pride in your property is a definite good trait that women appreciate in a man. It also gets you away from her for about an hour, thus the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

6. Take care of car maintenance, especially her car. You want her to be safe and reduce the chance that she'll be stranded on the side of the road, no? Keep track of oil changes, make sure her brakes are in check, she really doesn't want to bother with that.

7. Kill bugs. Here's your chance to be the hero and save your damsel from the evil giant miniature spider that she is so terrified of! Easy way to prove that you are the strong protector that she wanted to have when she married you. So go ahead and get rid of that creature that is thousands of times smaller than you... she'll love you for it!

Caution: Know your woman... If you have a touchy-feely woman you might want to re-locate the offending insect in question outside. This will show that you are a tough yet sensitive guy who cares about life... yada, yada, yada, bla bla bla. Some other women might just prefer a man who will ruthlessly smash the guts out of the little buggers' exoskeleton. Do it with your bare hands and leave a smear mark to look like a real tough guy (as long as you clean up the smear mark afterwards).

8. Clean up the children's vomity and poopy accidents. If you'll recall in point 2, women hate cleaning up gross things. Man up and grab some paper towels, get rid of the mess! It's your kid to y'know. She carried that thing inside of her for nine months and became so bloated that towards the end of her pregnancy she looked like Shrek's Fiona (go ahead, look at some old photos, you'll see what I mean).

9. Painting the house. Mamma bird wants to decorate her nest? In reality, this is something you can do together... the key here is showing a genuine interest in the creatively named colors that all look alike. Show enthusiasm when she's found the perfect color for the living room. Give her serious feedback when she shows you two identical paint chips. Just pick the one you think that she thinks she wants, see you're just there to confirm the decision she has already made. So roll on that 'toasted cashew', and get used to that 'tutti-frutti' color, because really they're not that bad, they just have silly names.

10. Last but certainly not least: Keep your ding-a-ling clean. You've impressed your wife with your home keeping skills and proven that you are a good father and provider. She understands that you are her partner in life and stand by her with every challenge. She feels confident that you are the man for her. It is now time to take your prize and face the final test. You don't want to come all this way and present her with a dirty ding-a-ling, do you? So keep your ding-a-ling clean.

Ok, so right now you're probably saying that this guy is completely whipped. Not true.

Unless you're living in the 1950s your wife probably works. Not only are the chances good that she works, but she probably makes more money than you. The old fashioned idea that housework, i.e: cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc... was just for women is now dead. Now that wifey is on the workforce alongside you means that all the domestic duties should be split up evenly amongst you. So pick up a broom, and learn how to use that washing machine thing in the basement. Anything short of breastfeeding can be a potential contribution by "the man of the house". The time of the modern man has arrived. Gone are the days when women would put up with being taken advantage of and still 'obey' their husbands. Today's man is being faced with new challenges that no generation of men prior has faced at such a high level: the strong, career oriented woman. These women will ruthlessly protect their pride, they will not put up with any nonsense, they've been duped in the past and will not be fooled again.

Men, you've been warned.