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Long Distance Love is it Real?

Updated on March 18, 2012

How you connect

So with a lot of different ads for online dating, even applications on your phone for social chats, the question is can your long distance relationship be real love? YES. It can but you have to know how to connect. Okay first let me just say you MUST use extreme caution when dating online. You never give out personal information to quickly or meet with a total stranger. So how can you connect and find love? Well just keep in mind to find love means you have to be willing to work for it, meaning putting in the time in steps, its even more difficult when your far away from each other. So the first level to connect on is an attraction. Look for qualities about that person that makes you desire them. NOT JUST LOOKS. If you don't look at the qualities this person has that is attractive to you it is going to derail very quickly. You will become bored after awhile and seek another just as good looking or better. Next once you know what attracts you to them, you have to connect emotionally. Look for a friendship in them, communicate about who you are in slow steps. You don't want to just throw yourself out their. Let the other person tell you about their life too. Build trust. Understanding. OPEN YOUR MIND to them. Yes, i said mind not heart yet. If you feel like things are going to fast and your falling in love STEP BACK! It is not time for that yet. Emotional level is really becoming a part of each others life in a friendly way. You want someone who is looking for as much or close to what you are, the only you can find that out is being friends. Then this is the exciting part, connecting romantically. Turn up the heat slowly. You don't want to get super aggressive out of nowhere. You want to spread it on smoothly and with care. Flirt a bit, see how they respond, talk about what makes you hot. Speak about what you like to wear to bed. Next connect physically. Yes by now you should be somewhat sure about them. These steps takes months so don't jump to physical. Lets now say you have made it to this level. You plan to see him/her or they plan to see you. Well seriously only enter from flirting to physical if you are ready. You don't have to put out the first time. Only if you know you are at the stage. Warning if you don't feel the sparks then don't try to explore and see if they show up after. BIG MISTAKE. If you are only comfy being a friend not a lover because of reasons then stay there. If you don't then you will confuse yourself and them. You won't be able to backtrack.

LOVE OR NOT?

So at this point you have done lets say all of the above and now things have fallen into the stage of more distance. So now the person has pushed you back emotionally from them. NOW WHAT? DO THEY LOVE YOU? Okay don't panic. Here is the deal if they love you they will make the effort again to reconnect with you. They will have noticed the space, they may have created it because they was freaking out and had to decide if they see this going anywhere. Obviously, you would have been crushed if they had point blank said that to you so just respect that they cared enough to seem like the ass to spare your feelings while they got it together. So once you reconnect ask them where do we go from here? At this stage don't get ideas in your head like packing up and moving in together. WHY? Simply because if you do then you will feel trapped or isolated in a far away place with no one but them. You will grow to resent seeing every part of them to quick. Here is the plan explain your feelings, be it love, or close to it. Then have them explain theirs. If it is close or equal in comparison then plan more get together's. Plan not every single get together having sex. WHY? You will give an unrealistic expectation of yourself. If you do move in together down the road and every time you had sex on the dates, it is going to hurt the relationship when sex starts to slow down. The other person will be like what the hell? So, lets take a sort of negative turn here. Lets say that your now seeing or feeling that the person isn't very serious. They blow off wanting a deeper connection. You ask them directly how they felt and they gave half answers. Is it love or not? Well i'm going to say this, if their mind isn't in love then they are not in love. THE REST IS LUST. Yes if they only wanting to explode with passion (politely speaking) then it is not love. They may listen or care for you but if there mind isn't in love it is nothing.

MIND, BODY, SPIRIT

So how do you know if someone's mind is in love with you? Simple, for females it is when she wants to be apart of your life so desperately that she almost forces conversation. She dreams of you a lot, she waits by her bed for your messages and smiles. Laughs when your around or stupid jokes you say. For guys, its very complicated. One part of there mind can be tuned into you and the other not so much. The not so much is what you want. When he gives you a lot of his time, listens and gives advice about your issues, and silently looks at pictures of you just because it speaks to him (other than just sexually) then yes. When he actually starts to plan you into his future plans. Although, here is the complicated part. Both sides has to be in love. He has to love your body and looks too. If he doesn't, you will be into a friend with benefits possibly stage. He has to be turned on by you. When both sides are engaged you have successfully captured the male heart.

The Roll Coaster

I'm going to state my personal experiences with long distance relationships in my own words. It is a roll coaster of emotions. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. The hardest part is really knowing if you should trust them enough to give the person your heart. For me guys are not as simple minded as the media portrays them to be. They are very complex and deep thinkers. Well the ones i met anyway. Love is complicated, and even with the tools to go forward with no directions it is very hard to determine the outcome. Dating someone from long distance the pros are that you can really get to know them from a clear standpoint. The down part is you don't truly know if your being lied to or not. I'm not against long distance relationships but it is twice as hard then if you just meet someone in your local coffee shop and hit it off. In the end it can pay off and you can live happy ever after. Get married, have kids, and build your life together. Just from my personal experience happy ever after didn't happen. Nor did i go into those relationships with the expectation of them too. It's almost like putting money in the stock market. You know you may profit if you know when to invest and it maybe a wash. My point is that going into these relationships don't go overboard. If it works great, if not well then at least you can look back and see what you could have done better or what went wrong. Then grow from it. Even with these steps above i'm not saying that it will be successful. I'm just saying you would have played it smart. The last part of this i wanted to add is that if you do fall in love with someone who lives away from you or is basically out of your reach, then hold your head up high even if it doesn't work. WHY? Because you took risks, chances, put in time, showed emotion, this is what love is all about. So what they played you? Big deal, the upside is that you don't have to walk outside and think everyone knows or cares. They don't really, things happen. Even if you had a child with that person its okay. Life is a gamble and love is part of it. :)

Conclusion

So YES, you can fall in love from far away. It can be successful. If you know how to take it there. If your willing to put in time. Okay so briefly let me explain when a long distance relationship is over. It's over when you don't connect in anyway anymore. When you go days and days without thinking of them. Or when your searching for someone else. If you want them back, you shouldn't wait forever and a day to tell them! Soon there pain will go away and then its over. They will find a replacement in there life. So put the pride aside, connect to them. You don't have to be overly emotional! You can simply say i miss you. Or i miss your interest in me or support. They will fill in the rest if they haven't moved on. If you don't want to rekindle it then don't backtrack. In my simplest words it can happen but you have to make it work. Period.

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