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Long Distance Relationships- The Consummate Honeymooners-Update!
What's Going On With My LD Relationship?
When I wrote this I was doing research for myself. I had started a long distance relationship with a man in Houston, Texas. Things started out slow with lots of talking and texting, and then we began to fly to see one another. I am in Overland Park KS, which is a suburb of KC, KS.
My long distance love affair started out with him sending me beautiful arrangements of flowers to my work. He was 'courting' me hard, and he really liked my personality. When we got to talking more we found that we had a lot in common, however we didn't really think that a long distance relationship would work for us since we were 800 miles away from one another.
The first time we met was very exciting and nerve racking but it went very well because we just were who we are. There was no guessing as to what we looked like as we shared several pictures and talked several times, and we are of an age where games don't really do anything for us. Don't get me wrong, I was dating some serious game players my age and older than him. There are a lot of men and women who are act like high schoolers in the dating scene, but I guess I was attracted to him because he was very straightforward.
We kept on making plans to fly to see one another and then came the family introductions. The family thing was somewhat difficult because while we were finding our way to trust one another, our families were a little hesitant about the long distance thing too. However, both families agreed that each of us were awesome! (It's true!)
After a year of wearing a path from Houston to KC, we have decided to live together. I am moving to Houston on Labour Day weekend. We wanted to make sure my son finished high school and was comfortable with the move as he goes off to college. I am so excited to be with him! The wait between times to see him is torture but we are making it through with lots of communication. We know it's not going to be all wine and roses, but we have a very solid relationship and we are both very happy!
LD relationships CAN work out. It takes dedication and a lot of communication and honesty, and definitive plans as well as common goals. They can work as well as any other relationship! I am living proof! Come on Labour Day!!
Making The Long Distance Relationship Work
With the explosion of dating websites and the age of information, singles are meeting online and forming relationships at a remarkable rate. In fact, one study conducted by the popular dating website 'eharmony' showed that over 25% of people in relationships met their significant other online. Meeting online comes close to being the most popular way to meet one's significant other or spouse when compared with 'traditional' ways. However, the definition of 'traditional' is becoming more difficult to summarize.
With the onslaught of online dating comes many different dating scenarios. One of the challenges people face is falling for someone who lives far away. Long distance relationships are becoming more common. Sometimes people live thousands of miles away, in different time zones and in different countries. They commit to making the relationship work- and with smartphone technology, 'facetime' and apps like 'What's Ap' people have unlimited access to talking, texting, and sending pictures/videos of themselves.
The long distance relationship seems tedious and silly to many, due to the amount of local single people who saturate most of the 'single markets.' Why put time and effort into a person who you aren't going to see often, if ever? However, some people realize that the notion of finding a person you love within a five mile radius isn't always feasible or practical. The online dating world exposes a person to people they otherwise would never have met, noticed, or even thought about, and sometimes the mental attraction is so strong that it comes first, and the physical attraction is secondary. The feeling of euphoria of the 'new relationship' is always nice, and long distance dating can make the feeling last longer. Of course, there are barriers that get in the way as well. However, you can make a long distance relationship work if you really want it to - just like anything else.
So You're In Love But Miles Away..
If you've fallen in love with someone and they live in another country or another state, province or time zone, then that's great! Being in love is truly the most remarkable feeling. If you're serious about meeting your special someone 'in person,' there are a few things you may consider before committing to a meeting. Of course, it's one's natural tendency to be a bit leery of meeting a person who you've only spoken to on the phone, however if you really want to be with the person 'in real life' there are factors to think about, for your future and for your own safety.
The Meeting Points
What Things Should You Know Before You Meet?
When you first start talking to your long distance love interest, there will likely be a period of discovery just like any other relationship. However, when you start getting into the difficult and meaty conversations, you need to feel comfortable with continuing the relationship. There are some questions you should ask before you consider going further with the person.
- Be sure to verify the name and address of the other person. You can use google maps or whitepages.com or you can even pay for a background check if you want. Google their first and last name and see what comes up
- Friend them on social media like Facebook or Twitter. Be sure they've had an account for at least a year. Look back on some of their posts and think of the conversations you've had about their family and the things they've talked about, and get a feel for whether the person has been honest with you. Looks at their pictures and compare them with the pictures they've shared with you privately
- FaceTime or Skype to make sure they are who you expect them to be when you meet, see their mannerisms, and leave the element of surprise out of your first in-person meeting.
- Make sure that the person you are going to see isn't married or in a relationship. Ask difficult questions. Get a feel for their schedule. Can they only talk at night or are they available any time during the day? Does anything feel odd or strange to you? Do they seem to hide you from their friends, family and co-workers?
- Does the person have a job? Does the person ask you for any money? Does the person seem extra needy or completely dependent on hearing from you? If the person asks you for money or doesn't work, or seems to be completely dependent- then the relationship is probably not going to work. Look for stability in a person, especially if you'll be traveling to see them
- Tell a friend or family member all of you love interest's information in case you visit- just so they are aware of who you're with and when
- Trust your gut instinct. If you feel like the person you are talking to is a good person and a trustworthy person, and you've done your due diligence in ensuring that they are who they say they are, then arrange a meeting and see how it goes! It's possible to find love anywhere
- Don't 'not' meet someone because you are too paranoid or worried. You might be missing out on the best thing that ever happened to you- or a lifetime of happiness. Don't regret something forever because you were too afraid to take a chance. Many people in the world are worth taking a chance on
Magic Moments Can Happen
So You've Met- And You Have To Go Home- What Now?
If you have met and you found one another to be as wonderful in person as you did while separate, chances are you'll want to see one another again. Chances are that you'll miss one another, and the distance will cause some problems. It's natural to be worried about your significant other when you can't get hold of them, and have no easy way to go and check on them. There are a few things to remember when trying to make a long distance relationship work.
- If you are committed to one another, you must be committed to trusting one another. Try not to let your imagination run wild. Remember, your significant other has to sleep, eat, work, take showers, spend time with their kids and friends, among other things
- Set a trip to meet again so you have something to look forward to, it will make the time pass by faster.
- Do what you can afford. The cost of travel may be expensive, so spend quality time together. Don't make extravagant plans when you're together because you might not want to keep them. Just go with the flow.
- Keep talking. Keep telling one another how you feel. Keep doing everything you did when you first met- this is key.
- Be sure when you're texting to keep the other person's feelings in mind, because text doesn't always come across like you want it to
- Don't be afraid of your feelings. If you love one another, don't be afraid to tell each other because of the distance. Not communicating is the worst possible thing you can do- because a lack of communication will make the distance feel worse
- Talk about your future plans. Chances are you are trying to figure a way to be together. Make realistic goals in realistic time frames as to when you can make that happen. Remember that when there is a will, there is definitely a way. Nothing is impossible.
How Sweet It Is..
What About You?
Have you ever met someone online and traveled to meet them in person?
The Secret Is Not Difficult
Just like any other relationship, honesty, communication, affection and letting the other person know how much you mean to them will make or break your relationship. Online dating is kind of cool too because since you focus on quality time, it's very special. It's like a military wife- consummate honeymooners :) Be sure to focus on opening up and letting your natural feelings come out. It can work- you just need to be open to allow for it to happen. Sometimes love has no boundaries..and sometimes love definitely wins..