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Losing Your Soul Mate (Sad Songs)

Updated on November 15, 2011

Sometimes life throws a curveball that is so unexpected that it’s difficult to comprehend. Sometimes you lose relationships in your life that you’re not sure you can go on without. It’s happened to me. Some of you know my story. I lost my wife (best friend) due to some mistakes that I made; the worst and most costly mistakes of my life.

I believe that’s why sad songs were written – to help put perspective to things – to help you grieve – to say what’s in your heart in a way that your mind can’t come up with in your hour of despair.

Sad songs are especially sad if you were introduced to the song at a time in your life when things were good between you and the one you love. You might have just been driving along in the car when the song came on the radio the first time. Maybe you didn’t even notice it at the time, but something about it left a marker in your mind that you can pull up years later.

I don’t remember specifically the first time I heard “Ghost in This House”, but a group named Shenandoah released it in 1992. My daughter was 2, and my son wasn’t born yet. It made an impact on me, even though it’s about being alone, grieving the loss of a significant relationship. I was able to enter into the pain of it, which is easy for me to do, but I couldn’t really relate to it in reality. I had a young family, a strong four-year-old marriage, and a very cute little girl. Loneliness and despair was far from my mind. At that time in my life, I was naïve enough to think that I had passed over all the big hurdles of life and that the rest of it was going to be more or less a cakewalk. How wrong I was.

During my grief of the last several years, I wouldn’t have been able to even listen to this song, much less sing it. The fact that I’m able to do so is a sign that I’m doing much better. Last Saturday night, for the first time, I completely gave over this situation to God. I know He has my best interests at heart and will work it out. I have a bright future. But God will use the pain that I’ve experienced to help other people, so in a sense, I will be living with it. But not in a way that is oppressive like it’s been in the past.

My past is what it is. I can’t change it. It can kill me, or I can choose to get up and dust myself off and move forward. That’s what I’m doing.

This song comes from the heart. It’s pretty sad, but the songwriting is brilliant. It describes pretty well how I’ve felt for the past few years. As a songwriter and writer, I admire the simplicity of the words and the tremendous impact that they have.

Grief is part of life. I’ve used about everything out there to cover it up, but at some point it must be faced. My hat is off to those who look it in the eye and determine that, although it is painful, it’s not deadly. So, while this song is a little tough to listen to, use it to grieve if you need to. Use it to be thankful if you used to be in the place of the song and are there no longer. Use it as a warning, if you’re in a relationship and aren’t nurturing it with every fiber in your body. We take nothing for granted more than we do the people in our lives. When they’re no longer there, it hurts. Pain is a great teacher.

I hope you get something out of this – whatever that may be. If nothing else, I hope it inspires you to tell the people that God has put in your life that you love them.


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    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 

      5 years ago from Australia

      A heart touching write with a beautiful song to highlight the pain of losing such an important relationship , thank you for reminding me to work on what I have

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I was looking for songs online that would help me cope with a 27 yr marriage that is coming to an end. Never in a million years did I think I'd be starting my life over with out my "soul mate". Due to his affair, its coming to an end and I've never cried so hard as if the words were coming out of my soul...thank you for your version of this song, s I don't know the orginal, nor do I want to! You've forever touched me and I hope I can look back years from now and say..I survived and find someone I can love like I loved him, and have the same in return.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image


      6 years ago

      That was an amazing performance and song, loved it. It's good you're expressing your sorrow. It took me over a year and ....well you know. I'd been writing poems about it for long time . :)

    • Stan Fletcher profile imageAUTHOR

      Stan Fletcher 

      6 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Thanks for all of you for the comments. I'm still hurting from this loss. Sometimes it feels as if it will never get better. Because of the way that God made made me, I feel things very deeply, which is a blessing and a curse. I'm doing my best to embrace my life and not live in the past. I appreciate your support and kind words. And as you can probably tell, music is my first love and the thing that has stood by me through thick and thin. I love sharing it with other people, and hope that you find some healing in it, as I do.

    • rls8994 profile image


      6 years ago from Mississippi

      Stan, this article has really touched me. I'm newly divorced as of novemeber. Although this is what I wanted I have to say when I pulled out the christmas stockings this year and seen the stocking with the letters "daddy", the impact of everything I had been going through hit me all at once. I know my life is going to get better now but it's very sad to think back on the memories of my life with him, thinking I would be with him forever.

      Thank you so much for sharing this and by the way you have a great voice! :)

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 

      6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Thank you Stan for sharing this side of you. It is awesome. We all have lessons to learn in this life. When we share our lessons with others, it helps us move on to bigger and better things. I've watched more than just this video of your music. You are very talented. Your music calms me :) Thanks,


    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      Oh Stan what a heartfelt and honest hub.This certainly came from your heart!

      I have always believed that something good comes from all thnigs bad,I am using my story and the loss of my daughter Erin and my sister Val in my writings in the hope that they will help others along their way.

      I wish you all that you would like to accomplish,takecare Stan.


    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      7 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hey Stan...have you considered trying out for The Voice or America's Got Talent? No age requirement, not that I'm calling you old! I'm just saying I'd vote for you! I bet Blake Shelton would turn his chair around when he hears your voice! Beautiful video:)

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Stan - love the video - you have a great voice! I mean that in more ways than just one.

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Stan, seeing you sing this song conveys the depth of your feelings far better than any written words. I got to know "funny, clever" Stan from your previous hubs and though your last article was personally revealing, this is the one that says more to me than a million written words. I could "feel" your pain and regret. You made it very gut-wrenchingly real. You made powerful, arresting use of your talent that may well inspire taking stock of what's real and what's not. Thank you Stan, for passing on your life's lesson, in your own personally dynamic, meaningful way.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      7 years ago from TEXAS

      I'm awed. The song is beautifully sung, so poignant and says so much about your personal odyssey.

      And then with these words and the realization they contain, you save yourself:

      "My hat is off to those who look it in the eye and determine that, although it is painful, it’s not deadly."

      You GET it.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Thank you for your honesty, Stan. Yes, God has a great plan for your life. I'm thankful He doesn't waste a thing, especially not is a hard teacher. God bless you!

    • stclairjack profile image


      7 years ago from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks

      i remember the song when it was released,.... back in the day when all you had was the radio to hear it on,.. it would stop me in my tracks even then,... i emediately had to learn to play it, and to this day i can alsmost do it from memmory.

      when my 14 year maridge came crashing apart, i was left with a half built house to finish.

      i've worked my way through a second poorly thought out second maridge,.. and resulting divorce,... and i finished the house.

      i very VERY much connect with this song,... and being fascinated it with it years ago, seems like bad karma in a way,.... but it does hit home,.... i'm very much a ghost in my own home. it is the home i had meant to build for my husband and our son,... we were suposed to be happy here,... we were suposed to grow old here,...

      i am mostly alone here,... "i just rattle around"

      well done bit of writing stan,... you seem to be on the opposit side of betrayal,... my love left me for a co-worker,... and 5 years later he is still alone too,... she wont leave her husband for him, like he left me,..

      and i feel more sorry for him than i do myself,... i am stronger now, i am more my own person than ever before, and i like it,... but,...

      the loss of "us" will always be my greatest regret,... and i will mourn it, like a loved one buried without a headstone.

      look up waylon jennings "dreamin' my dreams",... (jammie johnsons version is better i think)it stopped me in my tracks recently,...kinda sums it all up for me these days.

      good luck and god bless stan,... it gets better.

    • profile image

      Karen (Cowell) Starkey 

      7 years ago

      Hi Stan,

      The hub couldn't have more timely. I went through a divorce earlier this year. Even though I see now it was for the best-the pain is horrible. I am working where we both worked. Out of convenience, I am staying in the same apartment. I literally face ghosts in multiple places every day. Thanks for posting this. It reminds me that I am not the first to experience this ( and sadly, I certainly won't be the last).

    • Ardie profile image


      7 years ago from Neverland

      Beautifully put and sad. As for the song - its amazing how much can be said with such simple words. I have experienced loss before - but not loss that has left me reeling for years...I know it will come

    • mljdgulley354 profile image


      7 years ago

      Very moving story and song. It brought back memories of when my mom passed away.


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