To successfully find love, you must be assured that both people will meet each other's needs. What are those needs? Extensive clinical studies show that the key need for a woman is feeling that she is truly prized, loved, and cherished. The key need for men is sexual expression, initially, and later unconditional friendship. Women also need conversation, honesty, openness, financial stability, and commitment to family. Men also need recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration.
A plethora of books on the subject of psychological compatibility fills the shelves of bookstores. Many are thorough, detailed, and often focused on understanding the specific issues of a failed marriage. Here I am simply going to give you some general information regarding topics of concern before you select your mate and characteristics that may influence your selection process. Becoming aware of these psychological variables, and how they mix with you, can be a great step toward a smooth and healthy relationship.
TEMPERAMENT is an innate style that has a powerful effect on the way you interact with the world. Parents often play a large role in establishing a child's temperament. In your search for a mate, temperament plays a vital part. For example, we have all met and perhaps admired people who seem to have an easy, lively style. These people are often attractive because they can consistently maintain an interesting, exciting conversation. Another person, on the other hand, may exhibit a slower or even awkward, laid-back temperament. Since these mannerisms remain fairly stable throughout life, you need to select the most compatible personality to your own.
VALUES AND MORALITY refer to any standard we hold and our behavior regarding that standard. Ethical behavior refers to the way in which we apply the moral principles of our behavior toward others. When we behave ethically, we are applying our moral values toward another in a manner consistent with our principles. You need to get a sense that checking out the moral structure within a potential partner is of vital importance when seeking lasting love.
SELF-CONCEPT is another important part of oneself that is brought into a relationship. The ideal self is how you wish to be. The self-concept is how you see yourself. The hope is, that there is never too great a discrepancy between the two.
Singles frequently fall into a rut, packed with obstacles, that preclude them from escaping the single life. There may need to be an experience of deprivation—a void of sorts—felt deeply enough for you to become inspired to change and decide to seek a life partner. Some obstacles to achieving that goal may surprise you: Computer escape; Making "friends" with dates not attracted to; Going out with married friends; Pets that fulfill requisite exchanges of affection; Hanging out with the same friends all the time; Hobbies shared with an established set of friends; Going to the movies alone; Using vacation time ineffectively; Watching rented movies alone; Going anywhere without being appropriately attired and ready to meet your perfect mate.
Watch out for first date red flags. Examples include: He asks her to split the bill for dinner; She dresses seductively; He dresses inappropriately; He or she mistreats the waitperson or doth protest too much; Exhibiting a lack of table manners. (A gentleman should stand, for example, whenever a lady returns to the table.) Never talk about former partners on a first date. And no dating losers or damsels in distress.
LOOKING FOR LOVE
Ask yourself if the characteristics of this person are those you desire for the parent of your children—or a partner for yourself. Does he or she have lifelong friends? Addictive habits? Rapid fluctuations of emotions? Poor parental relationships? Suffer from an unhealthy childhood?
Many women want a man with a wide portfolio. It's not necessarily a man's lack of funds that counts as much as the reason why he is in a poor financial situation. It may signal a lack of motivation, low intelligence, habitually poor decision-making, sloth, or even unstable mental health.
Half of all marriages end in divorce, and the vast majority of relationships end without marriage. We can and must learn from these experiences. You can rid yourself of negative feelings, sadness or anger. You can gain growth and hope instead. You can confront your fears and flaws, and motivate yourself to move forward toward fulfillment of your goals and dreams. Develop realistic hopes about succeeding with future relationships, and turn past failures into future victories. A successful marriage will require loyalty, compromise, and devotion.