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Love Compatibility

Updated on July 2, 2009


To successfully find love, you must be assured that both people will meet each other's needs. What are those needs? Extensive clinical studies show that the key need for a woman is feeling that she is truly prized, loved, and cherished. The key need for men is sexual expression, initially, and later unconditional friendship. Women also need conversation, honesty, openness, financial stability, and commitment to family. Men also need recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration.



A plethora of books on the subject of psychological compatibility fills the shelves of bookstores. Many are thorough, detailed, and often focused on understanding the specific issues of a failed marriage. Here I am simply going to give you some general information regarding topics of concern before you select your mate and characteristics that may influence your selection process. Becoming aware of these psychological variables, and how they mix with you, can be a great step toward a smooth and healthy relationship.

TEMPERAMENT is an innate style that has a powerful effect on the way you interact with the world. Parents often play a large role in establishing a child's temperament. In your search for a mate, temperament plays a vital part. For example, we have all met and perhaps admired people who seem to have an easy, lively style. These people are often attractive because they can consistently maintain an interesting, exciting conversation. Another person, on the other hand, may exhibit a slower or even awkward, laid-back temperament. Since these mannerisms remain fairly stable throughout life, you need to select the most compatible personality to your own.

VALUES AND MORALITY refer to any standard we hold and our behavior regarding that standard. Ethical behavior refers to the way in which we apply the moral principles of our behavior toward others. When we behave ethically, we are applying our moral values toward another in a manner consistent with our principles. You need to get a sense that checking out the moral structure within a potential partner is of vital importance when seeking lasting love.

SELF-CONCEPT is another important part of oneself that is brought into a relationship. The ideal self is how you wish to be. The self-concept is how you see yourself. The hope is, that there is never too great a discrepancy between the two.



Singles frequently fall into a rut, packed with obstacles, that preclude them from escaping the single life.  There may need to be an experience of deprivation—a void of sorts—felt deeply enough for you to become inspired to change and decide to seek a life partner.  Some obstacles to achieving that goal may surprise you:  Computer escape;  Making "friends" with dates not attracted to;  Going out with married friends;  Pets that fulfill requisite exchanges of affection;  Hanging out with the same friends all the time;  Hobbies shared with an established set of friends;  Going to the movies alone;  Using vacation time ineffectively;  Watching rented movies alone;  Going anywhere without being appropriately attired and ready to meet your perfect mate.



Watch out for first date red flags.  Examples include: He asks her to split the bill for dinner;  She dresses seductively;  He dresses inappropriately;  He or she mistreats the waitperson or doth protest too much;  Exhibiting a lack of table manners.  (A gentleman should stand, for example, whenever a lady returns to the table.)   Never talk about former partners on a first date.  And no dating losers or damsels in distress.



Ask yourself if the characteristics of this person are those you desire for the parent of your children—or a partner for yourself. Does he or she have lifelong friends?  Addictive habits?  Rapid fluctuations of emotions?  Poor parental relationships?  Suffer from an unhealthy childhood?



Many women want a man with a wide portfolio.  It's not necessarily a man's lack of funds that counts as much as the reason why he is in a poor financial situation.  It may signal a lack of motivation, low intelligence, habitually poor decision-making, sloth, or even unstable mental health. 



Half of all marriages end in divorce, and the vast majority of relationships end without marriage. We can and must learn from these experiences. You can rid yourself of negative feelings, sadness or anger. You can gain growth and hope instead. You can confront your fears and flaws, and motivate yourself to move forward toward fulfillment of your goals and dreams. Develop realistic hopes about succeeding with future relationships, and turn past failures into future victories. A successful marriage will require loyalty, compromise, and devotion.


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    • David T Coleman profile image

      David T Coleman 

      8 years ago from Orlando, Florida

      I have found your Hubs and have become a follower!

    • magnoliazz profile image


      10 years ago from Wisconsin

      Manners! They are so important. Even a diamond in the rough will have some manners.

      Can you tell me why so many women fall for the bad boys over and over? Example Pamela Anderson. I watched how she interacted with some of the male dancers on DWTS, and she acted just like a high school girl with a crush! I felt embarrassed for her. I think she is very insecure.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL


      It is my privilege to express them. You are most welcome. I wish for you the very best! Thanks for leaving your kind remarks.

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      I feel priviledged to read your thoughts, Thank you for sharing them. I am glad to read your responses to comments also! In doing this you have the qualities of commitment and loyalty you wrote about for marriage. We get good at what we practice. Have a fun day today!!!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL


      Thank you for your kindly words.


    • Benjimester profile image

      Benji Mester 

      11 years ago from San Diego, California

      I like what you said about women needing to feel prized and cherished. I'm so amazingly happy that women are that way, because the one thing that I often lack in life is conviction and resolve -- having something worth fighting for, something I prize and cherish. It seems like a perfect system to me. Too bad we often trade it all away just for simple pleasure. I like the way you write :) You have a good mix of rationality and romanticism.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL


      Hey dear!

      Happy you're diggin' my chicks and scanning my words. I hope you used the links in my Hub to check out my web site. 


    • shamelabboush profile image


      11 years ago

      Your hubs are always zesty dear and have lots of useful information and if I only know where to find thsoe pretty single women you were referring to ;)

      Thanks dear.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL


      You are welcome. Thank you for being my first reader and leaving your affirming comment.

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      Thankyou Dr. Kenyon. Your thoughts are most illuminating and recruit a need for self examination.


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