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Love Does Not Create Verbal Abuse

Updated on February 8, 2011

Once upon a time,
in fact, 30 years ago
you were the one that I loved;
Now behind me lies a long road
of hurt and broken dreams.

You always denied everything
and showed no remorse.
I know I am a good person
and did not deserve this curse.
You buried our love in a grave
with your hateful and inflicting words,
crushing the spirit deep inside me.

I tried not to show you
how I was broken and alone;
There were no one to understand
or believe what I was going thru.
It was pulling me down,
making me feel small and useless
with no hope to survive!

I was so afraid for the sake of our unborn child
what he might have to go through.
Then when he was born,
I really thought that things would change
but you had no time to love him or adore.
With your loud voice you would shout
in the early hours of the night,
Why is he not in bed and out of sight?

You would not come home after work
but stayed out until all hours,
Leaving me at home,
taking care of our baby all alone.

Did I do anything wrong
Or is it maybe that we married to young?
But still that was no excuse
to treat me the way you did.
Why did I not have the courage
to leave you then?

How many tears did I have to cry
before you would see how hard I try
not to make you angry.
I became depressed,
My physical appearance deteriorated
and I no longer feel wanted.

You forced yourself on me
but not with love.
I was pregnant again
and all I could feel was pain.
I did not want this to be
From you, I will never be free.

You said more hateful things
like "the child you are bearing,
that could not be mine".
I allowed you to control me
and make me weak.
You said all this
only to hide your unfaithfulness

You broke my heart into pieces
that could never be put together.
Some pieces completely missing
and lost forever.

I could stay no longer in this marriage,
Not even for the sake of the children.
I was at the point of exhaustion
Who was I fooling?

I realised you never have loved me
the way that I used to love you.
You kept me barefoot and pregnant,
As your cook, maid, and your slave.
You tried to intimidate me,
reduce me to a level that were beneath you.

You abused your privilege as
a husband and head of the house.
You thought you were lord over me
and never respected me as your wife.
I could no longer trust in your hands,
my children and my life

I left you but you followed me with your threats.
I got warned that you would kill me
and the unborn child,
while still pronounce it was not yours.

You made sure that I would know
of the gun in your car
all wrapped up under the seat below.
You knew you would scare me,
I was so afraid and even tried to flee.

But thank God you lacked the self-control
to keep from following through on those threats.
At last I divorced you and the years went by,
I have no fear of you anymore.

I have found someone that loves me as much as I love him.
Then I saw you again the other day and spoke to you.
I do forgive you for what you did to me
but the ugly memories will always be there.

One thing I know for sure…..
I have been saved from you,
I can now lift my face and say
I am superior to you!

The matter of equality and mutual respect have long been a concern and of considerable importance to civilized people. We all understand it is immoral and detestable to use physical abuse under any circumstances. Verbal abuse, however, is somewhat neglected or it does not raise enough attention.

But why? Verbal abuse can be divided into two categories—conscious (deliberate) and unconscious. Deliberate abuse: The authoritative side always want to exercise and reinforce their higher positions. By verbal abuse, they prompt and repeat the hidden message behind this abuse, i.e. they are superior and you inferior. You are no longer in a position to challenge or fight back their decisions. Day after day, you are getting used to the abuse and accept the fact that you are not equal and free. The whole process is rather like enslaving. The only difference is that they don’t confine your body but imprison your mind so that you no longer voice your thoughts.  Unconscious abuse are when people speak their mind which is already filled with prejudice and prior concepts which they are unaware of. As a result, their words make you feel insulted and demoralized even though it is not their original intention.

Human beings will always have differences but it is not an excuse for discrimination, prejudice or any other mistreatment, verbally or physically. It is understandable to lose our temper sometimes. However, you must apologise for your mistake.


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    • leabeth profile image

      leabeth 7 years ago

      Theresa - For the sake of this site being English I will translate your Afrikaans Comment:-

      "Sorry that you had to go through all of this. No person deserve it. Cannot even think how you felt. Glad that you found true love and happiness. I pray for you. Lots of love. Theresa"

      Thank you Theresa for your love and compassion. I really do appreciate it a lot.

    • leabeth profile image

      leabeth 7 years ago

      Lindy - it sure did help me a lot and softened the edges of my rememberance.

    • profile image

      Theresa 7 years ago

      Jammer Tannie moes deur al daai slegte dinge gaan.Geen maar geen mens verdien dit nie.Kan myself nie eens indink hoe Tannie moes gevoel het nie.

      Eks bly Tannie het ware liefde en geluk gevind.Bid vir Tannie.

      Baie Liefde



    • profile image

      Lindy Holland 7 years ago

      So beautifully written Lea. Well done. I'm sure that penning these words has helped to let go.

    • leabeth profile image

      leabeth 7 years ago

      Martie - thanks for your comments, I always value them. Glad you found that picture hilarious but that was how I experienced my ex when he had his outbursts. All I would pray during those moments was for him to please stop.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Leabeth, I’m so sorry you were once upon a time in that hell so many women know too well. It is indeed true - parts of your heart will always be frail and even scattered.... mutilated. But I know you’ve survived and you are today a strong and formidable woman.

      The majority of men develop the idea that they are superior to women... but in their hearts they know they are merely the other half of women – man and woman is a complete unit. The conflict in men – their idea/wish to be superior versus the imbedded knowledge/gut feeling that they are not – change them into bullies. You will be surprise on what high levels dignified men become bullies when they feel they should be the superior but according to their own gut feeling the are not.

      Women, however, are just as able to cow men... and for the same reason.

      I despise bullies and even myself when I act like a bully. Thanks for sharing – may this be a warning to many young women.

      PS: The picture of that screaming man is hilarious. Hahaha!

    • profile image

      tinamarie9884 7 years ago

      I was always told to get out, my family was always there for me but I stayed because at that time he said he was going to kill me, ( which he tried but when he pulled the trigger the gun never went off while it was pointed at my face ) at that time I knew when I was getting ready to leave, that GOD and my angels were on my side. ( a miracle is simply a miracle )

    • leabeth profile image

      leabeth 7 years ago

      Tinamarie - Yes it does make you a stronger person. It is just so sad that the victimized party does not always get out of such a relationship sooner.

    • leabeth profile image

      leabeth 7 years ago

      JY3502- I agree with you that a woman is also capable of being abusive to their husbands. My hubby that I am happily married to now was married before to such a woman and it did not stop at verbal abuse. He still have a mark on his scull where he was hit with an ashtray.

    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      I'm a man, but women are just as capable of decimating a man in many of the same ways. I was married 21 years and lived with the micro managing and hurtful words before I finally had enough and left.

    • profile image

      tinamarie9884 7 years ago

      Truly an emotional hub, made me think of my past when I was young, so of course it left me no choice but to cry, but never the less it is the truth, no one deserves to be in that type of relationship. I let my mother know it simple made me a stronger person and that is one of the reasons I am so close to GOD. Blessings to you!!


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