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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Love Does Not Create Verbal Abuse
Once upon a time,
in fact, 30 years ago
you were the one that I loved;
Now behind me lies a long road
of hurt and broken dreams.
You always denied everything
and showed no remorse.
I know I am a good person
and did not deserve this curse.
You buried our love in a grave
with your hateful and inflicting words,
crushing the spirit deep inside me.
I tried not to show you
how I was broken and alone;
There were no one to understand
or believe what I was going thru.
It was pulling me down,
making me feel small and useless
with no hope to survive!
I was so afraid for the sake of our unborn child
what he might have to go through.
Then when he was born,
I really thought that things would change
but you had no time to love him or adore.
With your loud voice you would shout
in the early hours of the night,
Why is he not in bed and out of sight?
You would not come home after work
but stayed out until all hours,
Leaving me at home,
taking care of our baby all alone.
Did I do anything wrong
Or is it maybe that we married to young?
But still that was no excuse
to treat me the way you did.
Why did I not have the courage
to leave you then?
How many tears did I have to cry
before you would see how hard I try
not to make you angry.
I became depressed,
My physical appearance deteriorated
and I no longer feel wanted.
You forced yourself on me
but not with love.
I was pregnant again
and all I could feel was pain.
I did not want this to be
From you, I will never be free.
You said more hateful things
like "the child you are bearing,
that could not be mine".
I allowed you to control me
and make me weak.
You said all this
only to hide your unfaithfulness
You broke my heart into pieces
that could never be put together.
Some pieces completely missing
and lost forever.
I could stay no longer in this marriage,
Not even for the sake of the children.
I was at the point of exhaustion
Who was I fooling?
I realised you never have loved me
the way that I used to love you.
You kept me barefoot and pregnant,
As your cook, maid, and your slave.
You tried to intimidate me,
reduce me to a level that were beneath you.
You abused your privilege as
a husband and head of the house.
You thought you were lord over me
and never respected me as your wife.
I could no longer trust in your hands,
my children and my life
I left you but you followed me with your threats.
I got warned that you would kill me
and the unborn child,
while still pronounce it was not yours.
You made sure that I would know
of the gun in your car
all wrapped up under the seat below.
You knew you would scare me,
I was so afraid and even tried to flee.
But thank God you lacked the self-control
to keep from following through on those threats.
At last I divorced you and the years went by,
I have no fear of you anymore.
I have found someone that loves me as much as I love him.
Then I saw you again the other day and spoke to you.
I do forgive you for what you did to me
but the ugly memories will always be there.
One thing I know for sure…..
I have been saved from you,
I can now lift my face and say
I am superior to you!
The matter of equality and mutual respect have long been a concern and of considerable importance to civilized people. We all understand it is immoral and detestable to use physical abuse under any circumstances. Verbal abuse, however, is somewhat neglected or it does not raise enough attention.
But why? Verbal abuse can be divided into two categories—conscious (deliberate) and unconscious. Deliberate abuse: The authoritative side always want to exercise and reinforce their higher positions. By verbal abuse, they prompt and repeat the hidden message behind this abuse, i.e. they are superior and you inferior. You are no longer in a position to challenge or fight back their decisions. Day after day, you are getting used to the abuse and accept the fact that you are not equal and free. The whole process is rather like enslaving. The only difference is that they don’t confine your body but imprison your mind so that you no longer voice your thoughts. Unconscious abuse are when people speak their mind which is already filled with prejudice and prior concepts which they are unaware of. As a result, their words make you feel insulted and demoralized even though it is not their original intention.
Human beings will always have differences but it is not an excuse for discrimination, prejudice or any other mistreatment, verbally or physically. It is understandable to lose our temper sometimes. However, you must apologise for your mistake.