- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
How to Bring Back the Honeymoon Stage
It is Friday night and you are going on a date with the person you love. You both have knots in your stomach because it has been a couple of days since you have seen each other but it feels like an eternity. The man will make sure he has on his best clothes, his hair will be combed and neat and he will be wearing her favorite cologne. The women will go rampaging through her closet and try on her 400th outfit. Making sure that she looks absolutely perfect. She will spend at least an hour fixing her hair and applying her makeup. Not one thing will be out of place.
This is how we feel when we start a new relationship. It's fresh, new and exciting. Though most relationships start out this way, they do not always stay that way.
So you meet at this nice romantic restaurant overlooking the water. You greet each other with a kiss and a hug like this was the first time you have seen each other in years. You both have smiles on your face, which extends from ear to ear. As you eat your dinner, your eyes are set on one another. You don’t want to move them because you feel you might miss something. You talk, you laugh, and you flirt. You love the way you make each other feel. You wish that this day would never end. You feel so warm on the inside and you realize that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. There has never been another that has made you feel this way. You are in love, and deeply in love.
Thinking About the Future
So after spending a wonderful weekend together it is now Monday and you are back at work.
You are sitting at your desk glowing thinking about the amazing time you had this weekend. Nothing can ruin your perfect mood. You are day dreaming about how your life will be in the future with this person. Your mind is like a balloon filled with helium as it floats away into the sky.
You set a date for the wedding. Both of you are filled with excitement and expectation. Her with planning the wedding. Him with making the whole world aware that he is marrying the women of his dreams. This all still feels surreal. This marriage is going to be perfect. You are the perfect couple. You are never going to turn out like the other married couples you know. You are going to have a couple of children and live the perfect life and create the perfect family.
We Lost That Loving Feeling
It is once again Friday night but it is now 5 years later. By this time you have purchased a home, had a few children and adopted a dog. The woman is dressed in her finest sweat pants and tank top, while her husband has on his best boxers; you know the pair with the hole in the butt. He is sitting on the couch eating his dinner. The kids are in the kitchen throwing macaroni and cheese at each other, and she is screaming at the dog because he just jumped up on the table and ate the hamburger, which was her dinner. Ah how sweet perfection is.
After dinner the children and the kitchen are cleaned up. The kids are sent to their room to play, he is still watching his show, and she is on the Internet playing her favorite game. It is now about 9 p.m. The children are put to bed. You are both exhausted from the long week of hard work. You just want to go to sleep. You both get into bed and say goodnight. These words being the first you spoke in hours. You both turn around and fall asleep.
How To Bring The Spark Back To The Relationship
Does this sound similar to your life? What happened to being the perfect couple and creating the perfect family? Why has it turned out this way? If this is you don’t worry, it happens to most of us and it can be fixed. You can get that spark back into your life. It requires a little work and creativity on your part. But the work will be nothing compared to result.
Here are some things you can do to help bring back that amazing feeling you once had for each other:
Set up Dates with Your Spouse - I know life can get in the way. But you need to put those sweat pants and boxers away for a little while. At least once a week. Make it a necessity to make time on a Friday or Saturday night to get dressed up, put on your best clothes, fix your hair and your makeup and go out. Remember those days of meeting at that nice restaurant or going for a walk along the shore. Relive those days. Though you see each other every day, this will break the routine. Looking your best will make you feel your best. You will remember why you fell in love in the first place. This will give you time to talk, laugh and relax. Now you will have the whole week to daydream at the office about your wonderful weekend and be excited about the next one.
Remind Your Spouse That You Love Them - I know you love your spouse. And I am sure that your spouse knows that you love them. But we often forget to tell the other person how we feel. Slip a nice little note into their purse or wallet saying I miss you. Or send a text saying I love you in the middle of the day for no reason. It will let the other person know that you still think about them and that you still care. It is sure to bring a smile to their face.
Bring Home Little Gifts - It does not have to be expensive. If she loves flowers, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers. If he has been talking about a new CD he has been meaning to buy, buy it for him. This will let them know that you are listening or that you are still aware they exist.
Bring Laughter back into the Relationship - What brings a lot of couples together in the first place is laughter. You know the, I can’t breath anymore because you made me laugh so hard feeling. Make sure that you don’t always take everything so seriously. Bring out the child in you from time to time. Just enjoy each other’s company.
Compromise with Your Spouse - While she might want to get on the computer and play a game and he might want to watch his favorite TV show you need to compromise. Even if you hate the show he is watching, sit next to him on the couch. Hold each other just to be close. And if she likes to play games, get out a deck of cards and play together. This does not mean that you have to sit down and watch 3 hours worth of TV that you hate, or play cards for 3 hours. But just doing a bit of what the other person likes will give you a chance to spend some time together and bond. Let them know that what is important to them is important to you.
Become Best Friends Again - Remember while you were dating and something happened to you? Or when you had a great idea or plan about something you really wanted or that you wanted to achieve? What was the first thing you did? You told the other person. You could not wait to share the news with them or tell them how upset you were about what had just happened to you. You were best friends. Start doing this again. Really listen to each other. It is important that you keep each other in the loop. By letting them know that their opinion is still important, and making them aware that you still need their support will only bring you closer together.
Go out of Your Way to be Affectionate - While you can’t be affectionate with your spouse 24/7, try your best to show your partner affection. When you wake up in the morning, when you come home, before you go to bed, be sure to give them a kiss. If you are walking down the street or in the mall, hold each other’s hand. While you are sitting on the couch, place your arm around them. While these might sound like little insignificant things, they are not. It is very important to show how you feel. It will bring back that warm feeling that you once had. You got married because you knew that this person made you feel special. They were the one that made you feel loved and secure. Actually feeling it is a lot better than just knowing it.
Make Love a Priority
These are just some simple ideas to get that "honeymoon" stage back into your life. There will still be arguments, stressful days and days when you just do not want to be bothered. That is just a part of life. But we seem to think that once we have the other person, all the work is done. On the contrary, this is when the work really begins.
We start to feel we no longer need to show this person how we feel because they already know. True they might know that you love them. Do not let other things in your life become more important than the person you married. While you might have new interests and other responsibilities, it is your responsibility to not let your relationship become of a memory of the good old days. Do your part in doing what needs to be done in order to bring those memories back to reality.
Start putting that warm and loving feeling back into your relationship. It will be well worth it!
Do you feel you lost the spark in your marriage?
© 2010 Jenn