- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Love and Forgiveness
All about Love
People often talk much about love yet most of us do not actually understand what love is all about and this lies especially among youths. Furthermore, people have generally considered love to be a feeling; a romantic or sexual feeling for another person but that is to me not what love stands for. Of course there is this proverb that goes this way; “Every man can father a child but it takes a further step to be a Daddy” therefore love is not just about feelings but about Action.
I sometime came across a group of friends, (three males and three females) and what actually attracted me to them was they were playing with each other inside a Restaurant and my attention was drawn closer to them when one of them asked me to lend him my pen and the gesture prompted a wide interaction with the group, as a matter of fact, among the females was a mother and her daughter and they all belong to different races, the males were Arabs from Egypt while the ladies were Cubans.
I wanted to discuss about Love and its significant with them, I mean I wanted to know what their opinions about love is so I crafted twelve questions for them.
- Marital status
- Do you believe in love at first sight
- What do you like/dislike in the opposite sex
- What do you expect in a relationship
- Do you believe in interracial marriage
- What does love (loving someone0 mean to you
- Will you consider yourself a jealous lover
- Will you forgive your partner should he/she cheat on you
- What does forgiveness mean to you
- Is sex important, very important or just normal in a relationship
I wish to stress that I also found out during our introduction that two pairs in the group were just friends and they are Yaimey the lady whose daughter Lisandra was dating one of the guys and Suleman (A team mate to the guys). Suleman left after our introduction and I was left with his team mates, Usman andOman and their pairs Elvira, Lisandra and her mother. The answers they honestly gave me expanded our would be few minutes chat to a four hours conversation. Below are their answers to the above questions.
4. No I do not believe in love at first sight though there might be an attraction but that is not really love.
5. I like honest men, hates liars and violent men
6. To be honest, I expect nothing but a true love in a relationship; I mean I simply want to be loved from the heart.
7. I believe in interracial marriage, to me race means nothing
8. Love means so much to me and loving someone to me means to love and be loved, love means purity, strong passion, dedication and sacrifice because without love, nothing will be possible in life.
9. I do not consider myself a jealous lover because I go into a reaction with all my heart so once the trust is there, there is no jealousy.
10. Sure, I will but it depends on the extent of the shock and damage but I believe that I can forgive.
11. Forgiveness means so much and it is very important because without forgiveness, there won’t be love.
12. Sex is very important in a relationship because it is one of the things that helps couples in building confidence in each other.
- of course I do and it is all about feelings
- I love men who are caring and helpful and I hate pompous men
- I expect seriousness and commitment from my partner because I always dream of a lasting relationship
- Sure I do and as you can just see, my boy friend is an Arab, he doesn’t even speak Spanish nor do I understand Arabic yet we love each other and does understand our feelings and our needs so as far as I am concerned, race means nothing.
- Love means support and that is to be there for each other in good and bad times.
- No I am not a jealous lover
- Yes, I will forgive my partner for that because I love him.
- Forgiveness to me is a matter of understanding.
- Sex is nothing but a normal thing like every other thing that people share in a relationship, for me; it doesn’t even play an important role for a relationship to balance.
- Yes, I believe in love at first sight
- I love intelligent, honest and caring men and I hate hypocrites, violent and ugly men.
- I expect a lot in a relationship that is why I do believe that commitment towards each other is highly essential.
- Race means nothing to me
- Love is pure and has to do with support that is why when you love someone, you give all and has to be there for that person no matter the circumstances.
- I will rather say that I am partially a jealous lover.
- Never, I can’t forgive that, it is hypocrisy and the worst form of betrayal.
- Forgiveness is simply understanding and nothing more.
- No not at all, though there might be a normal feeling of likeness but that is not basically real love.
- I love intelligent, beautiful, and descent women and honestly, what turns me off I women is lies. I hate lies and won’t ever allow a liar around me.
- I expect so much in a relationship because I go into it with all my heart and expect it to last.
- I do consider race very important but I am not a racist though I don’t like black ladies, they don’t have the magic I need in women so honestly, I prefer white ladies from any culture or background.
- To me, love is nothing but a true understanding of each other
- I am hundred percent Jealous, I mean a very jealous lover.
- Forgive? Never; that will be the end of the relationship.
- Forgiveness to me is another form of understanding.
- Sex is very important in a relationship, it is like adding 1+1 to get 2, it draws people very close and helps in building trust in a relationship
Usman who declined to answer the questions simply answered question 9 and made it clear that he will never share his partner so would kill for that and during the course of our conversation, Elvira’s mother Berbie joined us and showed great interest in our deliberation so when I asked her what she feel about love she however gave me her own candid opinion about what love is all about and according to her love means acceptance, sacrifice, and support, she also went further and made it clear that she will forgive if cheated on so with all the answers they gave me, I came to the point that love has to do with Sacrifice, it is not just feelings but has a lot in common with Action and this means that love is all about Action and I had to be this action into motion in this illustration thus I came up with this illustration…
…If you were in a boat with your wife and mother and sailed into a destructive storm which destroyed your boat and the boat was on the verge of capsizing but however there are two life jackets on board and you instantly put on one and as you were trying to get hold of the other jacket, your colleagues feel into the ocean and were about to be drawn then you got hold of the Jack and there inside the ocean is your wife and mother and you are in the position to save just one of them with the life jacket you, who between them would you save?
For the ladies, I gave them an illustration of a father and husband so for you the reader, who would you save in this situation?
Elvira, Lisandra and Yaimey made it clear that they will save their Fathers; Berbie said that she will save her husband, Usman and Oman said that they will save their mothers. However, the question was also directed to me and I said that I will save my wife but Oman argued that there is only one mother in this world and so many women so to him, it is sanity if one should in this situation save his wife instead of his mother and Elvira agreed with him saying that there is more to benefit in saving one’s parent in such a situation.
I on the other hand, argued that saving one’s spouse in that scenario is more benefiting because for me, each time I look in the mirror, I see my wife’s reflection and not mine therefore since what we share is love, a true one which knows no boundary, a love which is unconditional, pure and affectionate, a love which will never die then the Jacket is hers. I know that it might be difficult for so many people to see why saving one’s spouse is the right thing to do yet it is all about love. So in conclusion, it is love in action because I believe that no man will ever save his mother in that situation if the wife is pregnant.
Will you leave your pregnant wife and save your mother in that situation? Anyway the choice is yours but I have made my point and will forever stand on it so the issue of love in action led us to emphasize on question number #11 FORGIVENESS
In retrospect, Forgiveness in this article is based on understanding but do you believe that this understanding has something to do with love? Obviously, yes after all, my colleagues agreed that it is all about love therefore Forgiveness is also a form of love in action for instance; take a careful study in the illustration below.
But before I go on, I would like to know what you feel about helping people in need because for my colleagues, they all agreed that it is good to help someone in need and Berbie called it Humanity. Of course it is rewarding in every sense to help a fellow human besides “Blessed is the hand that gives than the one that receives”. Since helping each other is rewarding and people often feel happy when they help others therefore helping each other makes both parties happy and the same applies to forgiving one another.
Imagine that you have a burden which gives you sleepless nights and shrinks your skin then someone helped you ease the burden.
HOW WILL YOU FEEL?
I bet that the answer to the question will be nothing but relieved. Of course, you will feel relieved and this form of relief brings happiness to both parties therefore the same form of happiness is derived when one is forgiven of a wrong doing, an offense committed is like a burden and hips grudges inside people and grudges is a form of bitterness therefore, a forgiven wrong givers room for happiness because once there is forgiveness, bitterness disappears and there will be room for happiness.
Forgiveness is good for one’s health because it is better of live in happiness than wallow in bitterness though Elvira objected that most times, people who don’t forgive others live happily because according to her, it is better to let go of hypocrites and go on with one’s life. She is right because like the saying goes “The rope is broken”. It is true that the rope is broken and it is true that it cannot be the same size when fixed; it will never be the same rope again however, it is better fixed than left broken therefore forgiveness is like fixing a broken rope.
There are two ways to almost everything in life so even if the rope has been broken and there is no more trust yet I can be fixed and though it would never be the same again yet it is always better to iron out our differences with each other than to fight and part ways that is why I stand that forgives is not just a matter of understanding but a basis of life, it is one attribute we as human share in common and the illustration below demonstrates it…
…A young American Lady traveled down to South Africa upon the end of the Apartheid Government to help in the building of the nation, her mission was simply to help the poor improvised black community but somehow she was ambushed by three black men who tortured and killed her but her killers were later captured and put to trial and her parents travelled to South Africa during the trial of their daughter’s murders.
Before I proceed, I would like to know what you as a person would do to someone who murdered your loved one.
As of my colleagues except Berbie and Yaimey,we stood on the ground of “An eye for an eye”.
As a matter of fact, the mother of the deceased looked into the eyes of her daughter’s killers and proclaimed forgiveness. The culprits though they all showed remorse for the grievous crime they committed and were sentenced to jail terms but today they are all co-financiers of the foundation set up by the parents in memory of their slain daughter.
The illustration above is a good example of Love in action because instead of hating their daughter’s killers, they showed them love not by words or feelings but by action which brings us to the point that love and forgives goes together, there will never be an understanding if there is no love and that is why I wish to let you know that building bridges over troubled water is simply all about love.