Love and Healthy Relationships
Don't be afraid to fall in love. It's the only thing that matters in life.
Kendrick Lamar – Opposites Attract (song)
We hurt people that love us, love people that hurt us
Hurt people that love us, love people...
I'm inspired, so get inspired
Healthy relationships, everyone says they desire a healthy relationship but do we really understand, as individuals, what a healthy relationship is in actuality? There are resources that explain and give tools regarding what constitutes a healthy relationship such as: http://www.loveisrespect.org. There is even a quiz dedicating to helping one determine if a relationship is healthy. There is a website that also outlines the traits of healthy relationships:http://www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.htm.
What is a healthy relationship? Shouldn't we learn and be exposed to that example by our parents, aunts and uncles, or perhaps friends of the family at a young age?
When children witness and experience a healthy relationship amongst their parents it results in a positive desire to be married and/or have a long term relationship. When your memories are filled with watching your parents hug and kiss, overcome arguments, and play with the kids in the backyard; your thoughts of a relationships tend to be more positive. Adversely, if your memories are filled with arguments, abandonment, abuse, empty promises, or cold interaction void of love then your thoughts on relationships tend to be more negative.
For this moment I want you to make a list of all the people you have loved. Compare these people with your viewpoints and examples as a child of interaction; particularly with your opposite sex parent.
Are you duplicating the positive or negative relationship experience of your childhood?
Are you afraid to love?
Are you afraid to express love?
Are you so afraid of being hurt that you decided no one would ever be allowed to experience you so therefore they can never hurt you?
Healthy relationships require honesty, acceptance, tolerance, patience, commitment, communication, understanding, releasing control, and the ability to twist and turn with the roller-coasters of life.
Honesty- Honesty with yourself is the key to this concept. Know what you want out of life and the “features” of the person best compatible for your desires in life. Your presentation should be consistent with who you are and not the person you are pretending to be.
Acceptance – Understand and accept your partner for who they are and not who you think you will mold them into becoming. While each person in a relationship can help to make the other person better, there should not be a makeover project in motion at all times.
Tolerance- There are some activities or interests that may not be on a top of your list but in order for the relationship to work each party makes the occasional sacrifice. Sometimes rather than partake in the activity, the greatest gift sometimes is to allow that person freedom to enjoy the activities they want.
Patience- When attempting to become one with a person this requires a blending of two people into one so therefore we have to make allowances, in love, for individual differences. The question is: Is this worth a war or is this a minor issue that need not be addressed?
Commitment- Loyalty and fidelity. If you are not mentally, emotionally, or morally centered then don't enter into a relationship/marriage. You know in your heart of you are a cheater so don't break anyone's heart or allow others to break your heart. If you are not going to be faithful then don't enter into a relationship. This refers back to #1 trait which maintains you need to be honest with yourself.
Communication-People do not know your needs until you make them known. You can say anything you want to say it, it's just how you say it. When communicating needs to others, speak in positives. I like it when we..........I really enjoyed when we.........etc. Refrain for approaching needs and desires with a list of what you don't want or don't like.
Understanding-Without relying on your own experiences, hearing and understanding the views, ideas, and opinions of others. Make the needs of your partner as important as your needs and positive interaction will occur.
Releasing Control-You can not experience the joys of love while attempting to control others and/or the relationship. To experience love you have to let go and allow love to flourish. When you spend all your time steering the relationship and attempting to control others you miss out on the experience and beauty of the relationship.
Roller-coaster: Buckle up and be prepared that even with the best laid plans; everything will not happen as expected. You have to be flexible with what happens in life. No matter what, just keep dancing in love regardless of the music that is being played.
Just some thoughts on love:
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.”
“Your heart and head must match in order to have a meaningful relationship. In the end it's not about status, the opinions of others, or what is expected of you; it's experiencing the person that brings joy to your life. When he/she is right, you will know.”
“I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you.”
"An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes."