ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Love and Jealousy

Updated on June 15, 2010

The Good Side of Jealousy

Many people who come to this hub will want to stop at the capsule subtitle, immediately thinking, "what can possibly be good about jealousy?" To anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of a jealous relationship, we know the discomfort and sometimes fear, that accompanies the response to another person's anger and accusations stemming from their jealousy.

There was a time when I had heard so many bad things about jealousy, I can recall reading "I the Lord thy God am a jealous God" and thinking God must not be a very nice guy.

But the Bible depicts God as good in every way, so is it plausible to think this is meant as a negative attribute of the Divine? Or is it right to think that in the ancient literature and its earliest English translations, jealously was actually understood in general to be a good quality?

With everything that is said about jealousy, it is hard to think of it as good. I wonder, however, if what we commonly refer to as jealousy is better understood as possessiveness rather than jealousy per se . Possessiveness isn't a word that easily rolls off the tongue, and even if we use the adjective form - possessive - it's a little confusing in the context of a male-female relationship - "jealousy" just seems to create a more clear picture of the issue. Nonetheless, I think it's worth considering the real distinctions between jealousy and possessiveness in order to help understand jealousy for what it really is.

If jealousy is an attribute of divinity, then at it's core, it is good. But how can this be so? Moses heard God say he is a jealous God because he did not want the Israelites worshiping other gods - false gods. He wanted them to be faithful to him, but he also wanted truth to prevail and he did not want them to rely upon gods who could not deliver on promises they might make, in fact, could not answer their prayers at all.

In fact, the Bible then describers the punishments that come to his people when they stray from fidelity to him - he would "visit the iniquities" of that generation on many generations to come.  

To us, this all seems extremely harsh.  But thoughtful reflection of the matter sheds light in a way we can all understand.  have any of us ever witnessed an intergenerational plague, what a father has done is not only repeated by his son, but the consequences are multiplied in ways no one might have imagined?



The Darker Side

Even with all of the above said of God, it takes only a moment to think of an experience with a jealous person to make you want to change the subject. Jealousy is rarely expressed in a positive way on a human level - at least when it is recognizable as jealousy.

I suspect this is because what starts as something truly positive - perhaps a sense of protection of another person from something harmful - turns into an ignoble emotional experience before jealousy is ever obvious. When this happens, it is often even triggered by an action or concern over something palpable and legitimate - but it becomes unhealthy the very second the jealous person thinks he can do anything to prevent or control the harm that may come from what he is worried about.

For example, a young man cares about his girlfriend. He wants her to spend time with friends who have high morals and good judgment. One of her closest friends, however, is a serious partier, and is rumored to sleep around frequently. The girlfriend will not let him choose her friends - they are hers to choose. Her friendship continues till at last the girlfriend is persuaded to get close to another guy. She displays this unspoken interest through a newly kindled indifference toward her own boyfriend.

At some moment, she is in a simple conversation with another guy, who is truly just a friend, immediately after which her boyfriend explodes. She's intimidated, doesn't understand, and disdains her boyfriend's attention - nobody wins.

Jealousy is frightening because it is accompanied with anger, insecurity and love of one's self rather than the other person. If the jealous person was truly calm, self-assured and loving, his expressions would not be a threat - whether they are well received by the other person or not.



Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 

      8 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      You make some interesting points. I enjoy your writing.

      Namaste.

    • C.E. Grant profile image

      C.E. Grant 

      8 years ago from StepLand's Sunny Side

      You know, I had never considered jealousy within these contexts. This is very interesting, indeed!

      When I think of jealousy & possessiveness, I often think of my darling partner's astonishing X!

      Jealousy & possessiveness may be two of the most effective practices for one to entirely embarrass him/herself by leaving off politesse for bad form.

      Your thoughts on relationship-related topics are carefully considered & demonstrate common sense. Well done, once again!

      Warm regards...Ceci

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)