Love and Relationships: Dating and Proposals
Dating and Proposals
I remember when I was 20+ and was dating this guy, who I happen to actually marry. I remember during those early years, simply waiting around for the big day when he would ask for my hand in marriage. Part of the reason why I was so excited may have been many of the books I read as a young child, waiting for the prince charming to sweep me off my feet. The other reason may have been because everyone else was engaged and getting married. I recall sitting around and having conversations with him, asking him if we would ever get married. I dated him for 5 years, but he gave me a ring within 3 years of dating. I remember just how he did it. We went to the jewelry store, and he raised his hand up or down to signify how much he was going to spend on my ring. I picked out my ring, and that was it.
That day, I came home with my then $2,300 ring and thought the world of it. Well that is until I realized that he may have only given me a ring because I kept asking for it. He may have done it to keep me quiet. We stayed engaged for another two years before we actually walked the aisle. The excitement I once had to get the ring went away. For him, I would assume the same, because we never talked about marriage after that—hence why it took two years. He wanted at the time to get married at the courthouse. I remember telling him, my first marriage would never be in a courthouse. We were not getting married because I was expecting a baby. So the decision was made, and a wedding I begun to plan.
At the end of it all, he thanked me for making him do a wedding rather than a courthouse. Almost 6 years later, it dawned on me. He thanked me for making him have a wedding, but I never thanked him for getting me a ring to keep me quiet. So thanks. That marriage ended, but what came out of it was a wonderful lesson for me, one that I wouldn’t have learned at that age. I would never date another man, and ask him or pester him or even give him an ultimatum on when he should marry me. I find it very annoying now when people ask me when I am going to get engaged to the man I am dating now as if I would know.
We as adults talk about our future, and how one day I would love for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Simply because in my first marriage, I learned a lot about who I am and what I want, and what really makes me happy. I made a promise to myself that I would never ever ask a man when he plans on marrying me or proposing. If you recall earlier, I’ve never really been proposed to. So that alone would be a first. I want the man I am with to ask me when he is ready. Just knowing that I am “wife” material is good enough for me. Just knowing that the intention is there by him to ask me one day is enough for me. What may make it stressful at times is when other people may ask me as if I have a clue. Or meeting people that have placed timelines on their significant others to give them a ring. You might learn just as I did when I was 25 that you pretty much forced someone to be with you, and when you force something to work—sometimes it doesn’t.
By the time the person you forced to marry you realizes how much they really do love and need you, you’re gone. So I tell many of you women out there waiting, if the relationship is great then enjoy it. If you are in a relationship that has had some problems, that’s really good. You are getting over many of the problems you would normally experience in the honeymoon period of your marriage. Get it all out now, so when you do get married its smooth sailing. At that point, you will have nothing really to fight about anymore. Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I saying you will not face challenges because you should, but a lot of what we call “petty” should be a wash in the ocean. So next time you hang out with your friend, and you know they have been dating for 4+ years or more, don’t ask her when is she getting married—she doesn’t know. It’s OK to hope and look forward to it—after all we have been taught as a young girl to look forward to it. We are all in our own way looking for our happily ever after.