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Believing is Seeing: Love at First Sight
I stood fiddling with my pen, best selling writer in the making here people. Writers' block! I hit the wall...not one single word was finding its way to my head, where it could mingle with my imagination and create that 'come hither and read me' story. I ordered some more coffee- a mocha with extra milk and whipped cream.
As I sit there waiting on the waitress to bring me my caffeine-creativity injecting fix, the cafe door opened and shut, I wasn't looking but heard its chimes. In that moment time slowed down, and the usual silent noises were amplified. I turned my head to see who had come in, [at this time of day I was usually the only one at Shirley's] I looked up slowly. As my eyes gained focus on the person there he was.
Tall, strapping guy, early twentys by the looks of it. He had gorgeous skin and broad,built shoulders (I have a 'thing' for shoulders). He was wearing a semi fitted T-shirt- just enough for me too see his body's definition, it fell just unto his belt, and jeans and not those skinny jeans, or incredibly baggy jeans hanging off his ass, they were in between- regular jeans. The waitress, placed my mocha on the table and just stood there, I could feel her standing behind me. I turned to find out what she wanted, only to realise just then- I was staring at his crotch. She chuckled and twitched her eyebrows, letting me know she thought the same.
I was already biting my lip- the bottom one, on the left side. He had the most amazing eyes, not the cliche amazing eyes- No his eyes were open, so open that I saw him, his soul. My heart was beating so loudly, I covered my chest with my hands to soften the sound. As I stared at him, he turned and looked right at me Shit! I shut my eyes for a second, butterflies everywhere as if thousands of caterpillars had just comleted their final stage of metamorphisis all over my body.
I opened my eyes and looked up-he was still looking at me. So I went for it-I raised my eyes and looked at him dead on- both our eyes fixated on each others. We were locked in a visual explosion. My butterflies surged, swayed and flowed, all over, inside and around me. I was nervous but safe.
Safe. He was looking at me and I him, we stared into each others souls. I couldn't believe it happened or that it would, but there it was, right there...
Love. I had fallen in love, with just one look, with a man I had never seen before, with a man I did not know. Finally a man. Lord knows I'd been waiting on him for a while now. I was so excited I almost bit off half my lip.
Long story short, we married a couple of months later- It's been a year since. He is 24 and I'm 23, we both want children but will wait a few more years.
There it was! THERE IT IS!
I HAD FALLEN IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!*I cheekily grin as I type*. It was right out of a movie scene or from the page of someone's book. That's because it was!This is a page from my own book, well head to be precise.
This is how I spent a great portion of my life. Even as a little girl I was convinced by stories and fairy tales, that that first/one look was all it took. TV didn't help either, with its blissful, sugar coated family shows (THIS IS NOT A DIG AT FAMILY SITCOMS) nor did films, I mean almost everyone fell in love at first sight. Even the media with their 'love' propaganda.
Now that I'm older and wiser, I can easily and honestly say I do not believe in love at first sight. It is easy to see someone for the first time and feel something, a spark, infatuation, lust, sexual tension or a certain je ne sais qua (hope I spelt that correctly). However to stand there and have the audacity to call it love, is somewhat facetious.
Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?
I do not write the above with the intention of causing offence to those who have been lucky or blessed enough to have fallen in love or to those true romantics at heart, who believe in its existence. It is simply my opinion.
Like I said You can feel something but it's not love. Not the real, true, unconditional in love, love.
'A many splendid thing', it is having a great affection or liking for someone, something you get pleasure from e.g. 'I love football'. It is even a kin to relations of a more carnal nature as in a deep feeling of sexual desire/attraction or even sexual intercourse/activities as in love making.
It is even something as mundane as a score of zero in a tennis match.
More importantly it is the feeling of being enamoured or in love. It is a strong, warm affection, through which being without the person, one feels love for can cause pain or one being love sick. It involves deep devotion and commitment so strong, that it becomes unconditional-a 'no matter what' feeling.
'Love is blind' Chaucer.
Based on some of the above definitions, one can fall in love at first sight.
One can have an instant liking or great affection when seeing someone for the first time BUT isn't that infatuation? Some of infatuation's symptoms are similar to that of love.
You can get pleasure from someone at first sight- especially if they're scrumptious.
One can also feel deep sexual desire/attraction to someone at first sight aka lust.
Sexual activities- another that can be derived from first looking at someone but it also depends on the alcohol levels influencing both parties involved and time of night. Usually it takes a bit more than a first look to lead instantaneously to sexual activities- a couple of mini conversations a drink here or there, a stray touch and voilà- a one night stand. These can lead to relationships but from what I've seen from friends and peers, they NEVER EVER last...more than 2 months at most, if that much.
From the aforementioned one can fall in love at first sight based on some of its definitions, but these definitions are not true to the essence, the core of the love most of us long for or want to find at first sight.
We long to be loved. Loved unconditionally and to be in love. We want that deep rooted emotion where we commit ourselves to that person. Everyone wants butterflies but in terms of love, we want even more than that- we want that every insect in the world feeling!To walk hand in hand in slow motion, when they leave we miss them...crazy style. When our minds become so infected by their love we think about them all the time. To be loved regardless.
Love at first sight is not an oxymoron.
For those who have fallen in love at first sight- their love did not go straight to rings and happily ever after. It takes a period of time after the 'seeing is loving' episode before that all happens. However short this period is a week, couple of months- the fact is it does not happen in the blink of an eye.
In my personal beliefs concerning LOVE, one must have
IntimacyLove needs a level of intimacy that eyes will not allow. I don't mean physical intimacy (that too is very important) but emotional intimacy. Sharing stories, life experiences, deep personal feelings equals emotional intimacy. Sharing all of this cannot be done with the batting of eyelashes from across the room. It needs time.
TrustTo love someone means the decision to trust them has been made. It is possible to trust someone from the 'get'. How will you know whether that person is trustworthy?
TimeThis is because love needs to be sowed and taken care of-nurtured before it blossoms. Eyes may be the windows to the soul but do not allow for nurturing love.
Love is such a multi faceted emotion, why leave it up to sight? Surely it is too great a decision for our eyes to make.
Love at first sight I honestly believe exists however, it is a case of believing is seeing. Perhaps if we believe we can fall in love with someone in our first visual encounter, then chances of it happening are better than of the non believers. I do not believe it exists well not the kind of love I am longing for and hoping to find. This is the reason it will more than likely not happen to me. If I entertained the idea long enough, I just might find the gaze of an unsuspecting Prince Charming that of lurve but I simply refuse to. I want take the time in finding love and letting that love, than happen upon it spontaneously and instantaneously.
I should really believe in it from the stories all us grand kids were told-My grandfather said he was in a taxi on his way to work, he was about 20years old. He was looking out he window the way he usually did and standing at a bus stop was this girl, this woman, absolutely gorgeous...but it wasn't her looks alone, something clicked and he just 'knew'. He stood at the bus stop (as my memory serves) almost everyday for a week waiting on her. When she finally showed up he made his move. I can't remember how long it took after that for them to be married but they are together till this day, almost 50 years later.
Its existence is proven by the many, who have experienced this phenomena, however the feeling is often one sided at first and the other must discover love after spending time with that person. My gut says it may not be love but this sense or great desire of getting to know everything about this person, after which love will follow.
Either that or it does in fact exist but my cynicism has kept my chance of finding it at bay.
What I do believe in however is Love at first hindsight? You can fall in love with someone instantly that you've known for sometime but never felt that level of emotion before.