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Love in Your Marriage

Updated on March 21, 2013
Image: Just Married, Halifax, NS
Image: Just Married, Halifax, NS | Source

THE FIRST YEAR

Shortly after we were married, my wife and I went to see and hear Bill Cosby when he came to Halifax. He received a rousing response when he compared his first year of marriage to years later; describing in detail how his wife assured him that she loved him more and more as time moved on. His bewildering question was, "If she loves me more and more with each passing year, where did the intimacy vanish to, that we shared during our first year of marriage?"


Image: IMPS
Image: IMPS | Source

REALITY SETS IN

Your first year of marriage is like the newness of any experience or relationship. We're so excited, or blinded, we overlook any negativity that may dampen our spirits. When the shine wears off, those little imps seem to pop up in the most unexpected places. Imps like impossible, impatient, imperfect, impersonal, impetuous, and impose to mention a few. Some wake up, scratching their heads, wondering how they ended up here!

Smack those little devil imps right out of your life. Their mission is to destroy your marriage. Focus on the bliss that you enjoyed during the first year... we hope. The best way to do that is by communicating... in a positive manner of speaking. The natural reaction is to clam up and wait for your spouse to clue in to his/her blunder. Like... we're supposed to be like Mel Gibson in What Women Want! Read your ticked spouse's mind! Mel was more fortunate, he could hear the women's thoughts if you haven't seen the movie.

Image: Happy Couples
Image: Happy Couples | Source
Image: Making a Mountain out of a Mole Hill
Image: Making a Mountain out of a Mole Hill | Source

SETBACKS

Every couple is seeking happiness, like some folks you may know, who have been married for many moons. Do you think that just happened? They had to adjust, make changes and work out their differences. Imagine if the Wright Brothers, or Edison threw up their arms and said, "This is IMPpossible. I give up!"

Ladies, if you're having a bad hair day, do you shave your head bald and never let it grow back? Guys, if your beloved year old car needs a little tune-up, do you chuck it aside and buy a new one? You get the picture!

We're bombarded with media that implies if you don't like it, get out! Love doesn't work that way. It's much deeper and the answer is to find a solution to a problem before any little imp blows your mole hill into an erupting volcano.






CHILDREN

Children bring untold joy into the family. Untold responsibility too. Oops, did someone forget to tell you that? Some guys think their responsibility ends after having the joy of making the baby. Not!

It's beyond my comprehension why women have babies. Ouch! The pain... not to mention the diaper changing, crying, feeding, bathing, washing, cooking, laundry and many other taken for granted duties they perform while the man goes off to work. Of course he expects his fresh as a daisy wife to be dressed like a queen, waiting to welcome him home with open arms and a piping hot supper ready when he returns from his hard day at the office. After eating, he has to relax in his lazy-boy to get ready for romantic quality time just before rolling over and falling asleep. Do any of you relate or am I just rambling on?

Image: Children
Image: Children | Source

SHARING RESPONSIBILITY

To rear children properly, they need lots of training, instruction, guidance and love from both parents. You must back each other up when it comes to discipline. There's nothing kids like doing better than getting their own way because Dad said it was O.K.

You have rules at work. You need rules at home. Continually miss work. Soon out of work. But you can't fire or lay off your kids. When rules are broken, there's consequences. Stick to the punishment for the crime, but be reasonable. Make a list of crimes and ask your kids what the punishment should be for each offense. Write it down and warn them this will happen if they wonder off the beaten path. Stick to it even if it hurts you more than them. They'll love you for it... when they're grown up. Short term pain for long term gain.

During my stint as a single Dad, my twelve year old son, and nine year old daughter drove me crazy when they stuck their tongues out at each other. They knew it was against the rules. One day they were at it again. "You and You!" I said in a high octave voice while pointing, "To you room!" I didn't know what I was going to do, but the mind was racing. Then it struck me. "You want to stick your tongue out, stick it out! And leave it out!" I made them hold it out for fifteen minutes. Of course I left and checked on them a few times. I knew they'd put it back in it's socket until I returned. However it worked. We still roar over it today... over thirty years later.

B.A. still hallucinates when she reminisces about wanting to go out Christmas Eve with her friends in her early teens. She drove me to the brink... "No! No! No!" I said in no uncertain terms. I knew they were up to no good. I wonder if she'd have thank me if I let her go unchecked?

Oops, I forgot to mention! If the Mom works too, both should share in the home routine responsibilities. My sister-in-law had a great line when her friends asked why she didn't work outside the home. Her answer, "Why would I want to work all day and then come home and work another eight hours?" And by the way, she is far, far, far from lazy!

Want to make your spouse love you more? Surprise them by doing one or two of their duties without them knowing it. The rewards are amazing!

Image: Having Time Alone
Image: Having Time Alone | Source
Image: Time Alone
Image: Time Alone | Source

TIME ALONE

Men are usually brain dead when it comes to thinking their better half needs time out! It finally woke up this guy one day when his wife said she would like one night a week for herself. You have six nights a week and all I want is one. He was shocked, but soon realized six to one was about equal! She was happy, he saw the light. You see, they had kids and papa bear had to stay home to look after them. Guys! Want to make your wife really happy? Offer to look after the rug rats three or four times week. Most likely she won't go out that often, but you'll be a hero.

Image: Time Together
Image: Time Together | Source
Image: Spliced Together
Image: Spliced Together | Source

TIME TOGETHER

You definitely need time together. Some couples plan a night a week to do whatever. A reliable babysitter relaxes the mind so you both may enjoy the quality time to it's optimum.

Learn to adapt and please the other. There are times when doing whatever may not be your thing, but be enthusiastic about your spouse's interest. Love grows when shared.

Have you ever seen or done something awesome by yourself. The first thing you want to do is share it with someone. How much better to share your experiences together. They are like glue, binding you together.

Not all experiences are joyful, that's when you really need to understand and support your spouse. Sickness and tragedy are two biggies. Be there!

This fifty, fifty thing is the pits. It's like trying to splice a rope if you only meet half way. All you do is but up against each other. To splice, you need a good overlap. Same in marriage. Now you're talking!

Image: Heart Full of Love
Image: Heart Full of Love | Source

REMEMBER



Love is kind, gentle, patient, and understanding. Here's wishing you joyous adventures on your journey to a long happy marriage.

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    • Ivan Fraser profile image
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      Ivan Fraser 4 years ago from Glen Margaret, Nova Scotia

      Wow! Thank you no body. What a great addition you gave to my Hub. I hope this helps many who are struggling in their marriage. God Bless you and your wife and many more happy years. Thanks again.

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 4 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I totally agree that 50-50 is an estimation that usually falls way short of 50% when one deliberately stops at what they think is halfway in pitching in. I also agree that most men think they have found a way to be lazy, stinking, ignorant savages right after they marry. The wife gets dumped on and I know down deep inside the husbands know it. I was married 20 years to my first wife and it is almost 15 years with the second wife. I learned early on in my "career" as a married man that the way to a woman's heart is to understand and help instead of sitting and screaming for her to do it all. My heart hurts me that men do this. The stereotypes grow of scratching, burping "Homer Simpsons" who sit around being gross and yelling at their "Marge" to get the phone, to get the door or get to the bed. It's no wonder marriages do not last past 3 years in most cases. Men don't learn and women are impatient for any change. So men move on to their next maid/wife and women move on to the next man who will treat her like dirt because he left all his manners when she said, "I do." Sorry to vent but I am so tired of men being so predictable. It makes all men look like... So I have accepted that men and women will do what they do and use their bad examples as fuel for my fire when I do what I do for my beloved wife. She is a gift made just for me. I take all my frustrations (should there be any) and lay them at Jesus' feet. I take all my expectations (should there be any) and lay them there too. I do all that is possible to do for her. Some things are beyond my capabilities. She knows what my abilities are and where she needs to step in. I know where she has her weaknesses and do what I can to hold her up there. I constantly praise her in front of others and do not stop praising her when they leave. I tell her I love her more times in a day than I breathe. She did't like it at first until she found out that the "I love you's" were real and genuine and that it did not matter whether I was angry at her or disappointed, I still love her and she knows it. It is not magic. Marriage is hard work and there are wounds inflicted upon us by the other that the Lord God heals if you trust Him and rely on Him. I am quick to ask forgiveness and quick to forgive. It is a hard lesson to learn because people are prideful and keep score of the hurts. They review the hurts over and over until they kill any chance of a life with their mate. You have a great article here.