Love in the distance
Can love survive the distance? Can it born even before the physical contact, powered by telephone communications, postcards or e-mails? Is it credible to dating on Facebook or other social networks? It make sense establish emotional fidelity agreements and at the same time having sex with other people?
According to his experience, prejudices and will, much of the public will answer Yes to these questions. Another group expressed reservations with less conventional ideas, and a small percentage will be categorical in his denial. On the subject, there are thousands of reviews on the web supported by sociological surveys, criteria of therapists and even neurophysiological experiments in humans and other species.
The final answer will be valid for you only, discovered when you are facing a similar history, and not even entirely depends on your desire because of good intentions is often stoned the road to hell.
For the Chilean psychologist Pilar Sordo, a distance love's health depends on the maturity of those who promote it. In this regard writes on his blog: "As younger are the people involved, more difficulties will have to deal with the distance, since you need to have the ability to grow and learn to be with each other without being physically with him or her".
Beyond what happens outside the relationship (whether publicly or covertly), dialogue between lovers can itself be a source of misunderstanding and ruptures. On the phone and chat extra-linguistic communication fails, which includes not only gestures and facial expressions, but also other key signals to "read" the couple, because emotions can be smell or touched.
The expert advice is to let the important issues for when you can speak personally. "The chat can be a double-edged sword in the resolution of conflicts, as the tone of the message is interpreted and that can lead to miscommunication."
Love is not just a feeling, it is also a decision that must be maintained in the presence or absence of the other, fed with will and maturity, says Sordo, who stressed the importance of maintaining their own projects, so that "not desperately need be with the other. "
So every time they are together have something new to bring to the relationship, stories to share. "Couples who are successful in this type of relationship are those that value and use those times and are able to continue with their projects in the distance", says the expert.
The cultural view of gender provides important nuances to the concept of loyalty in the distance. It is said that women do not feel sexual desire but for the person they love and, therefore, are not expected to "betray" the bond, while the man is more given to satisfy appetites of the body with anyone who likes moderately because their desire is less specific and needs to anchor his satisfaction feelings.
This theory is shared by the Spanish Francisco Cabello, highly experienced sex therapist, but says that behind these patterns there are undoubtedly a cultural conditioning that responds to the interests of the dominant patriarchy.
In recent decades this bond relationship between sex and love is gone also for many women, as social development projects allows them to face life in single without giving up the pleasure or maternity.
In terms of age, many young people believe that they can keep the virtual union with the purpose of consolidating the relationship later, but without giving up certain freedoms in the erotic level, making it clear to their online peers that there is a quiet chosen place for another being.
In adulthood is expected a little more loyalty in the erotic plane, or at least discretion, as the external criterion is more important and there are social patterns that impact beyond privacy.
Words like prestige and consequences become relevant when linked to the reason for the distancing, it is not the same be among strangers for a few days or weeks to share two years with colleagues who sometimes are also your partner's.
Although not assume, it can be dangerous to fall in love by mail or Internet, especially in adolescence, because the frustrations are not experienced with equal intensity or evolution. Therefore it recommended that the family regulate such relationships.