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Love, infatuation or Lust?
And again he kept his hand over me. I became uncomfortable and as I changed my direction, he realized my discomfort and left the room. Heaving a sigh of relief, I slept that night.
We were in Goa on our office trip. I still remember the first night we spent there. We all had gathered in one room. The partying and dancing continued till two in the night. I don’t recall when I slept but all of a sudden I realized somebody was trying to touch me. Disturbed from my sleep, I made him realize how uncomfortable I was, and he left the room.
We had not talked for months until this trip where he told me how much he liked me and he thought that it was love at first sight. I had no words and left the place quietly. Next day, we left for Delhi.
All week I was confused about this incident. Can love happen at first sight? Is it love or just an infatuation? Or is it lust? So many questions but no answer! But I was confident that it was lust at first sight and not love.
Heightened arousal state at the beginning of a romance is always a question, whether it is love or lust? A study says that there are some signs that you have to identify to find out the difference between love and lust. And these two states are completely different from each other.
If looking at someone provokes your sexual feelings, then it is definitely lust. You are filled with sexual desires and that doesn’t stop at all! The sex hormones develop in your body at an alarming rate. It is like SEX IN THE BRAIN. This heightened state of arousal glorifies our partner. You cannot accept them as who they are but you see them as who you want them or need them to be. Experts say that at the beginning of a new romance, lust makes you blind. You are impressed by anything and everything about your partner. But as the time passes, the same behavioral traits become annoying and irritating. This is the time when you are able to see your partner actually, with all their flaws. And this is the time when lust declines.
Dr. Terri Orbuch, a professor of sociology, says that lust declines in all romantic relationships. It is an inevitable part of all romantic relationships.
For a long healthy and romantic relationship, it is required to re-ignite the lust every now and then. Love is a profound emotion. Love triggers Oxytocin hormone which gives relaxation and promotes emotional closeness. It is actually opposite to those wild sex hormones of lust.
When you are in love, you spend time with your partner and want your partner to connect with all important people in your life. However, lust restricts any bonding of your partner with important people of your life.
We v/s I:
Love makes you ‘WE’ instead of ‘I’. Your life gets intertwined with your partner’s. Look at your language and the degree to which you use We instead of I statements.
Love motivates you to reveal all the information about you to your partner. You do not hide anything and present yourself the way you are. You tell everything, from your dreams to your destination.
Influence each other:
In love, both of you influence each other. Whatever you do has a strong and meaningful impact on your partner. In fact, any emotion that impacts you has a great influence on your partner.
The difference is not much; all you need to do is to identify that secret and silent language. Well, as far as my relationship goes, we both share a good bonding and share almost every secret now. Who knows if this friendship transforms into love soon!
Pratima Behl is a feminist. She is a zealous writer and has a love/hate relationship with the social media. She believes in giving fact based social views.