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Love is Not a Garden Rose or What's Wrong with the Millionaire Matchmaker
"Love is not a garden rose. It is a field flower." -Sofia Loren
Every single person that ever lived must have, at least at some point, made an attempt to reconcile his or her heart and mind. That came in various forms: from having a large harem, to ruling out the possibility of divorce, to the entire modern concept of the quest for "love." More recently, this has led to the wise-spread consumption of pornography, the advent of Ashley Madison, the Hookup Culture. Despite the recent emphasis on instant gratification, love as an idea of aligning one's heart and mind, has not been lost and has led many to spend time, money, and effort on dating and matchmaking services.
By "love is not a garden rose," Sofia Loren meant that love is an ever-elusive muse. Unlike a garden rose, it cannot be planted at the desired time and at the desired location, but arises spontaneously. That is why love has often escaped those in our society otherwise most entitled otherwise. Movie stars and models are known for having drama-filled and unstable love lives. Here, Marilyn Monroe is the rule and Sofia Loren the exception. The wives of Presidents and Presidential candidates, while otherwise prim and proper, must often also tolerate their husbands' infidelities, as the incidence of such is particularly high for presidents. And nobody liked Barbi's boyfriend/accessory Ken. Our culture breathed a collective sigh and collectively rolled their eyes when Mattel released Ken, first, because Barbi and Ken are so similar-looking and have so little chemistry that that their relationship seems almost incenstuous. And, also, because, in real life, the Barbi and Ken couples are so utterly boring.
But chemistry is only the first prerequisite to love. While there may be a lot of chemistry between me and the Dolce & Gabbana underwear model, we there is no chance whatsoever of us forming a stable family unit. Patti Stanger, who claims she has an eye for chemistry, advertises a 99% success rate, but, a closer look reveals that the success rate of the actual couples she fixed up on TV is much closer to zero. That is because love, the alignment of heart and mind, requires that certain factor that can only be described as intuition, or the correct alignment of stars, place, time, and circumstance. This can rarely be replicated at a club that keeps a database of women who send in their headshots. It also requires honesty.
"Why love now?" asks Stanger, and the men usually respond that they have already sowed their oats, but never say they want to be introduced to a room-full of "perfect tens" and be on TV. The success rate is so low also due to the fact that Patti's clients have been successful in business by making monetary success a much higher priority than their intuition. Those who inherited their money are often in an even worse position because they have always been isolated from the real world and ordinary people and had never even had the chance to develop emotional maturity. Either way, these are almost always people who have been taught or taught themselves to cast aside their intuition and compassion in favor of meeting society's requirements and gaining financial benefit. Their heart and mind will never align because they have never followed their heart. The same is often true for the models they are being introduced to who are looking to cash in on their looks.
However, love is still a flower, and, as such, it will not grow in the gutter. Your heart can be restless and vulnerable, and requires the protection and tempering that comes from your mind. Otherwise, love can be cast aside, trampled, or whither away and die.
I have watched many episodes of "Millionaire Matchmaker." They are interesting because they show exactly how things go wrong for Patti's clients. Here are a few examples:
-An African American basketball player likes to date white models, but they are have turned out to be fair weather companions, and his last wife dumped him at the first sight of financial troubles. Patti promises that the women she finds will be different. Basketball Player choses another pretty blonde from a room-full of skinny and - for once - diverse women. But, as the scenes showing how she was selected reveal, this pretty blonde is different. She is genuine and compassionate. Basketball Player and Compassionate Blonde go on a date, and, about halfway into the date, Compassionate Blonde asks Basketball Player about rumors that he has not been his paying child support. Basketball Player immediately checks out. Patti approves.
-A real estate executive who likes to party and chase women choses a Cindy Crawford-look-alike with a pleasant personality. However, on their first date, she must compete for his attention with his guy friends and a group of beautiful women they brought along because, apparently, he does not believe she is interesting enough as a person to sustain his interest on her own for an entire evening.
-A forgettable, skinny white-collar executive with bland complexion sips wine on his private plane with a southern belle. He has the personality of a door knob. They discuss their mutual love for the finer things in life and reveal that they have the needs and desires of your average door-knob white-collar executive and your average southern belle. They realize that they fit each other like two tiles of the same shape, size, race, and similar upbringing. The executive says Patti did a good job. They live in different cities and promise to keep in touch. The audience imagines them occasionally doing so, while sleeping with other people. (this scenario happens over and over again)
-African American self-made millionaire comments that his African American race is a disadvantage with women in the same way that being short is a disadvantage for another millionaire who is in the same episode with him. Yet he choses a hot-shot drop-dead gorgeous African American model whom he does not have the confidence to court. She quickly loses interest.
As the above examples show, relationships are a mirror. The person you chose and your relationship with that person shows your insecurities, prejudices,and faults. The difficulties you have in a relationship are often directly proportional to how well-adjusted you are as a person. And for you to succeed in relationship, once you found someone who sustains your interest, you must let it change you and transform you, both in making you strong enough to say no, humble enough to say yes, and wise enough to know the difference.