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Love and Sex

Updated on May 13, 2016


What comes to mind when you think of love?

Passion, grand gestures, emotion, affection, attachment....the list can go on. Love is something that can be linked to the colour red, a colour that indicates passion and fire.

However it can also represent something so far from love......


The opposite of love is what? Lust?

A red bulb shines brightly next to a blue bulb, every few meters there are these two bulbs illuminating the long corridor. The corridor is plain, with granite floors and white walls and doors lots of doors. Around 24 doors, with mirrors lining the top of the doors touching the low ceiling. At the end of the corridor there are stairs, going up and going down. The ones that go down go to the street, the other set of stairs goes above to an identical corridor. So in these two plain corridors that are equally tenaciously lit there lies many doors. These doors are made of cheap wood, all 48 of which are closed, tightly. In these corridors there are several men walking around a vast array of different social stereotypes. A tall thin man with a dark complexion, who is well dressed arrives on the first floor just having come up from the street as a short pale man who is incredibly overweight arrives in the same corridor having come down from the identical above. As they pass both men glance towards each other and nod awkwardly to greet each other but neither being overly comfortable with this situation.

The tall man walks to the third door on his left as he starts to move up the corridor, seeing that it the door is not shut firmly but yet a jar he proceeds to slowly open it. He gently puts his head in the door to a small, clean room that contains little but a bed and a sink. That and a woman on the bed. The woman sits on the bed wearing very little but a pair of frilly panties and what is an excuse for a top that struggles to contain her nipples of her particularly large breasts. Above this mounted on her neck is a pretty face that had very thick mascara that accentuates her eyes and overpowering red lips that stand out against her dark skin. Following a brief conversation the tall man enters and quickly shuts the door which is imminently locked. As this happens another door on the other side of the corridor opens where a balding man with an average build exits as he adjusts his belt of his dirty uncared for trousers.

Each of these doors has a woman and a bed behind it, with one thing and one thing only for sale, sex. The only thing that entered my mind while in this place was how it represented the polar opposite of my sex life. Where sex is driven by passion, love and emotion and is an infinite times greater than the feeling and desire 'to cum'. Where I find myself in this 'establishment' merely observing people as they come an go entering these doors to pick a woman of their choosing to fulfil their sexual desires. I couldn't help but pity these people who felt the need to go to such a place and pay for something that could mean so much more if only they only let themselves be more in touch with their emotional self. While what they are paying for undoubtedly feels good in the moment I couldn't stop wondering if these people ever have or ever will feel an emotional and loving connection that I feel with my wife and if their sex lives will ever touch them on another level than the basic instinct from our neanderthal predecessors

The relationship of the two came to my mind when..

When I was with an ex girlfriend towards the end of our relationship we were both dealing with our own mental health troubles (read about my mental health insights here) We had not had sex for around 2 months and she said to me that we were effectively just friends given that we had not had sex in such a long time. While this may just have been her way out of this relationship it made me think about what a relationship is.

Surely a romantic relationship is more than just close friends who have sex, right? If this were the case then jealousy wouldn't be an issue. Well much less of an issue as it is for many, I think. To me love is more than just being with someone, more than just passing time. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are I feel that love is something that goes beyond our conscious minds. You can look at it in many ways, from the likes of an atheist who could understand a connection to go as deep as the subconscious where you feel synchronicity beyond consciousness to the opposite of a Christian who could understand a connection to be deep through something greater than ourselves. Personally I wouldn't consider myself as being either but my beliefs fall somewhere in between the two. Without going into the 'religion debate' I feel that wherever your beliefs lie you can't deny that Love is something that goes deeper than our conscious minds.

What is love?

Sex is everywhere...

Sex is everywhere, but is that a good thing?

Naturally human beings crave sex, it's part of evolution. It can be seen in all walks of life. So when something sexy, sexually suggestive or such is put in front of us we will naturally take notice. Its in our genes! And as such many companies use such things to their benefit when advertising. One example being the photo above...

I only have one doubt about this, that being with the amount of advertising and propaganda that we are subjected to on a daily basis, what is going on in the larger (subconscious) parts of our minds. While often unaware we are constantly shown things about sex directly or indirectly, on tv or through social media to name a few. While I am not saying anything negative about this, I am solely pondering the idea that being bombarded with sex, is it in fact programming us to crave sex for one reason. Not to look for something deeper that can take sex to another level. Would this be different if we were constantly bombarded with love? Maybe this is too open a question with love being something that is not straightforward to define , while sex is much more straight forward despite being more than just the 'act' itself.

Love and Sex together?

Is Love Important to you when it comes to Sex?

See results

Important to me

In my life I have had sex while in love and I have had sex when not in love. To me the difference is night and day. Thankfully I am very much in love with my wife whom I enjoy a great sex life with (when life doesn't get in the way) When we bond both physically and mentally in an experience that is more than just the lusts of the flesh which I too have experienced which at times were lubricated with alcohol.

While we live in an age which is often fuelled by capitalism, sex is something that can be used in many ways i.e. to sell things, to get you something you want and something which sells at a good price.

Lust is something that drives us and grips us yet love is something that completes us and gives us the feeling of tranquility. For me I feel both within myself, but I know what is more important. Which is a far more selfish feeling and which is harmonious within ourselves with others and everything around us.

Do what is best for you, do what is best for everyone around you. Many people are exploited many people exploit.

Peace and love


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago


      Ultimately what I am saying is most people don't marry for sex.

      Anyone who has had a wide array of sexual partners has probably been with someone who was "mind blowing" in bed BUT they had so many other shortcomings that kept them from being that person's ideal mate.

      Nevertheless this does not mean they aren't "mentally in sync" with the person they do eventually marry. In fact they may share the same values and want the same things for a marriage. Where as it's possible to have had a great lover who routinely cheated or didn't want what they wanted.

      It's also important to note sexuality desire and frequency tends to change with age. A woman in her 40s or 50s having gone through menopause oftentimes loses their desire to have sex. I would imagine most "sexless marriages" involve middle aged couples as oppose to those in their 20s and 30s. A person in that age group can't imagine being 50 or 60.

      Lastly my statement about never hearing women say: "I wore his ass out" was my (personal observation) and not a stereotypical statement.

      In fact I believe one of the main reasons a lot of men enjoy going to strip clubs and watching porn is because the women in those venues behave as if they "crave men" or can't get enough while many of these men's wives or girlfriends act as if sex is a reward/punishment tool to control their relationships. Essentially these guys are buying into a fantasy of how they (wish women would treat them) and want to see a variety of nude women.

      One man's opinion!:)

    • Stuart McIntyre profile imageAUTHOR

      Stuart McIntyre 

      2 years ago

      dashingscorpio I assumed it was obvious I was talking about romantic love, especially when I was talking about sex.

      I have to agree with you about the opposite of love being 'indifference' although when it comes to sex, they are possibly opposite in terms of feelings towards why you have sex.

      You may have a reliable source to claim that in most marriages they are not having the best sex they have had as realistically sex is a mental thing (aside from the physical act) If you have married someone who you are not mentally 'in synch' with, my question to that would be why?

      Saying that you never hear a woman saying 'I wore his ass out' is a stereotypical statement. I do have female friends who have said almost exactly that.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      There are various types of love including parental, sibling, extended family, friendship, and romantic. It's our sexual desire that separates romantic love from all the other loves.

      If you take sex out of the equation in a marriage essentially you roommates with the same last name or basically a platonic friendship. There is no such thing as being "exclusive friends". Unless a couple has (agreed) to be abstain from sex then the odds are one of them is probably "unhappy" that they're not having sex.

      I believe the opposite of love is "indifference". You could care less!

      Love is an emotion of attachment and (caring) about someone else's welfare.

      Lust is simply an indiscriminate (urge).

      If two people have "chemistry" they can have mind blowing sex without being "in love". In fact in most marriages it's rare that one's spouse is the greatest lover they have ever had.

      That's because when it comes to marriage and relationships most people are looking for something (more than great sex) to build a life with.

      Nevertheless committed and married couples can have wonderful sex lives. However if someone has had multiple lovers prior to settling down odds are they came across a person who "rocked their world" in the past but for various {other reasons} they did not make an ideal couple.

      Men are often accused of being "selfish" but the fact some women feel the need to "fake orgasms" is proof that men get off on the belief of satisfying women!

      You never a woman bragging to her friends about how she turned a guy out last night! or saying things like; "I wore his ass out!"

      The average male ego demands to be considered a "super stud" by the women he has sex with. If they didn't care there'd be no need for women to fake it whether in a relationship or not.

      Having said that if a guy is (paying for sex) as oppose to having a one night stand, booty call, or friends with benefits...he might be there only to be serviced. Whenever you pay for something you are the customer.


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