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How to recover from a break up
The First Hurdle
Like the marathon that is 'Life', the first meaningful break up will face you with the immovable 'wall'. An obstacle seemingly impassable at first, but as time progresses, brick-by-brick, the wall crumbles away to reveal the light on the other side.
Now, every single human-being on earth reacts differently to a break up.
Some cry for weeks alongside the 'Deadly Duo': Ice cream and alcohol.
Some blame the world and get into trouble or dangerous situations.
Some end up taking their own lives.
Though the first example can be stereotypically humorous, the following examples show the potential damage that a break-up can cause.
For these reasons, the people seeking guidance need to find the right advice to hold their hand through this desolate period time.
I am here for you. Though I do not know you nor will I likely ever know you. Know that I am here solely for you.
The First Step in the Right Direction
The feelings you feel are entirely natural.
Sorrow, anger, grief, confusion.
These, like all emotions feel awful at the time, but all pass with time.
I have been through a vast array of these kinds of emotions over the years and stand as a living testament that they can all be overcome.
The light is waiting just on the other side.
What happened to you?
Were you left without an explanation?
Were you cheated on?
Were you pushing your partner away?
Did you have an affair which lead to the break up?
No matter the situation, I will be covering every single scenario and if I miss one out leave a comment explaining your struggles and I will do an exclusive post for you.
The long road ahead.
How long will it take to heal?
Each individual will experience different pathways when breaking up with their partner.
The journey to recovery may be a long and difficult one if say you have just come out of a 3-4 year relationship.
On the other hand, a relationship under a year will often present a swifter recovery time.
As obvious as these two sentences seem, they can be entirely wrong in many cases.
In numerous cases, two people can form an strong emotional bond in the space of a night let alone months or years. Severing that bond leaves scars on both sides.
To aid your progress following a break-up, here are a few tips just to warm you up for the upcoming posts:
An occupied mind eases the pain.
Have you ever noticed that the busier you are, the less focused you are on any of your worries, aches, pains and everyday feelings that you would normally be fully aware of? This process functions the exact same when suffering from a broken heart.
Sitting in your room wallowing in sorrow and grief only amplifies the painful feelings. Instead, get outside, get busy. Wash up, tidy up, listen to music, sing in the shower, go for a run, go out with your friends, go travelling. In getting lost you will often find yourself.
All these examples will help you get over him/her in half the time with half the pain I can assure you.
Going back to them repeatedly is a bad cycle
In life couples break-up some times. Whether it is due to an argument, difference of opinion or something entirely different. In these cases the break-up normally lasts about a week or two and the flames are rekindled. Because face it, the flames never really went out.
In some relationships, these small break-ups can become a pattern. A vicious cycle.
What does this tell you?
Something is wrong and is either not being resolved or it simply cannot be fixed. Following this pattern will only prolong the healing process when the break-up finally becomes permanent. For this reason, cut this pattern out entirely as soon as possible or suffer the consequences of your lack of action/willpower.
Don't copy, cut or paste. Just delete and erase.
Keeping pictures, phone numbers, social media friendships, clothing, property or souvenirs of your ex-partner will only reopen your wounded heart each time you see them.
Do not retain anything of there existence.
Rather than save your 'couple' pictures into a secret folder that you know you're going to look at again and again, just delete them. Holding on to these false hopes and stabbing memories will only upset you more everyday.
You are Strong. You are Independent. You are Powerful.
You can get through this.
You have a heart of elastic. It will always come back to you.
Below is a simple poll to see what the most common break-up circumstances are so that I can adjust the content of my posts to suit your needs.
It is completely anonymous so fear not.
What kind of break-up are you going through?
What kind of break-up are you going through?
Bridges broken. New ones rebuilt in their place.
Love Lost. Love Found.
After a break-up many people go through the same thought process.
I'm never going to find someone as good as them.
I'm never going to find love again.
I'm never going to have what I had with them.
These thoughts circulate over and over again, as though they're trapped, desperate to escape our minds.
That's because they are.
These thoughts are often automatically placed in your head as a form of survival instinct. By clinging to the one you relied upon and placed your faith in, safety and happiness surely will surround you...Not always the case.
As the picture above suggests, this event in your life can be seen from two opposing perspectives.
It can be seen in the same way as mentioned just above.
Or it can be seen as a positive.
Yes, your relationship may have crumbled, but as the phoenix rises from the ashes, a new relationship can be resurrected from lessons you learned from your past experiences.
Thinking of break-ups as complex and emotional learning curves will form stable, secure and thoughtful foundations to base your next relationship upon.
A relationship built upon shifting sand will inevitably sink and fail.
A relationship built upon such solid foundations - utilising the lessons of your past - will hold strong and likely be the most beautiful and luxurious experience of your life.
Learning from previous mistakes only prepares us for avoiding them in the future.
Find that solid foundation in your life and build upon it with pride and dignity.