- Gender and Relationships
Love Me, Love Me Not?
“I’m in love with you”—five words that most of us long to hear, especially coming from someone that we like and have been dating for a while.
If someone says, “I’m in love with you” too soon, is it real? In all reality, who doesn’t like the feeling of being smitten when you have found the person that makes you smile from ear-to-ear? Love is a feeling that warms the heart and makes you want to shout from the roof top like Buddy (Will Ferrell) in the movie Elf, “I’m in love, I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it….”
When you’re in love, nothing seems wrong in the world; someone cuts you off when driving—instead of getting upset—you let it go. You see two people holding hands or kissing, instead of rolling your eyes you’re happy for them. Someone is rude to you when you’re out shopping, instead of giving them a dirty look, you smile. Most of us have been there when love is in the air; cupid has shot his wonderful arrow and you have been perfectly love-hit. In this love world the grass is greener and rainbows seem to appear even without prior rain. So why doesn’t this feeling always last?
If you have moved on to stage two—genuine unconditional love—this is when the love goggles come off; you know their habits, the good and the bad qualities, things that are annoying, but don’t exceed what you like about them. You actually love this person. Getting past the honeymoon-love-goggle-stage is and staying together is huge step. But for some, it’s hard.
Love is a strong word and sometimes it is used too lightly. Can you really love someone you barely know? I found in my life, when someone I’m dating tells me they love me after a day or even a few weeks, it’s not because they love me. They love the idea of me. How can someone truly love me if they don’t know me?
It’s natural to want to be loved and be in love. Unfortunately our need for love can be overwhelming that we forget to ask ourselves, “Can someone be in-love with me that doesn’t know me?” When we don’t check in, there is a great potential to get hurt. Crying to our friends, “but he/she told me that they loved me on our second date…what happened?”
What that person loved, was the idea of you which is usually formed from the outside physical attraction they have toward you. To fully love and be, “in love”, it’s important to completely know the person; their habits, political views, religious views, financial views, etc... All the icky things no one wants to talk about before they decide to tell you, they love you.
When someone realizes that your views, opinions, beliefs, and/or your overall personality doesn’t match with theirs; they question, “Is this true love?” HMMMM….not a surprise!
I do believe that—although rare—love at first sight can exist. However, rushing into “love” is superficial, it won’t last. If you immediately believe that you love the person you just met, spend quality time getting to know them first—before regurgitating your feelings. If you find yourself holding a flower playing a game of “Love Me, Love Me Not,” be confident that you love them before you pick that last petal.