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Loved to Death

Updated on April 24, 2013
There is never an excuse for domestic violence.
There is never an excuse for domestic violence. | Source

He was loving her to death.

She sat there quietly crying, trying to not upset him again. Everyday it was the same story. No matter what she did it was not right. If she didn't do something, he thought she should have done it. How could she be so dumb. All she wanted to do was make him happy. She loved him. He loved her, she knew he did because he would tell he as he was beating her. She made him do it, he didn't want to. She made him do it, it was all her fault. Afterwards he would cry, beg her to forgive him, and promise it would never happen again. But it always did.

It's a sad part of life but 22 to 25 percent of all women experience domestic violence and 7 to 9 percent of all men. Yes, men are also victims of spousal abuse. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's mental or verbal, and sometimes it's both.

Because she loved him, because she was terrified of him, because she had no where else to go, she always forgave him. At least she said she did. She had to, she had no choice. If she didn't he might hurt her worse.

Unfortunately he was going to hurt her worse anyway. If he followed the route of the normal abuser the hurt and pain would become worse, much worse.

Why does he do this to me? I do everything I can to please him. Whatever he wants I do without question. When is this going to end?

Unfortunately for some it only ends in death. On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day.

I'm really hurt this time. I can't move, I can hardly breath. God, please help me.


Some Shocking Domestic Abuse Statistics

  • Most domestic abuse violence is never reported.
  • Battering tends to increase and become more violent over time.
  • Every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten.
  • There are 1,500 shelters for battered women in the US.
  • About 2 out of every 5 of all domestic violence victims are men.
  • 25 to 45% of women battered are battered during pregnancy.
  • 90% of battered women report that their children were present while they were beaten.
  • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury of woman.
  • Over 70% of women injured in domestic violence cases are injured after seperation.
  • 25 to 30% of adolescent relationships are abusive.
  • Women ages 20 to 24 areare at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
  • Every day more than 3 women are murdered by their husband or boyfriend.
  • More than 60% of domestic violence occurs at home.
  • About 25% of the homeless or head of household in the city of New York were the victim of domestic violence.

Women aren't the only victims of domestic abuse.
Women aren't the only victims of domestic abuse. | Source

Types of Domestic Violence

Physical

  • shoving
  • kicking
  • hitting
  • pushing
  • slapping
  • scratching
  • burning
  • choking
  • cutting
  • hitting with object
  • hitting
  • hair pulling
  • punching
  • shaking
  • restraining

Emotional or Psychological

  • keeping victim from friends and family
  • name calling
  • yelling
  • threats
  • name-calling
  • humiliation
  • coercion
  • humiliation
  • playing mind games
  • constant criticism
  • stalking
  • undermining victims self-esteem
  • controlling what victim can or cannot do
  • threatening to kill victim
  • threatening to commit suicide
  • threatening to take the kids away
  • destruction of victim's property
  • interrogating family
  • threatening to harm pet
  • blaming victim for abuse

Sexual

  • pressure victim to have sex
  • interfering with birth control
  • attacks of sexual areas of body
  • forced prostitution
  • forced sex
  • rape

Economic

  • making victim financially dependent
  • Not allowing victim to work
  • holding the purse strings
  • making victim account for every penny spent
  • controlling finances
  • not allowing victim access to money
  • withholding food

If you are being abused or know someone who is, please get help.
If you are being abused or know someone who is, please get help. | Source

Help for Domestic Violence Victim

Calling the police is one of the options for obtaining help. Many victims don't use this option because of the fear of retaliation of their abuser.

An Order of Protection is also an option. It is ordered by a judge to try to keep your abuser away from you and to control his behavior. When you have an Order of Protection the police tend to take your calls more seriously and your abuser can be arrested if her violates the order.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-787-SAFE or 7233) will help a victim plan a safe escape from his or her abuser.

Safe Horizon (1-800-621-HOPE or 4673) is the largest provided of domestic violence services in the US for men and women. They provides crisis counseling, safety planning, assistance with finding shelter, referrals to Safe Horizon programs or other organizations, advocacy with the police, and other crucial services.

Comments

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    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      PegCole17, the self-talk in these situations is usually a denial. These women don't want to accept that someone hey love so much is willing to hurt them. Unfortunately they can't be helped until they are ready to be helped.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Much of this is familiar in an eerie sort of way. The belief that the partner is going to change or that they will keep their promise never to hit again is generally self deceit. You've so perfectly described the self-talk that accompanies this sort of denial. Such a shame that the behavior is so prevalent and goes unreported.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      aviannovice, it is very difficult to free yourself. The fear of reprisal, in many cases well founded, is the biggest reason.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      kashmir56, thank you. It 's a hard situation to get out of. I hope it has helped someone.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      DDE, domestic abuse is one of those things that many want swept under the carpet.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      drbj, thank you. It is unfortunate how prevelent domestic abuse is.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      always exploring, unortunately an abuser doesn't need a good reason to hurt his victim.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 

      5 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      It's hard to break a battered person from this, as their fears are just so intense. Many times, and abuser will look for them, even if they go out of the state. It has been a very real problem for decades.

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 

      5 years ago from Massachusetts

      Very useful information for those stuck in this type of relationship . Well done and researched !

      Vote up and more !!!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Abuse on woman is becoming a common problem in most parts of the world and you are so correct about those cases not spoken of.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      Domestic abuse is more prevalent than most people know. You have performed a genuine public service, KK Gals, by publishing this information and bringing it to the attention of more readers.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      The picture of the woman who gave birth to a little girl instead of a boy is heartbreaking. Abuse of any kind is deplorable. GREAT hub..Thank you..

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Hazelton 

      5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      tnderhrt23, I've been there also. You are right, education is the key.

    • tnderhrt23 profile image

      tnderhrt23 

      5 years ago

      Very informative, well written Hub! I have been here and done this, education is the key. Good job!

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