Low Stress Relationships
Here are a few techniques you can use to make your relationships thrive and maybe even get better.
When you listen with sensitivity to the speaker’s thoughts, without thinking about what you will say after the person stops talking, you are better able to tell what underlying issue with which the individual is dealing .
By listening actively, you’re better able to understand that individual’s perspective and concerns, and can then respond by honestly expressing your feelings in a caring way.
Complimenting people lets people know you’ve noticed them. Give out at least one compliment a day for something such as a job well done, a suggestion at a meeting, or even noticing a person’s new suit or hairstyle brings benefits and creates positive vibes.
It really gives a child a feeling of pride and of being loved if you compliment them on something they’ve done during the day, before they go to bed. It is also a great way to end the day on a positive note and create positive dreams and peaceful sleep.
Don’t assume you know what someone means or what they are thinking or talking about. Ask for their thoughts and opinions and it will show them you value their opinions and thoughts. Don’t restrict your questions to the workplace, ask your coworkers about their outside lives too.
In the same manner, don’t restrict your questions to asking your child what homework they have to do that day. Change it around and ask something you might ask a good friend, such as, what did you do today that was new and you found interesting? Did you make any new friends today? It could turn into a game of some sort between you and your child each day.
For example you could think of 5 or 6 generic questions. Each day each of you could ask this question of the other one. One question might be: “What one thing did you have the most fun doing today?” That way each of you could share your day in a positive way. Another question you might use “what one thing did you do today that you really wish you could have done for a longer time, and why?” But don't rely on me, USE YOUR IMAGINATION!
Be clear in expressing your limits. This may mean scheduling your time for interactions with others, setting specific hours for phone calls or conversations, or shutting your door, if you have one, when you need to concentrate. As a parent, it’s hard to set boundaries between yourselfyou’re your children, because you feel responsible for your child’s actions and legally you are when they are young. The bond between mother and child is close, but a boundary needs to be started between yours and theirs when a child is relatively young and starts showing independence.
By slowly developing this boundary between yours and theirs, it encourages the child to take responsibility for themselves and their actions, they are encouraged to become more proficient in making their own decisions when they successfully make minor personal decisions on their own, without your specific input. For example, you may give a child two or three outfits they can choose to wear for the day. That is your part in the activity, because after that, it is their decision what they wear.
It’s true that you will lose control over their environment and over them because you give them this independence, but they will grow strong and will be able to care for themselves too, a very valuable virtue in this world. They may also initially resent that they cannot depend on you to decide what they should wear or what they should do, but this too will pass. Your guidance is most valued. All of this is part of Love.
If you’re a supervisor, you’ll build trust, encourage cooperation, get a lot more work done by delegating appropriate tasks to others and if you see other coworkers who are swamped with work, offer to help.
If you’re a parent you also build trust by delegation of chores and trusting the chore is done, at least initially. It may take more effort with children, but it’s the same basic principle, training them to take responsibility for their actions and their environment.
Smile at people when you speak
Smiles and courtesy keep communication flowing freely in any environment, even when you are bringing bad news or criticism to the table. However, while smiling and being courteous, express your feelings honestly and don’t gloss over what needs to be said. This can be difficult with children, because they don’t understand that a smile can come with bad news, so this may take a more gentle form of communication, perhaps empathy would be more effective for bad news, presenting your perspective of understanding the sadness.
Admit if you are wrong
honestly admit when you are wrong, coworkers and your children will trust you
more and will be more willing to admit when they are wrong. Your coworkers will know you’re being honest
and fair and will be more willing to share information with you. Your children will accept that you are a
human being and also can make mistakes like everyone and will be more willing
to work with you than when you imply to them that you are invincible or never
Whether you give a coworker a gift for a good job, or just say ‘thanks for helping,’ showing appreciation lets others know you recognize their contributions. Everyone loves to get a pat-on-the-back for a job well done or a thank you for helping.
Even a loving smile shows a
child that you appreciate them. Put a
note in their school lunch telling them you love them and miss them, or give
them an extra little treat with a note that says “think of me when you eat this
chocolate” or something other favorite treat.
Moving from a high-stress lifestyle to a low-stress lifestyle is not easy! Using your resources can help you make the transition. It takes a lot of effort over a long time to move from a high-stress to a low-stress lifestyle, since you may have to change some of your attitudes and the way you react to some situations.
Your family and friends can be
strong supporters as you begin to assess your stress and modify your attitudes
and behaviors. Find appropriate
times—such as after lunch/dinner or while taking a walk—to tell them your concerns,
if you have any related to them. Talk to them about concerns you may hold related to your stressful life style and ask them what they do to fight stress...you never know.
You can regularly schedule enjoyable activities involving family and friends to encourage your low-stress lifestyle. It wouldn't hurt to tell your family and friends what you're up to, so they will not wonder why you are acting different and start asking questions. Maybe get that out of the way early through email.