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Loyalty versus Lineage

Updated on May 27, 2016

Depending on your place in the family; being the daughter- whether the oldest or the only- could bear a lot of weight on the ability to have a healthy relationship. This could be in the household or any other relationships you may have.

Growing up, I was considered aggressive, mean, stubborn, anything related to doing my own thing; it would suffice. As I got older, I became the relative that everyone expected to get so far in life based on this unquenchable motivation. I was also, the surrogate parent (the oldest), the confidant, the psychologist, the experimental platform. My feelings and emotions were all but disregarded at the expense of family around me.

It wasn't until I went off to college and had to depend on myself; that I was able to realize that I was a lot of the things that I was called as a child, but because of this personality I was able to sustain and survive my life as a single, young woman. But it took meeting "him" to realize that I was sensitive, could be very feminine, and as much as I hate to verbally admit; I love being in love.

However, it wasn't until I took "him" home, did I realize that my individual happiness would be a struggle. That there could be so much direct negativity from the first ones who taught me unconditional love? Was my occupation as the family glue, that weak, that there could be no substitution or upgrade? At what point is the boundary crossed between slavery and caring?

Even though my family wouldn't be so blatant as to attempt to arrange a marriage; is there a huge difference in a mental arrangement? Is there a way to balance the scale?

My Take

Family will always be family; no matter what. Even if they are angry or stop communicating with you; it doesn't change the part that they have played in your life. Parents should allow their children to grow, even if failure happens. But someone who really wants to be with you; I believe will see your struggle, and try and positively support you through this fight for balance.

Sometimes there has to be a choice made. In my case, I had to choose my own path; hoping that one day my family will indulge and make the journey to discover my happy place.

Do you believe there is a way to make both sides happy?

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