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Maintaining a Restored Marriage

Updated on April 12, 2009

Staying on Track After Your Marriage is Restored

I wrote previously on healing a broken marriage. As important as it is to work towards repairing a marriage that is broken, it is just as important to maintain the marriage once it is restored. I was reading an article once where Toyota was talking about how people buy their cars so that they can have quality and great gas mileage. However, those people do not keep the car maintained, so those benefits are never realized. If you buy a quality car with high gas mileage you have to keep the oil changed, filters changed, etc. in order for the car to run as it was built to run. Too, in marriage you can put a lot of hard work into getting your marriage back to where it needs to be, but if you don't put the necessary effort into keeping the marriage on the right path, then it will just fall apart again. Here, I want to give you some practical advice on how to maintain a marriage that is now restored.

1. Don't back down

It is easy to coast in the marriage relationship after putting so much effort into repairing the relationship. You may feel emotionally exhausted after spending so much energy into getting the marriage on track. Some will find momentum in the process of restoring the marriage, but many tend to let down after things have turned around. We can live in a dream land and believe that if we truly love each other, then things will come naturally, but this simply isn't true. There are so many negative influences in this world that seek to destroy your marriage, so maintaining the marriage once it is restored will still require effort on the part of both people.

2. Remember what you learned

In the healing process of marriage you learned many valuable principles. You learned to spend uninterrupted time together, that both of you should contribute to the daily duties of the family, and many other important lessons. Continue to develop these in the now restored marriage. Working together makes the load of daily life easier and enables you to grow closer to each other as you work together in life.

3. Be there for each other

You will still have struggles in your marriage. Everyone has struggles in their marriage no matter how strong that relationship may be. You are going to have good days and bad days. In the bad days, be there for each other. In the good days, praise each other. One of the contributing factors in a failed marriage is that couples tend to distance themselves from each other. You attack each other. So, in a healthy marriage you will need to back each other up, lifting the other person up when they are down.

Ideas for keeping the marriage healthy

Go on an occasional date

Take a walk together

Spend time talking after the kids go to bed- maybe by candle light and soft music

Speak encouraging word to each other

Remain transparent with each other

Keep building on the lessons you have learned

Help other couples whose marriage is in trouble

Do chores together

4. Remember where you came from

As time passes it can be easy to forget where the marriage used to be. Try to fight the urge to take things for granted. Take time to remember where you came from, taking time to renew your commitment to each other. This may happen on a date or simply taking time to talk to each other after the kids have gone to bed.

Too, when you see that you are beginning to slip back to the old ways, don't be afraid to blow the whistle and quickly get things back on track.

5. Have fun

With all the work it can take to maintain a healthy marriage, don't forget to let loose with each other and have fun. There are days when I am so stressed from the day that my wife jokes around with me and I end up taking it personally. She tells me to loosen up. It is easy to get lost in the demands of life and forget to laugh. Remember that you are not just married to each other, but are best friends for life. Laugh and have fun as you journey through life together.

 Maintaining a marriage is easier than repairing a broken marriage. You both are now on the same page. However, you can't go on auto pilot. You have to still put the necessary effort into keeping the marriage strong. The good thing is that you now have each other for support. Now that your marriage is healthy, work to keep it that way, and your life will truly be blessed.


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