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How to Heal a Broken Heart

Updated on December 10, 2015
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Healing a broken heart isn't as easy as putting a temporary bandage on it.  You really need to dig deep inside and deal with the issues of the past.
Healing a broken heart isn't as easy as putting a temporary bandage on it. You really need to dig deep inside and deal with the issues of the past. | Source

Healing from a broken heart is a lot like recovering from surgery

Not only does your body hurt emotionally, but the stress you feel can bring about physical illness as well. The ending of a bad relationship can evoke many frightening emotions that prevent us from fully starting a new romance. We all put up walls to protect ourselves, which causes us to shut people out from loving us. This can create trouble in a relationship and prevent it from thriving in a healthy manner. Loving again after heartache is at times difficult, but definitely not impossible, especially if you truly love your new partner. Here are some tips for getting past the heartache and opening yourself up to a new relationship that has the potential to offer you a lifetime of happiness.


Sometimes putting it all on paper, where it can be visually seen, can help get it all out and move past the hurt.
Sometimes putting it all on paper, where it can be visually seen, can help get it all out and move past the hurt. | Source

Decide what it is about past relationships that have hurt you

Make a list, if it helps, for you to determine what things previously went wrong. Recognize what was done to you by former loves and know that it was not your fault. Figure out what mistakes you may have made, if any, so that you can vow to change things in your new relationship. Realize that what was done to you cannot be undone, but can be healed only by you and understanding that you have grown and changed from those previous relationships. Pulling out the feelings and putting them down on paper can help to relieve the hurt you feel. Once you have dealt with the emotions, put the list away and find closure as you file it as gone.

Don't assume all relationships will be the same after you've been hurt.  Give each new person a chance before condemning them.
Don't assume all relationships will be the same after you've been hurt. Give each new person a chance before condemning them. | Source

Give your new relationship a chance

A new love means a new start. Try to let go of the pain and realize that not all relationships are the same. No two people will be alike in a relationship and what happened to you before is not likely to happen again. Also, you have good knowledge now of what it's like to be hurt, use this to keep yourself on guard, but not to the point that you shut your new partner out. Slowly open yourself as much as possible, day by day, until you feel comfortable letting your partner in. Give your new partner a chance, but only give as much as you can without fear. As you get more and more into the relationship, you'll be able to trust and feel comfortable. This will help you to move on from the hurt and break down emotional walls that prevent you from being truly happy.

Expressing your painful feelings to a new partner it's always easy, but it's one of the best ways to overcome past heartache and help your new partner to understand where you're coming from.
Expressing your painful feelings to a new partner it's always easy, but it's one of the best ways to overcome past heartache and help your new partner to understand where you're coming from. | Source

Talk to your new partner about your fears

Sometimes the best way to make a relationship work when you've been hurt before is to talk about that fear. This doesn't mean your opening yourself up for heartache. It merely means you're accepting that you are scared and need to deal with those emotions in a healthy way. If your partner is loving, he will listen and understand. Tell him how you've been hurt before and how that makes you feel. Help him to help you by letting him know what he can do to calm your fears. Most caring partners want the other to be happy and are willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship stronger. If you have trouble with feeling vulnerable, let your emotions out a little at a time, but keep the lines of communication open. You'll feel so much better if you just get your fears out.

We all need someone to talk to and when you just can't get beyond the hurt on your own, talking to a counselor can really put things into perspective.
We all need someone to talk to and when you just can't get beyond the hurt on your own, talking to a counselor can really put things into perspective. | Source

Talk to a counselor or close friend about your fear of being hurt

Sometimes we are not able to deal with past relationship pain on our own and need someone objective to talk to. This also helps if you find it hard to talk to your new partner. Tell someone you trust how you are feeling about this new relationship in comparison to your old ones. Let out your fears and explain what it is you are scared of. Be honest so that you can finally close old chapters in your life and open up new ones. People outside of us can usually see things that we are unable to recognize and can help us to deal with issues better than we can alone. You may find that you come up with some great ideas for healing from prior hurt and how to make your new relationship thrive freely from the pain.

You may feel a whirlwind of emotions: hurt, pain, fear...but taking this out on a new partner will only cause more of these awful emotions and force a wedge between you and your new love.
You may feel a whirlwind of emotions: hurt, pain, fear...but taking this out on a new partner will only cause more of these awful emotions and force a wedge between you and your new love. | Source

Avoid taking out your fears on the new partner

Even if you are still bitter, you should not hurt the new person you are with just because you were hurt in the past. Your new partner only deserves the best if he is good to you and playing games, hurting him with words, or misbehaving in the relationship will make it fall apart. Try to be objective and recognize that you are in a new place and time. If you find it difficult to play fair in the relationship, you may need more time alone. However, you should discuss your actions with your new partner so that he can either try to help you or make a decision about what he wants to do. Two wrongs do not make a right so treating someone else disrespectfully is not the way to go about things. The last thing you want to do is hurt someone new because you were hurt in the past.

How relationship ready are you right now? Take the quiz below to find out. After completing the love quiz, you'll be scored based on a percentage of how ready you are to love and be loved again and be offered advice on how to open up.
How relationship ready are you right now? Take the quiz below to find out. After completing the love quiz, you'll be scored based on a percentage of how ready you are to love and be loved again and be offered advice on how to open up. | Source

Take the Love Quiz: 10 Questions to Decipher If You're Relationship Ready Again


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Healing From a Break Up So You Can Move On

How Have You Overcome a Broken Heart?

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      Suman singh2106 9 months ago

      I am in a relationship or say may be a complex relationship which no body could understand or may criticize but I wanted to admit it somewhere because I can't share it with anyone. I love a guy who is also my relative or say he is like uncle from relation but far away type relative not exactly my own. We know each other from last 3 years and even we use to talk daily from the day when we met during small family meet. That time he had a gf which I was not knowing and I had a bf which he wasn't knowing. We use to treat each other as friend and share almost every thing which we an at least me. Then 1 year passed away and I went through breakup then after 3 months of my breakup may be we met again in my cousin's marriage and coincidentally we slept close to each other. We kissed each other and from that night very thing got changed. I felt bad as if what I did and I tried talking him and resolving or say closing this matter because I don't know about him but I didn't wanted any relationships further and that too of this kind I never wanted. But when I spoke to him he said he felt good and I don't know what happened to me I didn't denied him but still I wasn't feeling good.But since it was marriage day so I left this matter and tried concentrating on the function. Well function over we both came back to our respective place but after those day we started talking about everything like this 1 month passed and I felt that may be wanted to move on with hima nd that time also even I wasn't knowing about his gf. He also use to talk in romantic way so I mistaken it and took it as love because I don't believe in going close to somebody without love. I proposed him but he didn't replied, I thought may because of our family even I didn't forced hi. But we kept talking and then after 2 months we met in delhi and came physically more close but still I wasn't knowing about his love life. He wanted to marry her but kept me as backup because he don't wanted to be alone. I wasn't known to this.Then he started ignoring me and like this another 4-5 months went. Then suddenly he started talking me. I even felt like doubt that why its happening, why he suddenly started talking me so much, giving so much importance to me but he didn't inquired more on this and accepted. Now he use say love u so many times. I felt like I am so lucky. Then when we went to home I came to know about his actual face as why he started giving so much importance to me. It was all to heal his own pain.but I gave him another chance and from that time its now 2 years passed and still I am suffering a lot. Now we had sex so many times. I try to take his care in all small things but all these things hardly matters for him. Now we never talk, we don't even discuss on anything. If we fight he leaves me alone and on weekends only he use to call me and just i go to his place and if we get a chance we use to sleep together that's it. Till now I can't access his fb, gmail and even phone because he his having his past memories saved there. I says to me to don't run behind those things and even he don't care whats going in my life. I became pshyco now and violent too but he don't cares.He himself said that i am pshyco. i tried so may times to talk with him on this matter but just simply ignores me all the time. I want to come out of this anyhow but I don't know how to come out. May in this kind of relationship there is no place for love but I really loved him from the bottom of my heart and still I love him, but I know he don't. He just says that he loves me but he makes me cry every alternate day because of her. He feel very inferiority complex and lack of self confidence in me.I want some reply on this whatever negative or positive but I want you all to give ur 10 mins and to think about this and pls do give me reply. Your response will be a great help for him.I really want to discuss this with me because I don't want to become completely mad.Thanks

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      Kim 17 months ago

      It's been almost 20 years I still haven't gotten over it and it's hard to move on life because that one person is with some one else and not you it breaks your heart even more when you cant accept it and move on with your life

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      JoJoStar25 5 years ago

      Been two years and i still haven't got over it.

      I hate to admit i may never accept and move on from it.