Male Domestic Gods | A Guide To Housework For Men
It has come to my attention that many men, upon cohabiting with a woman, find themselves struck down with a curious amnesia that causes them to forget how to perform basic household chores. Even after living alone for years and performing household duties for themselves, many men are struck down with this debilitating condition after just a few weeks of living with a female partner. This hub is designed to help them find their inner domestic god and help the lady in their lives with housework.
(Find this sexist? Maybe it is. I am sure that there are some men who do most of the cleaning in their houses, it has just been my personal experience that even the most otherwise enlightened men tend to leave the housework to the women in their lives. If you don't fit into this category, pat yourself on the back. If you do, read and learn.)
Wet Clothing and Towels Don't Go On The Carpet.
Here's a simple flow chart for you. I made it myself. Note that this concerns clothing only, not pets or small children. Small children should never be put in the laundry. Note also, the way that it is advocated that you wash wet clothing immediately. Leaving soaking wet clothes (like swimsuits) sitting around is a surefire way to make all your laundry smell like mold.
Dishes Are Not A War of Attrition
If there are a few dishes next to the sink, make sure they are all rinsed. If there are several dishes, wash them. It is not acceptable to play the waiting game until your female partner does the dishes out of a desire not to be the first person to catch cholera in a civilized nation in decades.
Washing Needs To Be Hung Up
If you put a load of laundry on, you've done well. But you're not done yet. You need to hang it out when it is done. Washing laundry and not telling anyone you did it and forgetting to hang it out is a sin worse than never having washed it in the first place. Why? I refer you to the first section, where we talk about that musty smell wet clothes have.
You Need To Change Your Socks and Underwear Every Day.
Every. Day. No exceptions. Even if they don't look dirty. Change them. Change them!
Showers, Toilets And Bathroom Surfaces Don't Clean Themselves
Wipe 'em down occasionally. It stops the growth of fuzzy things with long latin names. Do NOT use the sponge from the kitchen to do this. Also, the brush next to the toilet can be used in conjunction with the funny looking bottle to create crystal white freshness in the bowl beyond.
The Carpet Isn't Gray
Probably. Unless it is. If you notice that your carpet is greying at the edges, that means you need to vacuum it. Many men enjoy vacuuming, including Dog, the Bounty Hunter. Vacuuming is a manly thing to do.
There's more, but this is probably a good place to end this introductory course. Do at least two of these activities every day, and observe the way the woman in your life becomes noticeably less tense and resentful. And yes, you still have to do it even if she doesn't ask you. You are a man, not her child.