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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Male Virginity, the Expendable Virtue?
Just the other day I was seeing a court battle on TV, where the claimant, a twenty one year male was suing a young woman for not only giving him a venereal disease, but also stealing his virginity.
He was the victim of an underhanded scheme that began with a class project at one of his classes at the University he was attending. He was assigned a certain young woman as a partner for this class project. It turns out she invited him to party in which she served drinks. He only had a little bit to drink, and apparently she had slipped an aphrodisiac into his drink and while he was in an intoxicated state she used pornography to entice him into sexual activity. It turned out that this young man woke up with his class project partner and two other students, who were obvious participants in the previous night's activities. Two months later this young man also discovered that he contracted Herpes. He then went to this televised court to recover the cost of his medical treatments.
What we have here is a young man who wanted to abstain till marriage because of his religious beliefs, plus he had the hopes of making his wife the one with whom he would share his first time with. Then through no fault of his own he had become the unwilling participant in an orgy and to make matter worse had contracted a venereal disease to remind him of this experience for the rest of his life.
The young woman’s reason for violating this young man’s trust was that his sister wanted him to become sexually active because she thought he might be gay, simply because he didn’t go to clubs and abstained from sex. However, Her main motivation was simply that she wanted to have sex with a virgin male. She treated him like the flavor of the week instead of a human being with aspirations, ideals and the right to want his first sexual encounter to be special.
This whole situation makes me ask one question. Why do we regard male virginity with such hostility? If a woman chooses to be chaste even in our modern times, people don’t treat her with disdain, but if a man wants to abstain till marriage he is the subject of suspicion and ridicule. People often come to false conclusions like this man’s sister did. His sister never could claim or had any proof that he had any male lovers, only that he didn’t want to go to clubs and that he abstained from sexual activity. If he was indeed gay wouldn’t he had gone to clubs in order to meet up with other men? He also stated throughout the program that he wasn't gay. There was no real basis for his sister’s conclusions. To make matters worse, not only did she come to wrong conclusions but she also acted on them by plotting with this other woman on a way to rid this young man of his expendable virtue. Why should a man be belittled for simply following his convictions?
The Bible supports abstinence for both men and women. It says in 1Corinthian 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. It also says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
As you can see the Bible not only supports but also demands sexual abstinence till marriage for both men and women, there is no double standard and the commandment is very clear in regards to this matter. Than why is male virginity treated with such contempt. Why can’t a man seek purity in his relationships? Marriage should be special for both parties. It seems that because men are supposed to rugged and tougher in nature the world expects them to seek sexual satisfaction in a much baser fashion. Yet the Bible is very zealous when it comes to male sexual purity.
In the book of Proverbs there are many warnings against associating with harlots and adulteresses. Society on the other hand encourages a double standard, where men are expected to be slick Casanovas while women not too long ago were expected to toe the line where chastity was concerned. It was often said in those times that there where two types of girls. Those that played and those that got married. Men on the other hand where expected to play with the ones who played and try to marry the other kind. Women’s lib did away with these types of differences and now we have a world where anything goes. In today’s world both men and women are ridiculed for wanting abstinence. Yet it seems men still have more pressure in this area.
In the first church I attended the young men and women who followed the Biblical principle of abstinence where considered to have a great deal of integrity and self control. I agree because it is hard for a young people to keep the faith in this aspect, especially with all the temptations and pressures that one faces in today’s world. I have been very blessed in the way that I have been given Biblical instruction in the area of sexual relations, and have been taught that it is not the way the media portrays it.
In the book “Man of Steel and Velvet” Aubrey Andelin states the following in regards to male chastity: “Sexual sin is a consuming distraction to a man in his work and causes him to deviate from worthy goals. In focusing his interests and energies in an addictive life style, he looses perspective which eventually can lead to his downfall. It is difficult enough for a man to stay on the right track, moving forward towards his goals and focusing on his daily responsibilities, but when he falls into immorality he can easily get sidetracked from the important things in life.’ Andelin also states in his book “In addition to avoiding the pitfalls that would destroy him, chastity brings strength both spiritual and physical. That individual the will garnish his life with virtue provides for himself an armor of protection which helps him withstand other temptations. He will attain inner strength of spirit that will guide him to a more perfect life.”
One can see that Aubrey Andelin, who is knowledgeable in the area of masculine development is a believer in the importance of abstinance when it comes to having a strong character. In the Christian book on dating titled “Choices” it states the following: “Sir Rabindranath Tagore once said, “I have on my table a violin string. It is free. I twist one end of it and it responds. It is free. But it is not free to do what a violin string is supposed to do—to produce music. So I fix it, fix it in my violin and tighten it until it is taut. Only then is it free to be a violin sting.” “Like the violin string that performs its intended function, sexual pleasure produces its sweetest music within the limits of married love. God always places a protective fence. Inside those boundaries there are countless possibilities for innovation. Outside lies chaos and perversion.”
Even though abstinence goes against the grain of our current culture it is God’s design for us and even if it is hard not only to go against our own sinful natures, but also against a world that has disdain for sexual purity, we must fight the good fight in all areas and especially in this one. This principle is very clear in scripture and there is no double standard. It is important that you realize that in a world where men are expected to only want carnal satisfaction while denying their spiritual side, God has a better plan. So to those men who believe in waiting till marriage, God bless you and may He keep you strong.