- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Man time...my perception, my suggestion
We have all been in this situation, where your spouse, boyfriend, or fiancee have just needed their "man time"; and time and time again, you've probably always wondered why or what man time actually is. Let me define it for you, as a woman:
Man-time: The time that a man needs to vent, break things and try to fix them, and just to be a man.
Granted, there is no actual dictionary term defined by a literary scholar, this is just my definition as per what I have seen, being a woman in the elite company of a man (and not just any man, my husband and tons and tons of mechanics).
Every man loves to be in touch with their inner mechanic; whether its computers, or cars; every man wants to build, fix, destroy, and discover things inner workings. Nothing wrong with that, but it is quite a necessity in any relationship honestly; and I'm going to give you the best advice to deal with a man and his "man time" in the best manner that I can and still get your quality time with your man.
So he say's, "he needs to get away for a while", and of course, as women do (I do it too) you begin to think; did you do something wrong? Did you make him mad? Is he cheating? Although not all men cheat, and women do it too, this phrase doesn't always signify the horrible two words that everyone fears; they're cheating. It probably means he needs to fulfill his manly duties, like breaking and destroying and then fixing something; or even hanging and drinking with his buddies.
Here's how you handle it:
Of course as a woman, we are emotionally driven individuals, and tend to blow things out of proportion, but regardless; here's how you avoid an emotional driven reaction, and keep him and you happy.
When that phrase comes out of his mouth, ask if there's anything you can do? If you have a babysitter or no children, ask if he wants to do something; kind of like a date and make it all about him. Go watch an abnoxiously horrible gang movie, or a street race, or even a mechanic workshop; or whatever may catch his interest. Yes, I know some of these things are unbearable, but, men do it for us (chick flicks) so do it for him. If he agrees, not only do you get to spend quality time with your significant other, but he wins as well by getting his man time.
So he says, "I'm going out in the garage for a little while", what do you do? You just nod and say okay that's all you really can do (and trust me from personal experience, a little while pretty much means 4-6 hours if not more). So don't get frustrated or start to nag him by continuously asking him when is he coming inside.
This is how you handle it:
Every hour or so go out and ask if he's okay, or bring him some water; maybe kool aid and just let him know you're thinking about him.
So that may not be enough, and you want to do it bigger? Well get out there and do it with him (whatever he may be doing), but get out there and do it to. Even if you know absolutely nothing about a car, or a bench, or whatever he may be working on. Just sit next to him, and ask him what he's doing, and if you have never taken an interest in what he does in his spare time; little stars will twinkle in his eyes because he will be incredibly excited; and then will blabber into some craziness and will lose you, but the bond you create at the moment is irreplaceable; and he can relate to you and you to him.
Tip: just don't throw that instance in his face when you want to do something and he doesn't. All you have to say is, I would do it for you; and normally that wins that fight.
So he say's he wants to go out with the guys, and of course you know you want to go too; but unfortunately, we don't carry the body part to be awesome like that. So what do you do? You let him go and ask him to check in with you when he gets there and when he leaves, just so you can make sure he's safe and not in a ditch somewhere. Most men will respect that, since it's a loving gesture; because I mean, he could die alone and you not care at all, but this shows that you're there for him.
What not to do:
Okay ladies, I know we can all be a little over dramatic (pointing finger at self too) and needy, but don't text him every 5 minutes and get upset when he doesn't respond. Honestly, if you have texted him every 5 minutes for a decent amount of time, he probably turned his phone off, because it's annoying to tell you the least. Just back off and trust him, and love him when he comes home drunk.
So ladies, that is a short scenario of how to handle man time and to come out on top.