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Heartbreak- Is A Blessing
Heartbreak: Forgive and Forget
It took me around five years to mend a broken heart. There were times I thought the pain would never end. A couple of times I thought of committing suicide, as the pain became even more excruciating day after day. Good thing, I did not let go of my FAITH in GOD, and had let my own sense of pride of being one of HIS beautiful creation wrapped my entire being.
Is Heartbreak a Mistake or a Blessing?
It was a bumpy journey; a continuous fight of two significant thoughts. First, that of thinking that the ONE for me was just around the corner and that a few more steps would lead me to him. Second, that of having no hope at all to be a whole person once more. I was completely lost, the mess I created seemed pointless and the pain seemed endless.
He was not my boyfriend; and I just casted myself into a wishful thought that one day he can see me differently. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and I fell into the deepest pit of failure and disappointment when he told about finding a girlfriend whom he referred to as a potential wife.
With that, I lost my appetite for two weeks, suffered back pains for a month of no sleep, almost gotten into two car accidents because of absent-mindedness, almost got dehydrated for five waterless days of crying with just minor replenishing, broke every good relationship I had with other important people, and lastly, succumbed to solitude, living alone, and starting a new life in a new place.
I felt the greatest insecurity ever, and decided to hide in my shell of comfort for so many years. The years that followed after that incident had me drowning with a self-created thought that I would never be enough for anybody. In short, that incident downgraded myself seven times seven, and killed my every desire to love again a thousand times. For straight five years until 2006, I was groping and grasping for hope. I had no drive to set goals for myself, struggled painfully to get back that sense of direction. What was hard about it was the thought that I had no one to blame except myself. It was more than an internal crisis than a heartbreak caused by a failed man-woman relationship.
He was my best buddy. We had been together in the lowest of low. In fact, we regarded each other as siblings before I committed that great mistake of falling in love with him. It was so hard to fight to preserve our friendship amidst the pain and the humiliation I had gotten from him as a woman. But to be fair with him, he made me the most sought-after best friend in this whole wide world. He remained a gentleman all throughout; giving me space to mend my self, and to finally get back to the best friend that I was to him... loving without expectations, and not asking for anything in return. He was the most memorable person in my life, and I thank God because after all the odds... we remained best of friends. I am proud to say that it was worth the struggle, as we bounced back into an even more platonic level.
Believe me it is easy to write about it now, but few years ago, the feeling was more than hell. It almost cost me my life. So I thought that this article is worth sharing to those who are undergoing the same intense pain. Whatever your circumstances are at this moment, for as long as you feel you are in your lowest self, this article is for you. This is a personal account of my own pain, and I hope by reading this, you will feel relieved. What I have done to recover and get back to my old optimistic self was not something extraordinary. You too can redeem yourself, only if you believed that things have to take place to pave way to an even greater life ahead. Bound to happen as they say, refers to things that are inevitable.
One good thing about heartbreak is it makes you appreciate the things that you have, work hard for the things that you can have, and let go of those you can't ever have. It also shows what you have done, what you can do, and what else you're capable of. It lays out a careful plan of how you can change your life for the better and accept those you cannot change. Committing mistakes and suffering the consequences serve as an eye opener, giving you the chance to decide for yourself. It's all up to you if you remain bitter for the rest of your life, or work out for the better.
Setting Free is Sad but Fulfilling!
Letting Go after a Heartbreak
It was a personal decision... one of the hardest I've ever made. To leave and let go of that feeling was never an easy thing. I love him, and I thought I could love him for the rest of eternity. However, I had no other choice, I only have ME to help ME. The only logical idea that I was holding on that made me felt better was to forgive myself for that mistake. I did not have a knight in shining armor to rescue me from that chain of painful realities. So I braved it, I did it on my own. My top goal...was to get rid of that excruciating pain that killed me every minute of the day. But dealing with the experience brought on a wider perspective, and today, I am viewing it as a blessing in disguise.
So If you are in the same painful boat I boarded years ago, here is a list you can use to save yourself.
Read, Read, Read...
I did finish a couple of Books from Dan Brown (Da Vinci Code), Robin Sharma (Who Will Cry When You Die), Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie), Sidney Sheldon (If Tomorrow Comes), Erich Segal (Love Story), Paulo Coelho's Books,and a book that I forgot the author but not the title. It was labeled "Libertine's Destiny". I cried and laughed with the flow of the story with high hopes of forgetting my own pain. I thought that was just it, but the long term result of those readings is the writer that I am today.
Create your own song, a song that describes your feeling etc...
Music is the core of our soul, as the saying goes, and I tell you it could be one of the most powerful expressing tools. As a matter of fact, it enabled me to express my pain in such a way that I did not have to fear if someone would listen to me or not, or somebody would perfectly understand my situation or not. By throwing some lyrics in the air, I felt the greatest relief. By writing my blues one after the other, and seeing all of them with a note later on brought a different sense of fulfillment, and it somehow regained that lost zest in life.
Although, I did not get to release them over the airwaves; seeing them in one of my blog sites gives me an insight that failure in love can actually lead you to achieve something. Part of my lyrics was used in one of the soda commercials on TV, and it started my stint in copy writing.
Get Closer to God
Pray as if God is your only hope.
I was never a religious person, but that time I felt a great urgency to call on him. It was so hard to explain to a human being what I was going through. I found it hard to share the story of my humiliation even to my mother...so I held on to God. He seemed to always have a listening ears, and since He doesn't talk, I found it comforting that He couldn't tell me how stupid I was. He could not be judgmental at all, as I was told since childhood. It did not matter if He existed or not, for as long as in my heart I felt somebody was listening to me...that was more than enough.
Now, I have a good relationship with God. Everything is lighter, as I have discovered the best way to talk to HIM.
Strengthen Your Family Relationship
Spend more time with your family members.
Before the incident, I could hardly find time to spend weekends with my family. After that episode, I learned to appreciate the love of my parents and siblings knowing that I still belong no matter what. I began to see my family in a different way. These days, more than ten years after, I still share a very tight relationship with them. Thanks to that wonderful heartbreak.
Tour Around the City...and if you have a budget, tour around the country or even out of the country.
The funny part of my experience was taking a cab the whole afternoon just talking to the driver about his most serious heart break and how he gotten out of it. I paid around P2,000 ($50) for that ride, which in the Philippines is already a great deal of money. Enjoying that trip made me realized the importance of traveling and how it could offer a great sense of accomplishment. Without that heartbreak, I could have led a boring life out there, still scared of taking risks.
Hang Out, Socialize, and Be a Karaoke Diva
Find new friends and experience the things you have never done before, or try to do things you had set aside for some reasons.
In my case, hanging out with friends and doing things I had never tried before helped a lot. The best part was finding my real self; knowing what I can do to test my limit. Confidence began to sprout again, discovering a new ME. It in this series of going out with friends that I found my self singing my heart out again in Karaokes, and had revived that old-singing-me that I long buried down memory lane due to a bad experience. Because of that pain, I managed to sing again, and It paved the way to an explosive reunion with my colorful childhood. In a way, I came face to face with my trauma, and finally resolved it.
Keep a Journal
Keep an account of your everyday pain. It might not make a sense now, but you will discover why I said so, later.
Reading my daily journal now is easier than before. I am thankful I wrote down everything. It brought me lots of realizations. I came to know my mistakes, and was able to check them in detail. I know now what went wrong, and it teaches me things that I should do and shouldn't do in my next relationship, be it platonic or romantic. I could say, I am more mature today than yesterday. I think differently far from that person who was writing that daily journal five to ten years ago.
Start A New Job
Assume new responsibilities in a new office
They say, "Heartbreak makes life tighter, it makes your life's four corners squeeze you closer until its hard to breath. Starting a new job helps a lot. A New hair cut, new faces to see every morning, new set of uniforms, and definitely new tasks prevent you from being reminded of the things you used to do, while you were still with him. Changing the entire environment promotes a relaxed journey, so much so that looking back would not be as painful and stressful as it is.
In my case, I moved into an entirely different city where life moved too fast. Coping with a faster pace in my new-found life diverted my whole attention...I then beautifully and gracefully moved on.
Learn How to COOK
Let out a Chef in you.
Time and time again we're told " the way to a man's heart is through his stomach".
Learning how to cook is synonymous with "preparation". I was thinking maybe I did not show him that I could do that much. Maybe he needed a good cook for a wife, or some other qualities, and he didn't see that in me...
As a result of the learning, I am doing great now in the kitchen. I don't wanna mess up my new relationship. I have to have that quality of a potential wife, to ensure a less percentage of another heartbreak in the future.
You can also the same...Get a recipe online and improvise it. Put a personal touch in it, something that would make the recipe your own creation. For sure, having something to show is better than nothing to show at all.
See the blessings?
All the things that I have done in the name of letting go and getting over became specially memorable to me. I have already laid out to you the good things that happened to me after that heartache. I wish, you too will find in yourself the courage to do the same and be blessed later in life. You may not see it today; that is pretty normal, when in despair one can only see the dark clouds and the heavy rains. But never take out from you the opportunity to see the sun again after the storm. Having said that, I wish that whoever you are and wherever in this world you may happen to be, you'll be blessed with more courage to face your pain and turn it into a beautiful learning experience.