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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Man's Natural Instincts And Why Women Want You to Keep Them
Almost every straight woman will tell you that she wants one. Not that they're in abundance anymore, but for the ones that are left, they're far and few in between. Alpha males. I'm not talking male chauvinist pigs or macho bullies, I just mean a man's man. They're so rare now that when you do find them you kind of feel as though you're seeing someone from a throwback era. Even looking up today's characteristics of an alpha male are so far off from the actual thing it makes you wonder where all the real men have taken off to. Since the wave of men who "want to get in touch with their feminine side" emerged and the women who encourage it to the point where now we have men that wear lipgloss, wax, get manicures, pedicures, and cosmetic surgery, and have man purses. I'm not knocking this next part because if this works for a family or if these are someone's only options, I can't blame them, but the whole stay-at-home dad thing and having a "manny"--let's just say I wouldn't prefer a man in my life that was comfortable doing either one of those things. Call me whatever you want, but I do prefer the traditional roles of men and women and I don't think I should be knocked for it. But like some guys will say, if you want the same guys from back in the day in your grandfather's era, why don't try behaving like your grandmothers did sometimes. I can't say I completely disagree with that statement.
1. Provider Is it seriously a cliché that the man brings home the paycheck? Really? I'm not saying women shouldn't work because I'm one woman who would not be comfortable being a stay-at-home anything. I just don't think a real man would be comfortable living off of solely what his wife brings home. I know a lot of men that react horribly when and if they find out that their wives make more money than they do--it's that fragile male ego thing and it's not a myth (if you think a fragile male ego is a myth either you've never been around men or you're a man in denial). Years ago one of my friend's fathers found out that his wife was given a promotion and made more than he did and they started fighting and he started having an affair. I've heard more than her story about the same thing and it boils down to the fact that being the provider is a part of them feeling needed by their wives, needing to know that they can handle the financial situations in the household. I know a lot of people have always said that men die earlier because of the stress that they have to provide for their families (at least that's probably half of it), but when I think about it, a lot of men probably wouldn't have had it any other way. It's about having a sense of pride and maybe even control. Call it whatever you want but a lot of men still feel weird about having their female dates pay for anything or go half on the check. Why? They'll probably say "it just doesn't feel right", or it makes them feel uncomfortable, but I just think it's one of their most natural instincts.
2. Protector If I scream if a bug is on me I don't need a guy who's going to scream along with me, or worse, run away. I remember a friend and I were going into our old abandoned school to look around. We were holding onto one another, being big babies and then ran back before we even stepped foot into the place. It looked haunted and it was built near a graveyard as well and that was another thing that added to the temptation of checking it out and the hesitation about actually going through with it. My older brother went with us the second time we tried going in and again we ran back screaming. He, on the other hand, gave us the most exasperated look and just walked right in. His reaction gave us the courage to follow him and finally check the old place out. The "protector" factor is also why women seek certain attributes in men. It's not just because it's what we're think is sexy, we're also looking to see if he can defend us physically, if we feel safe in around them and in their arms. It's why you'll see a girl that barely stands over five feet tall with a guy who's six feet weighing in at 200 pounds of solid muscle. We're looking for someone who's going to rip a guy's head off if he tries to lay one finger on us or says something disrespectful to us, carry us if need be (even unnecessarily), and who's going to get the rat away from us without flinching. I also believe that protecting his wife and children is an instinct, and I believe it's one of the most beautiful attributes a man can have.
3. Jealousy Not excessive jealousy, but enough of it to know that he cares if someone else seems as though they're trying to take us away from him. I don't think it's cool if a guy is so laid back he doesn't even notice if his girlfriend or wife is flirting with another man right in his face. And if a guy approaches his girl and does nothing or acts like it's cool, I really don't think it is and I couldn't be with someone so nonchalant about our relationship. Even after a guy breaks up with a girl he might still get a little twinge of jealousy to see her out with somebody else and that shows that either he did love her or he still at least cares for her a bit. And of course sometimes we evoke jealousy. We do it for the sake of our own egos because to tell you the truth, when a guy gets jealous it turns us on. A lot of guys now will admit that if they do get jealous that they see their girl flirting with someone else they actually will go and flirt with another girl, which is a totally wimpy reaction if you ask me. If you want to truly stake your claim and solidify that she is yours, you will make it known that she is to the guy that tried it with her and that's solidifying something to her. Girls now test guys and I notice they fail constantly. Almost all of them have the opposite reaction of what the girl actually wants. An alpha male would confront her and convince her that she doesn't have to look anywhere else, the metrosexual man sees it as an opportunity to flirt with another girl or call his ex. It's why so many girls end up crying over losers now. See the difference?
4. Masculinity It's almost non existent anymore. By the way, muscles and a sexy body don't equal masculine as some women seem to be confused by this. I look at most of the men on the covers of romance novels and fitness magazines now and all I can think of are the gay phone sex ads with the oddly similar looking men advertising to other guys. Let's face it, it seems half the population of the male race are gay, and the majority of the great looking guys with the hot bodies also fall into the gay category. Gorgeous and straight aren't really synonymous anymore when it comes to guys. Think of the things that I listed above that are the opposite of masculinity and all some of us want is a guy that's going to shower in the morning and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and just walk out the door. Who wants a guy that's checking himself out in the mirrors more than we do? Of course we want them to look good, but they don't need to do just as much primping as us girls. I remember one of my favorite parts from the show The Sopranos was when Tony was trying to figure out why women went for him so much and then he answered that maybe it's because he was the captain of the industry type. Playing a part or not, he delivered it so perfectly, it's why you believe that he is that character he played. That strong silent type. Take charge. It just exudes masculinity and yes, it's what makes a woman want you. And it doesn't mean you're a mysogynist either, it's partly about feeling protected and partly believing in the "hero factor". Maybe we're not necessarily damsels in distress anymore, but we do need rescuing every now and again whether every woman will admit it or not, and it's good if we have one of you to call on. And that definitely only works with a man's man, a wimp will do you no good in those situations. Just as our feminity is natural, a male's masculinity should also be just as natural.
5. Trying to please their woman If you love her and want to keep her, you need to show her. It doesn't have to be romantic and it doesn't have to be spoken. You just want to make her happy. Show an interest in what she's saying, if she's hurt you should comfort her, if she confides in you then you should listen and hold your judgment or make none at all. Sometimes the little things like remembering to pick up the milk and some Tylenol are enough to make us want to kiss you at the end of the day. Sometimes asking us just how we are and genuinely meaning it and letting us talk your ear off is satisfying for us. And there are those days when we're down and you just put your arms around us and let us use you as our own silent body pillow that we truly feel we're loved. Sometimes it's the little things that make us feel loved and warm and happy and if you're a real man, you'd know that.