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Marriage : Communication

Updated on March 18, 2013


I could come out dressed in something that covers less than the skin that's showing. Is that going to make a difference? What kind of communication is best?

According to my adviser and professor in college, Dr. Donald Hildum, proper communication takes a speaker who delivers a message in a understandable manner, and it also requires a person that not only hears the message, but listens to it. This may sound simple but, people as you know can say things in a way that makes it hard to really know what they're saying. They may be yelling, talking too fast, or too low. They may be talking down to you too. All of these things make it hard to get to the bottom of the message being sent. When it comes to receiving the message you can hear something and let it slip away a moment after you hear it. Dr. Hildum says a message must be actually listened to and digested, so that there is no way you're confused as to what the speaker meant. So if either side of the communication is somehow tainted that means there is no real communication. You can't say to someone that "Hey I said thus and such to you so you know what I meant." Can you see how this cannot be true? It takes two people working as hard as the other to send and receive messages.This is good marital communication, and good for anyone else who speaks and listens.

Consider the scenario on one partner barging into the room in an angry manner bombarding the other with one thing after another while the TV's blaring, the kids are acting up, and the dog's eating the sandwiches off the table. Which one of these distractions do you think could stop the flow of information in this room?

Obviously any one of these things could cramp the situation. So it is necessary to pick and choose the times and places for trying to have conversations, or they won't work. If you're in a situation where the communication needs to be quick and efficient then you just have to be mature and do it that way. You know like at a time when there's a medical emergency or something that calls for intelligent spontaneous decisions.

A little compassion can go a long way to communicating well. Be kind and consider what the person's going through at the time when you feel you need to bring something to their attention. This really does matter. A person is just plain going to respond in a better way if it's a good time for them to be in a potentially serious, or involved conversation. Once you've got that problem tackled there's got to be a banter of some sort going back and forth. Hopefully it's plain and simple.This way it's easier to successfully move along with the talk toward an agreeable end. In conclusion, if you talk to someone like they're brain dead you'll never get anywhere in terms of good communication.


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    • HaywireGuitars profile image

      HaywireGuitars 5 years ago from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina-USA

      I agree! Good article-very well done!