- Gender and Relationships»
Marriage, A Gift from God
An Honest Fear, From a Bad Perspective
I read an article that said, "Men are so worried that marriage will leave them with “only one woman” for the rest of their lives...." The man who wrote this, makes an insightful observation aimed at dismissing the other man's fear.
His point, I too have discovered when I thinking about why I am so in love with my wife. For my wife is always growing in my heart and in my love. That is, she continues to grow and so change. Unveiling a new person. In so doing, deepening in her complexity with each revelation of life that presents itself to both her and myself.
However, as profoundly true and beneficial as this may be, this quote betrays an even deeper issue than the perspective we should have in our marriage partner.
The argument introduced about some men's "worry", is sadly so true. Why? Because there are men who think that marriage is mainly about a means of satisfying their personal needs and/or entertaining them for life. This obviously can go for women as well, however this is more likely a male issue.
The real problem is not the one posed about “only being with only one woman all your life”, but rather, about the flawed thinking that marriage is only about satisfying ones personal needs. In fact, marriage is not only about that, but rather, more about a mutual relationship of sacrificial love and commitment for one another for life. It is about humanities greatest gift. A gift to be enjoyed in this life. The gift of an intimate loving companionship designed to grow through the trials, tribulations and joys of life. It is about having a wonderful partner in life to help bear the load life and difficulty and yet also enjoy the fruits of life's work. It is about trust in each other to be there by your side - no matter what, both day and night, supporting each other in our darkest moments, as well as enjoying with them the celebrations of life's brightest moments. Marriage is a gift we simultaneously give and receive to each other.
The true beauty and value of marriage does not lie in the routine and daily satisfaction of our needs, but rather in the being of life, in the intimate bond we can have for through marriage we enter into a spiritual and physical union of one man and one woman, becoming One together in life. A joy not lying in what we receive as much as in what we give; a gift to each other and ourselves. This Union, is the most intimate friend we have. Our spouse is the one who shares with us in our fears, our failures, our weaknesses, our sorrows, and yes, our needs; but they also share, in our joys, our triumphs, our pleasures, our strengths and our gifts.
But perhaps the greatest gift we can share is the gift of peace in our life, born of an honest commitment to each other in marriage throughout our lives. For it is through this complete nakedness before each other's eyes, that we in our own weakness, broken and fallen state, that we can enter back into that figurative Garden of Eden. And this where we, in a mindset of complete and unconditional love, cannot see either our own, or our spouses nakedness, but rather see only the beauty of being a Child of God, covered by the Love, Forgiveness and Righteousness purchased by Another.
How is this possible?
From a Christian perspectiv, it is through God’s Love that we were and are able to share His love with each other. A Love built on the Cornerstone of our Faith and His Forgiveness, purchased with the redemptive power of certainty in our destiny, together with Him for all eternity.
And so, through His forgiveness, we find the strength to forgive ourselves and our spouses in all offenses throughout our lives. Yes, wrongs happen. But we as spouses will find ourselves on both ends of that stick; forgiver and forgiven. In this, marriage becomes the greatest gift Man can give to himself. For we know that our joint love in marriage protects us against our worst fears, through that promise of oneness and unconditional love.
And yes, we may become angry, or not, for a time, depending on the offense itself, but if your marriage was sponsored by God’s Love, true forgiveness, not an obligatory forgiveness, will prevail. For “love covers a multitude of sin.”
However, if marriage is only seen from the perspective of, "How are you going to keep me excited in you for the rest of MY life?", then of course your One Woman/Man will fail, as well as yourself. So, while someone might be persuaded to try and imagine a constant evolution of our "one woman" to keep us excited for a lifetime, it will not be too long before we fail, and find our selfish desires pursuing something different and more exciting than our wife.
So, if it is all about just, "spouse, what have you done for me lately", then we all will fall short of each other's selfish greed, as we search a means to satisfy the lusts of the eyes, the flesh or the soul.
From a Christian perspective, marriage is more than that; it is the model of Christ and the Church, His Bride (Ephesians 5). And while secular authorities rarely acknowledge Christian theological arguments, it is not necessary for them to do so, in order for them to benefit from the perspective that marriage is about a Union of One.
Take this for what it is worth, just one man’s perspective.
PS - it has been amazingly true for me.