- Gender and Relationships»
Marriage is The Most Intimate Relationship
Marriage Can be Fun
Marriage is a part of normal. Life, fully lived includes marriage. In dealing with marriage we dealing with life, for marriage consists of blending of the lives of two individuals. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationship. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh,” (Genesis 2:24).
Marriage was divinely sanctioned and intended for the best interests and happiness of human race. Marriage, properly consummated and maintained, gives the best insight into the happiness and genuine pleasure in marriage. Is your marriage fun? Do you have a good time with your spouse? Or do you have good time only when you’re out with friends? Do you play games or joke with him? This is an important part of marriage –it relaxes you.
Sure, marriage can be fun some of the time. Just laugh and have fun. Trouble is, you’re married all of the time. I met with couple and families in crisis every week. Do you know what one of the most common similarities between them? You might be thinking poor communication, money issues, an affair, but you’d be wrong. They have stopped having fun together. From the outside the marriage looked all right. But in reality they were two strangers than partners.
I guess it makes sense when you think about it for a minute. If a family or couple is in distress they argue and squabble over everything and feelings are treated like yesterday’s garbage. Who wants to have fun when there is so much pain? The problem might be the shame and hurt from previous relationships that made it difficult for him/her to trust the opposite sex. But a marriage with enjoyable spouse can make a world of difference –someone who knows how to have a good time, relax, or go on an adventure.
One of the most important things you will ever do as a couple and family is having fun together. Eccleslastes 8:15 reads, “So, I’m all for just going ahead and loving a good time –the best possible.” The only earthly good men and women can look forward to is to eat and drink well and have a good time –compensation for the struggle for survival these few years. Any couple who hope to exit this life together still holding hands must be friends who have fun along the way and laugh a lot.
The simple reality is this, if you stop having fun together you will stop wanting to be together. The problem is that many people dictate their ability to have fun with someone based on their feelings. This is a major mistake and one which can eventually lead to divorce. We cannot let our live be dictated by our emotions. Emotions are wonderful but they are chaotic, one by up and the next day down. Go to dinner and a movie, sometimes find a great spot on the beach and chat, to a fun activity or getaway, sometimes stay home and snuggle up.
Isaiah 40:30-31 tells us, “Even the youths shall faint and be weary. And the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
We can soar like eagles when we depend on God for the strength to do it. The next time you are on a vacation or date, and your mate (or child) does something to hurt your feelings, what are you going to do? This is an inevitable part of any relationship. The question is, what are we going to do when our feelings get hurt during fun time? Are we going to sulk, get angry, fight for our honor?
Mathew 5: 44-46 says, “But I say to you, love your enemies; I desire who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. That you may be sons of your father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?”
Marriage is a funny thing. How you view it is drastically different if you are a teenager or youth with stars in your eyes compared to your vision of marriage when you have been ensconced in the practice for 20-30 years and looking forward to life in retirement as a married couple. How you view marriage as you move toward retirement years without a doubt depends on how marriage has gone for you over the decades. If your marriage is rocked with difficulty, separation and other woes, retirement can bring a new dimension to that tension. On the other hand, part of the commission of retirement is to begin to seek resolution of life’s struggles so working together with each other in the context of marriage can bring tremendous healing in this phase of life.
Each era of life seems to bring a new opportunity to define marriage and how it will be an important part of life. There is no question that real life in the context of a very real and functional marriage, even with the problems that brings is also a huge resource for us throughout life’s journey. But a significant amount of those pressures begin to lift when you are able to perhaps scale back the work life, enjoy the fruits of your labors and let the kids get out on their own. So that side of the pre-retirement years can actually be in fertile setting for a new romantic life between husband and wife to spring up.
Many couples, as they leave the world of parenting behind, experience such late in life romantic rebirths. And this kind of late springtime in relationship with your long time spouse can bring the birth of new reactivity in many parts of your life making it one of the happiest phases of life for you and your husband or wife.
A marriage is a living thing so we can take joy from seeing it become something new each new decade as, we have done often in the past, we start defining marriage all over again. Success and happiness in marriage do not come by happenstance. Too many people look forward to marriage with innocent expectation, assuming that marriage will solve all problems and perplexities. Even though sweethearts are aware that their marriage sometimes fail, the optimism of youth is so great that they harbor no other thought but that their marriage will be successful and that happiness forever after will naturally ensue.
Success and happiness in marriage depends on whether the couple gives heed to the simple principles that ensure the realization of their fond expectations in this, meet intimate human relationships. Marriage is what the marital partners make it. If they are listless or indifferent toward those factors that ensure success in marriage, their marriage will be a haphazard relationship with many ups and downs and with growing uncertainty as to its outcome. But if each gives sincere attention to the factors which pertain to success in marriage, the relationship will be stable and will provide a wholesome and pleasant background for all life’s experiences.
In order to ensure the rich experiences comes to those who are happily married, both husband and wife must be willing to pay the price. The price is high and the payments are perpetual, but the value of the product far exceeds the cost.
The price of marital happiness consists of discipline, attitude, loyalties, and insights of such nature that husband and wife are able to blend their personalities harmoniously so that the bond of fellowship thus established transcends the consideration of natural differences and material possessions. It is perfectly feasible for a couple poor in this world’s goods to enjoy a richness of experience which far exceeds everything that money can buy. The marriage relationship is so much a part of life that success in life often upon success in marriage. If marriage is successful, life is full and complete, if marriage fails, life is dwarfed and crippled.
This does not mean that you will always be happy and have a good time, as if life were a never-ending party; or who always has to be sad, somber, and serious, as if life were a continual funeral. According to Ecclesiastes 3:4, “There is time to weep, and a time to laugh.”