Marriage Ended Yesterday, Today I Write A List Part 2
I think that most of us have been here, and we need many lists to clear our heads. I have a master list and it includes everything, then sub lists that are more specific. What I want to sell, how to sell it, see that is a list. Things that I need to do, like the lawn work (I've not done that since I was a teen) and a date that it needs to be done by. A list of all the jobs that I would be interested in doing, and a need for a new resume based on that list, again a date that I need to accomplish that(I have appointments that I can't miss this month). A list of all his items left behind and what to do with the items, including his dog.
On the master list is a budget that is needed. Bills of his that I pay, the vehicle he drives is in my name and needs to be transferred, I'm not paying his car insurance forever. Do I need to pay for his AAA coverage, or just mine at this renewal? A lawyer for the divorce, how soon that needs to be done is undecided on the list. It is time a change of address form is filled out for his move, I have to ad that to the master list.
It is important for me to keep myself busy now, see there is so much to do. I don't want to be bitter and have hate in my heart, after all is was my decision not to go on as we were. I don't want to be his mother either, I want to cut the ties. We have a business that I have been working on for the last 6 months, I have no idea what to do about that. We have inventory, lots of inventory, what do I do about that? These things are not on the master list yet because I don't know what direction that I want to take this.
I need lists right now, to organize my thoughts, to keep myself busy and on track, to move forward so I don't shrivel and call him, begging for forgiveness and continue accepting this loveless, passionless charade of a marriage. As much as I am dreading the lawn work, I realized that there are changes to make the lawn mine and joy to found in a physical job well done. I also realize as I write lists and make plans for my future alone, that I am spending more time on my lists and plans then he has thought about me for many, many months.