- Gender and Relationships»
Marriage, Or Something Like It
Okay - if you have one failed marriage, then you can write it off to "we were young, inexperienced and in love"...aka "Starter Marriage".
So, you move on - marry again. This is sometimes known as the "marriage for money". You're tired of being poor, living paycheck to paycheck. You decide to go for the money. Now when THIS marriage fails, you think "I've married for love and I've married for money - and I'd rather marry for love." So you have 2 failed marriages.
Then you go to your Reunion - college, high school or family - and meet spouse number 3. The old feelings come back and you just KNOW this one will last - so you marry again. After a while, you realize there was a reason you two didn't get along the first time and so you head for the door again, with your attorney's number on speeddial.
As you are back to living from paycheck to paycheck...you're only available "dating pool" is the local bar, you befriend the waitress, bartender, regulars and hope for some change. You've grown wiser, more weary and hopefully, cautious when it comes to relationships. If, by chance, you marry again - you decide "This is it! I'm sticking with them until one of us dies." If the marriage starts to crash and burn, you take up a hobby that keeps you out of the house most evenings and weekends, hoping that the other person will too.
But with all that said - the real truth is this - you can only write off one marriage to "we were young and stupid". Once you've got 2 or 3 under your belt, it's time to look in the mirror, take some serious personal assessment and realize that the problem isn't with the people you marry, but maybe, the person they are marrying.
So, my advice to you, dear friend, is to stop and think. Make a list (I'm a big fan of lists) of the pro's and con's in your relationship. Think about what you bring to the relationship, what your partner does as well. Then ask yourself, "Have I done everything in my power to make this relationship work?" If the answer is "no", then are you willing to make that effort? If not, then you have to be honest enough with yourself to know it and to do something about it.
One thing I tell my friends is this: "If you're child or sibling was in the same situation you are in, what would your advice be to them? If that is the advice you would give to someone you love, then why on Earth won't you take that advice for yourself?"
I wish you well.