Marriage Whines and How to Beat Them! 10 tricks to revive the romance
Been together for a while? IF so, sometimes it’s hard to keep that loving feeling alive. Here are 10 tricks to revive the romance
Most of us, when we first get married, in the full bloom of mutual adoration, have little idea that any relationship needs to be nurtured in order to thrive. Not that it should feel like grueling hard work – after all, it’s not so difficult to be kind – but it’s easy to forget how our own behavior can impact on our partner (and needless to say, the same goes for him!).
So why not to try to break out of the cold routine with these 10 simple love-boosting steps?
Let the small things go
Does your partner leave mugs at his bedside, and used dental floss in the bathroom sink? Does he just ask if there’s any milk instead of checking the fridge, or stack the dishwasher incorrectly? All moderately irritating, but things like this make it too easy to get into the habit of moaning.
It takes a lot of positive comments to counteract the negativity of one criticism. So ask yourself, Is it really worth bringing this up? Instead, keep things in perspective by remembering all the sweet, thoughtful things he does for you.
No more night rage
Has anyone ever divorced a partner for snoring? Possibly not, but, as sharing a bed with a snorer can rob you of sleep, no wonder it can trigger marital strife (causing more then 100 rows a year for the average couple, according to a survey by home insurers Esure).
But this can be addressed with nasal strips for the snorer and earplugs for the listener. Then you will no longer be lying awake feeling furious at 2am and your partner will benefit too, as you will no longer be sleep deprived.
Never mock his body in public
It’s easy to fall into the habit of grabbing his love handles and teasing him about any chubby areas. Surprisingly often you will hear couples say things like Ooh, I would go easy on the cheese if I were you, Quick, someone move that Brie!! Although it’s passed off as a joke, it’s actually pretty undermining. IT doesn’t hurt to remember that men can be sensitive about their wobbly bits, too.
Hands off his wardrobe…
It’s tempting to bin that tired shirt with a frayed collar, or claim that his tatty old underpants have mysteriously disappeared in the wash. However, editing your man’s wardrobe without his permission verges on the disrespectful.
What if an ancient sweater happens to be a favourite, even if it does have a hole the size of a dinner plate? Like that bra you love – the one that has definitely seen better days, but fits you like a dream – would you be happy if he chucked it away without telling you?
Lock that bathroom door
For marriage to be a success quips actress Catherine Zeta Jones, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom. Ah, if only. However, fantasies aside, there’s much to be said for not performing any loo-related activities in front of a partner if we can avoid it. No harm in retaining a little mystery, after all.
Come clean over cash
Money is the biggest cause of rows in couples over 40, according to a survey by Prudential. We have a tendency to calm up about cash; yet, being able to discuss if freely can blow away a pile of resentments. Make a pact that you will work together to sort out any financial problems you have, setting a mutually convenient time to talk about it.
Avoid late at night when you are both tired. Make it regular but flexible – if one of you is in a bad mood, it’s unlikely to be constructive. Staying calm, leaving emotions aside and never blaming. Start by saying at least one positive thing about how your partner handles money.
Dare to do something different
The more spontaneous we allow ourselves to be, the more vibrant a marriage will feel. The first step is to give yourselves permission to break out of your routine every now and them.
Whether it’s daring to sneak a day off together, or simply locking the front door and going back to bed, acting on impulse brings a lovely frisson of naughtiness to your marriage.
Grab your man
The frequency of sex many decline as we grow older (50-somethings tend to get it together around half as often as those in their 20s). However, studies show that, if anything, intimacy is more satisfying and fulfilling than when we were younger. Weeks, having sex triggers the release of beta endorphin's in the brain, which can alleviate stress and boost happiness.
After years together, it might happen twice a month rather than twice a week, especially if you have a house full of teenagers, but when it does happen, it can create a sense of closeness that lasts for days. But it doesn’t have to be sex – simple ling together in bed on a weekend morning, without feeling the need to leap up and go anywhere, can help to revive a sense of intimacy.
Sweet-talk (rather than battle) his mum
Trouble with your in-laws? Being able to manage there often tricky dynamics can improve your marriage hugely. A study of mother-in-law relationships. She suggests that a power struggle is often at play: “His mother wants her maternal authority to be acknowledged, while you’re determined to do things your way.
Your best course of action? To acknowledge that this can be difficult for her, while politely sticking to your guns. Expecting your husband to side with you against his mother is generally futile. Taking deep breaths, and perhaps pouring yourself a gin and tonic, is usually more effective.
Spread a little kindness (and you’ll get it back)
Let’s face it: everyday life often gets in the way of romance, resulting in couples taking each other for granted. If you suspect this has happened to you, taking the time to spread some positivity and kindness.
“Tell your partner how much you appreciate those everyday things he does – like leaving you sweet messages on the kitchen notice board, or bringing home the daily paper for you. If you think he looks great in a particular jacket, then says so – think about how you love it when he compliments you.”
So much about nurturing a marriage is putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, and thinking, how would this make me feel? “It’s all about effort in, reward out. So the more effort you make the more you’II receive in terms of love and happiness!