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Marriage first, then Cohabit

Updated on April 21, 2015

Cohabit Before Marriage

Toothpaste globs on the sink, empty ice trays, dirty clothes on the floor, empty milk carton in the fridge, hair in the sink.....just some of the annoying habits my husband and I did not know about each other. May seem small to some, but when you are in happy marital bliss with someone you've basically only been dating, it causes the honeymoon to end real fast. Coming from Christian homes and believing you shouldn't live together before marriage, we chose to live apart until the wedding night. After the first 2-3 weeks of living together I felt like "what did I get myself into". You can't possibly know someone without living together is how I feel now. The people in the "world" who live together before marriage have a better advantage than those who stick to the laws of the Christian faith. You are able to see one another's good and bad habits and determine if it's something you can deal with for life. Whereas if you find out all these things after you've already committed for life, you feel trapped. Then you really have to lean on that Christian faith for patience. To sum it up, if I could go back I would've cohabitated at least while planning the wedding. Just an after thought.


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    • Akriti Mattu profile image

      Akriti Mattu 

      3 years ago from Shimla, India

      This is such an honest post :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      "The people in the "world" who live together before marriage have a better advantage than those who stick to the laws of the Christian faith."

      I'm certain there will be many who will argue with you. In fact lots of people believe the reason for the high divorce rate is because of pre-marital sex and cohabitation.

      And yet I've never heard of any couple listing pre-marital sex or cohabitation as the cause of their divorce! hmmmm

      The truth of the matter is those are not the reasons why people get divorced! Cheating, verbal/physical abuse, alcohol/drug addiction, financial irresponsibility, neglect of affection/sex, and no longer wanting the same things for the marriage are more likely to be a cause for divorce.

      Another belief people have is if you live with someone you're not likely to get married to them. On the one hand that is a good thing if you discover habits or behavior you simply cannot live with! Breakups are cheaper than divorces!

      The reality is 52% of all weddings today in the U.S. are made up of couples who did cohabitate! If both people (really) want to get married they will!

      If one is fortunate enough to live in a house with multiple bathrooms it's possible to assign one to their spouse. However oftentimes it's not just about one person being messy and the other being neat.

      Sometimes it's a "power struggle" when one person believes their way is the "right way". This applies to the bathroom, making up beds, folding towels, and even loading up the dishwasher. Some people don't do well living with anyone! The only exception they'll make is their children. I suspect it's because at some point they can "instruct" them to do things their way. It's hard to convince another adult that they've been doing everything "wrong" or unacceptable.

      Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with. People only change when (they) are unhappy.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as is or move on. The choice is up to us!

      One man's opinion! :)


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